love it when the universe keeps destroying my will to live
also not really a poem #2 has officially been proven wrong
10/10 recommend that feeling of not being at your 100% so your friends get bored of you and leave you
this is more of a salty rant that i will regret posting
i’m actually kind of okay right now and i hope this feeling lasts.
i need a reason to believe my
haven't given up on me.
i need a reason to understand why i am so unlikable
i need a reason to know why i'm always the last pick
people always climbing over me.
i need a reason to understand where my qualifications for being considered "worth it"
i need a reason for the endless feelings of loneliness and isolation.
i need some solid substantial evidence that can help explain why the second i start trusting someone
they seem to forget about me.
is this paranoia?
is this a normal situation my mind is altering?
is this reality?
is this the way it has to be?
with being last and being left out and simply not being enough to be
if this is the way it is going to be,
please just give me a reason why.
i've been feeling too many feelings lately and most of the time when that happens i end up writing something but i can't think of anything that could possible convey the chaos i'm feeling right now.
but I feel like I'm not sad enough.
I hate food,
but not enough to stop eating.
I hurt myself,
but not enough for people to notice.
I want to die,
but not enough to seek it.
I want happiness
but i'm too scared to lose my identity.
but not enough to seek revenge.
I'm a kid,
but not enough to live my life.
I'm venting, you can ignore this
long, long, ago
i developed a scar.
i don't know how it happened,
but it did.
my first thought was to put a band-aid over
so i could cover it up
and pretend it wasn't there
i didn't want anyone else to worry
from seeing my pain.
and then a few years passed.
and it only deepened.
now my scar has only gotten worse
but i've gotten so use to covering it up
i don't know how to not.
everyone else shows their scar.
and mine remains hidden.
and then there was you.
you with your perfect smile and straight teeth
you with your twinkling eyes
you and your elaborate words.
you took my arms and held them close.
you told me you'd always be there.
you told me i was your world
and that love
was too small of a word
for what it meant.
you loved me for me.
and i believed you.
and slowly, i began to love you too
and i did something i had never done
i showed you my scars.
i showed you my scars,
and you poured salt right into them.
why i don't open up to people.