I want to fall in love with you
in my every single waking
an infinite cycle
I never want to get out of
this true kind of love

a night time of ghosts
are but the absence of light
on sun lit squirrels

waterless spring rains
of showering maple seeds
and blossom petals

your breath and the breeze
cloth over my back against
the curves of the wood

We'd listen to a song
called Four in the Morning

upstairs  

      with

             a                    

                        3am craving for some shisha smoke

                                         the lemon lime and melon mint
                                  
                         ­                                         to share a double apple

                                                          ­                        and mix it with that cinnamon

                                                               ­                                   to be not quite faded

                                                               ­                                         only relaxed enlightened

                                                    ­                                                to not lose the experience
                                                      ­                                              
                                                                ­                               remembering the faces

                                                          ­                                at a later time still
                                                           ­             
                                                   ­                                 the laughs and inside jokes

                                                          ­                   in midst the growing cloud

                                                          ­                           of flavorful smoke

                                                                ­                            we sit smile breathe

Helpless
Watching them break
You tremble

Holding out nothing
But your hands

Through the eyes of a dying person
Living comfortably with the idea of dying
Knowing there may be more
but believing that there may not
Weighing probability and chance
With wonder

When I die
I don't want to leave with the sounds of sobbing
Nor the sirens waking up the neighbors
I want to be remembered with your love music words hope
and the happiness
of life

Most of all
To love without fear
Your promise of living on

Saint Valentine's Day
A day of romance
just one day ?
what's that all about
Valentinus oh he who fought for love
and died for love
but who cares about that
it's not even February yet
and already people are a little crazier than usual
there’s the ones going on and on
about not having a date
true
it does seem criminal to be single on this day
But let's keep things gay

oh and then there's the boyfriends or crushes who bring flowers
chocolates
and maybe even one of those stuffed animals
holding a big red stuffed heart
that has I heart the letter U on it
then they'll lean in for the kiss
and that's how it'll all start
In her head she'll be going
"My mind's telling me no , but my body , my body's telling me yes"
and just like that you'll be set
because she'll be getting a little _ _ _
down there
and you'll get your Valentine's day ***
ew rated x
hopefully it's *** with love
hold up
What is up ?
Oh besides that of course (look down)
Get yourself a ****** and enough about that

Can't we love everyday
even if it isn't easy to say I love you
throw in a sweetheart here and an oh honey there
And the simple things
your matching rings
and what they mean
the catching of the other's eyes across the table
the accidental brushing of bodies
and you'll be blushing oh lordy
looking up only to see them smiling

What a perfect picture
isn't that what we all want
Even for those who have date after date with loneliness
There may be love
There must be love
three hundred and sixty-four other days
So much for Valentine's Day

I am a people person
I need to be around people
I hope you are comfortable being with me
I want to meet new people everyday
I love really getting to know people
I've gotten better at understanding people
I love to introduce friends to new friends
I want to listen to everything you have to say
I hope to be there whenever you need someone
I need to make people feel not so alone
I am a people person

I stepped in from the door frame
And the zap delight
As the scattered light
Through the not quite transparent windowpane
Hid upon us
And my eyes caught
A gentle rain tear
Trickle over the modest curve of your lips
Lifted me

echoing through the dark sky from miles away
the sound of fireworks
and you said let's just close our eyes and listen
and I knew you saw the sparks just as I did
I wonder if you felt them
as we laid together in bed and talked
mental ********
I listen to the echo of your voice in my head
it doesn't want to end
the last look I caught in your eyes
before I fell asleep against you the night before
told me as much
and we lay here now
your arm on my waist
as if making sure I would still be by your side
when you wake up
is it weird wanting to touch your lips
while your soft breath passes steadily through them
or the suddenly heightened desire
to have your body pressed against mine
with your hands in all the right places
I question whether or not this is all going to stay
being so real
because I'm here writing in the dark
to the voice of Thom Yorke
and the sound of the fireworks I can't see
and when all that goes away

I want the kind of ***
where I'm told exactly how much you want me
by the way your frame
fills in my every curve
and you touch so much of me
with your hands
and your starved eyes
I should be scared
but you'll call me beautiful
and I'll be your sweetheart
as your sweet heart beats
beats faster
and you fall into me

thirteen is my favorite number
unlucky I know
but it works in my mind

it's perfect
and maybe partly it's because of how disliked it is
While me

I love how the one and the three go together
and make four

and I love how they seem not to be two
the one every one usually likes
but they really are

when you take one away from three
or when you give one to negative three

they are still two

the simple mathematics of one and three
they are the possibilities

the lonely one
and the three's a crowd
but two can be too much
when no one is talking

and spelling it out just seems right
with its t-t and its e-e
and the way your tongue almost reaches your lips
when you say it out

loud

So when they ask me to
pick a number between one and ten

my number will be four
but thirteen knows

thirteen is my favorite number

these ruffled sheets don't feel like mine .
not quite the smell of my laundry scents either ,
but familiar , like the body pressed against me hours before .
and now again

I was afraid of opening my eyes until I heard his voice
The same soft whisper that came from behind ,
the whisper that drowned out all the other voices in that busy pool hall

I was down by two ***** ,
I was stripes he was solid
it was my game but that he didn't know .

I had been kicked out ,
they called me orphaned , homeless
but that he didn't know , or so I thought
until he whispered against my neck
"if you win I'll take you home"

so we played
I played the way my brother had taught me
learning him as I go , to have him against me
from behind , his rough hands over mine .
I could barely see my fingers , as he guided them
under and over the stick , until we sank a perfect shot .
And I did end up winning , but only because I played it well ,
a hustler they called me , but that he didn't know

He took me home and we laid together ,
the game was over when the eight ball fell in .
Now we both knew how this would go
and go it went until I came over and over again
and he touched upon me again and again
until he came as I did
and we fell to rest
our breathing still synced together
as the rise and fall

and I opened my eyes
this time to the whisper of
a sleepy "hey beautiful"
and those hands gently through my hair

this may not be my bed
but this is my place .
He knows me now

Trapped between memory and memory
I sleep and I wake and they run still so vividly
I can't pretend we're no longer a part of me

A pendulum
Trapped between memory and memory
The road ahead has yet to reach clarity

So entwined by steps through familiarity
And asking is this natural to be so
Trapped between memory and memory

You make me think the most inappropriate thoughts
in the most appropriate times
You leave me stuck hiding blushes and suppressing sighs
I didn't understand what soft features were
until those teasing eyes locked into mine
and I wanted to reach out to close the distance
between my shivering frame and your hands
Was my expression as permissive as I felt
More , was my body beckoning as my thoughts were
I guess you must have heard me through the walls
for I found your body answering my unsaid mind calls
all of you down my neck , along my back
leg to leg , knees bent at the same place
there was a little dancing , so as to appear innocent
but your voice turned me around and we were face to face
your thumb gently up and down my palm
and I took you away , we parted from the crowd
tripping onto the cushions before the door clicked shut
the length of me folded into the length of you
and we continued our not so innocent dance
a pas de deux of our voices escaping
through the rise and fall of our molded bodies
pushing each other to the finish
yes , yes oh darling yes runs through me .

Feelings and their mysteries
a lover in mind

I remember the stories you told me
of your adventures and possibilities
I remember falling in love
with every single memory of us

je suis ici
where are you now ?

I want to be in the poetry I have never written
to live the life I had never dreamed

I travel in hopes of bumping into you again
for that's how we met
by fate and crossroads
in the wild we never waited

je suis ici
where are you now ?

The world we have yet to see
Our world we have yet to create

You climbed as I swam below
together naturally
but still going farther our own ways
our movements rippled to the other

je suis ici
where are you now ?

our stones skip four times
for every time we met

We promised each other we'd venture again
hand in hand and to share a tent
we'll meet to hike the mountains
for a date behind the waterfall

*je vais être ici finalement avec toi

I cry now
I can't help it
I'm in pieces
without your hand holding mine
I'm lost
without your voice guiding me
My world stopped being real
when you stopped being you
the boy who taught me
that men have feelings too
tears and pain
torture them the same
that's how it all began
from growing up and games
we hurt together
and healed together
broke and bonded again
and again
but it was all right
you're the reason
I stopped being scared at night
no monsters could touch me
I was safe in your sight
my dad was never a father
and my mother never knew
of the times you saved my life
and made me live it through
you loved me for my scars
all my crazy and all my weird
but most of all
you saved my life
and all that's left of you
I keep
you will never disappear

Woo me a kettle of love
and sweethearts
Gifted muse
Sing me the lyrics
not by divinity
but the flute of your breath
Play me to the chest
where your drum encased
let my palms sway
Please don't stop your playing
even if it is just a play
For if unaccompanied by your music
my poetry becomes meaningless
nothing more
than lines of letters too poetic

1.1
The clock ticked two
The door closed and you knew

1.2
There goes a back turned
That'll never be turning back

1.3
Your silent reach forward
Stopping nothing , caged your feet frozen

2.1
Gifts left , broken , lost , not returned
Though giver proved unkind

2.2
You sobbed through hours of days
Looking for a mirror

2.3
To reignite the moonlight
For you to dance again around

3.1
Still , you walked
Letting creeks fill in your fallen hollow

3.2
Occasionally tipping towards evened out barricades
Yet always eagerly realigned

3.3
Once again letting out fumes of sighs
A freed marionette

I've written verse after verse about us
trying to piece together every memory
scrambling at anything that provokes a reminder
because you were all real
so it must have been all there
while pain revealed the truth

I got so used to
having your arm draped over my shoulder
you were the only one I'd run to
the only one I could run to whenever I broke
you'd hold me tear stained
you were one of the few who stayed
with me through the worst
while pain revealed the truth

we wrote in the sand
the teasing and our way of fighting
and I revisited the docks
we spent the hours and days of time together
where the only you and me talks happened
while pain revealed the truth

I can't swim in a lake
without hearing you
I still hold close
your music your words
I swear I still smell you in my clothes sometimes
or are those only desperate hallucinations
me cheating myself with illusions
while pain reveals the truth

*You're not here anymore

He's my best friend
even when he disappears from the world
for a bit ,
I know all the ways he's making sure
for me to know
he's still here for me .

It's been years
and miraculously distance has been powerless
against our friendship ,

We hear over and over again
how we'll make such a cute couple
and how we'll probably get married someday ,
but none of that is important

I'm just grateful .
For every day you're in my life
for the comfortable silences
and the talks that go on until one of us falls asleep
and it goes on hours later ,

I don't think you understand .
How much all the times you let me cry meant ,
nor how many smiles the stupid things you say
have brought to me .
You are my enlightenment
and unspoken love

the hand I grasp for .
Everything that has brought me you
I thank ,
for we've both needed this fight together
to get back on our feet

and with all of me
and an embrace from you .
I know we'll never stop dancing

this uncertainty is frightening
but fleeting

because fading are the echos
of them telling us

how this is not right
but what do they know

about you and me
about right and wrong

for in this bed of secrecy
we still find truth in you and me

so I want you to ask
is this alright
just so I can say

Yes

We met
I think it was Wyrd
how little I believe in it
an unlikely combination
with a world between us

Our big plans
as we venture our ways
two wanderers letting in the company
of a stranger and building upon hello

Our love for love
genuinely caring just because
sharing our stories through words
our poetry songs

And you comforted me
accepted me
knew me
and still loved me

Your voice in my head
I can hear you
as I read the messages you send
I can hear you

and it's you.

hug me from behind
with your love  
not romance
for I'm getting better
at tearing myself away
from every little thing
that reminds me of you

*but I still recognize
even your silhouette

the moon lit my way
as I took a walk
it was two in the morning
my ears cold

the moon lit my way
as I laid down on the sidewalk
and sang
looking up at the glowing clouds

the moon lit my way
as I traced the streetlights
down the road
accompanying me all along

the moon lit my way
as I let my eyes wander
following the ripples in the sky
and the moon becoming two

the moon lit my way
as I stood up
startling a few passerbys
as I brushed myself off

the moon lit my way
as I began again
taking steps
to lay down again

the moon lit my way
as I lost my mind
to only breathing
and the steady feel of the ground

the moon lit my way
for I had no direction home
but still I belonged

the moon lit my way
as I walked on.

I cannot wander away
From the eyes
The awe in them every time
We meet as if I amaze
Making me feel
Unattainable like a beautiful nun
Not to say I'm beautiful
But your breath tells me so
While the palpitation
Heard through your collarless shirt
Draws my cheek in
You hands arms body
Blanket over me
And pull me closer

When I let the ink drip out
of the infinite space
I call mine
it no longer belongs to me

You may read it as you do
if you read it at all
For I am drawing my heart out
and the pictures are all there

I wish you the best in my heart ,
                                                                ­              from afar .

I had a movie moment
tonight

it was with a boy
a short elevator trip
and a walk down a hallway

I went one way
as he went the other

we had already gone
apart
when
He said Goodnight
and I said Goodnight
back
and it was just us
in that hallway
there was a sigh of a pause
then came the

Sweet dreams from him
You too was all of me

And I smiled
as I listened
to the jingling
of his keys
for he swung them
as he walked
and I saw
the little boy
in this man

I saw
in this man
and I

What are we
I feel sparks
But are we mere friends?

Yet every time
you look at me and smile
or hold me a little longer
I become more yours.

So before I go mad
Are you committed to our possibility too
or am I being a fool?

Rest enough for the both of us
I know you're in peace
you send some to me daily
I'll always remember your lessons
hustle with dignity
and grind for the life of me
be kind, give to charity
cuz good comes to the good
and a good soul's always the best to be
You were a brother then and are to this day
just because this world is where you were taken away
that'll never stop me from all the thanks that I'll say
You always knew how to motivate
me when I was down for the play
You were my doody, you'd hype till I stayed
I showed you my weaknesses and you'd say not today
today we'd fight and keep living stay not afraid
child's play compared to the light this life's gained

actions speak louder so I learned watching you
leading by example, always told me the truth
growing you showed and I knew, how to be greater
feel first, judge later
brother words are my savior
but you're the inspirator
can you tell I'm trying to recover to Recovery
grateful for every reason
to keep being the best of me
It's like a new discovery
I've never seen with such clarity
still going through changes
could never exercise what fame does
even if you weren't almost famous
priceless is all the exchanges, we'd
stay up all night finding something to believe
in, I'll never forget, not for an eternity
when you said you'd never regret believing in me.

Indulging in temporary pleasures
All the empty know
For survival

Walking the other way
Doing anything she can
to forget that face

Can she tell that stranger she cares
find meaning , be meaning
and make meaning

Wanting to be held
the way a man wraps his arms around the woman he loves

Taken by a stranger
she doesn't dare hope to meet

How do I do this*
How do I comfort and console
a dear friend suffering
from "the pangs of despised love"
When I know not how to heal myself

The problem is
I know not how to heal myself
Thus should I stumble to find the words
that will bandage the pain
Or silently listen
with open arms

And Hope
the presence of another
who knows those pangs
Will hold

I think
I may have fallen
for an everyman
the one who everyone
can't help but like
and my insecurities
make me ask
do I have a chance
of being the reason
he becomes
my onlyman

By the window
I looked up
Quite alone
And whispered to the currents
What a miraculous shade of sky

You
my love

are eight days
and a flight away .

I love how you never leave me
hug deprived

and save me
from the carelessly painful words

shot at me
the world rushes at me

and only you slow things down
to make moments with me

and just lay with me never lie
I never understood why

wars were fought over freedom
until I found it in your words

and the ways you change me
you're not even trying

with you I'm a better me
I laugh louder

and smile truer
there's no belonging without you

not a place in the world
can't wait to be home

can't wait to be home  
to be with you

She sits
Crossed legged
Crossed arms
And a cross face for sure

But her lips say nothing