I wish you could see how beautiful your life really is.
How your smile brings forth
Such light, and promise.

But you cannot see what's right in front of you
Because you won't look up..
I saw it. The moment I met you.

I wish I could see how wonderful my life could be....

I can't see anything.
Because no such wonder exists
In my forgetful, unremarkable
World.

I stand perfectly still when everyone else is not
When I do make any noise it's when echos are non-existent
And no one notices. Everybody is silent. Oblivious.

Might as well be a living ghost.
People frown when they notice.
I don't blame them. I blame myself.

Features are cemented in my face.
Expressions are blanketed and undetected.
I do my best to convince everybody to ignore me when they finally take notice.

My skin is hard and weathered
As is the asphalt that lays bare
And bleached by the sun's rays.

Your words are the childish chalk
Scribbled across and littering the road
Right in front of our home

And your treason is the hushed rumble
Of chilled autumn rain washing your despairing apologies
Down the gutter at the end of the street

A bird
Without it's wings..

Such a tragedy.

Of course I love you!
I've always loved you..

Just never loved myself.

And just like that...
Those impenetrable walls
Of Confinement
Writhed out from under the infertile soil.

So long was it
The process
Of removing such
Obstructions

.....For what??

Only to be reaffirmed
There is no room for
Comfort.
Not when I am breathing.

I would much rather be playing
In traffic.
Than to face the insults
I was so battered with this evening.

Want to know how callous
A life can be?
Carry my kind of heart
For any length of time.

You will most certainly lose any sight of hope
Even in yourself.

Splash a little water on my bourbon'
Sip and watch you get undressed.
Nothing like a quiet evening
With you ere a good night's rest.


Bold flavors fade away.
My eyes turn glassy.
You slink on hands and knees my way.
I realized tonight has just begun.

...............................................................­..

Don't remember how you got me
On the bed. Don't care.
I'm too absorbed by the wild
Dancing mane you call hair.

Orange blossom and Gardenia
Their auras leave me weak.
Tonight I don't have the strength
To fight back. Can't even speak.

Still have control of my lips at least..
I see your eyes widen and breath quicken
While you lick your lips like a beast.
Skin flares ***** as the air ceases to thicken.

..................

Someone must have slipped something in my drink.
I strangely feel that I am on drugs again..
... Where is my drink? -Oh, you found it!
And your finishing the whole glass..

Sometimes..

It's best to say nothing,
Do nothing,
And pay attention.

Some convictions connot
Soley be served through
Mere words alone.

Again, pay attention
To what isn't being said.
Sometimes.. the silence tells you everything.

Without a Queen
What is a crown
To a King?

Humble..
That's what I hear.
Honest..
That's what I believe..
Sad
That's all I feel.
...Silence..
That's all I receive.

A buzzing through my ear  
The simple tones of stress make me so sleepy.  
The abstract thought of the dark and where am going makes me feel like child again.
There is a sound over and over in my head. Like a song that won't leave.
I look straight ahead it doesn't look too good from where I am standing.
I turn off the alarm and fall back asleep. The day can wait five more minutes.

It could very well be
The amount of pain I'm in
Tonight.

The shortness of breath..
Struggling to swallow
One more gulp of air.

The flush red complexion
Hinting across my face, chest, and shoulders.
The years of erosion in my eyes.

I see all of this in my reflection,
And yet..
..For a fragmentary moment..

I caught the glimpse of someone I aspire to be.

As the twilight starts its dance with the shadows,
My limbs silently break from their tin man sentencing.
Hanging from the ceiling in ornamentation,

Only to be ignored. That is,
Until everyone goes to bed.
I'm in the child's room overlooking the balcony.

Just before he goes to sleep
He lays there staring. Paralyzed.
For he knows I am alive.

As the shadows creep further
Through the windows my body
Becomes the more freer.

He thinks I can't leave my perch..
I wait until his eyes are closed.
It never takes long.

Just wait for that little pulse of his to stop galloping.

Lost in my angry confusion
Thoughts all fall apart
Is this some sort of illusion?
Why is my heart held at ransom?

You say you are no good for me
If I'm smart I will turn and leave 
But I beg to differ. Believe me.
Just take a look and you will see

Another night I grip the sheets
You did your best and lost. Now it's my turn to try.
It's just not right.. for this to be
I'll show you now then you'll know why you lived a lie.

_____

After some time it couldn't be any clearer
I was wrong.
You were nothing but a cancer
With which I cut out of my life.

You told me once
How you tried your hardest
Not to fall in love with me.

You found out
It was the easiest thing
You've ever done.

Loving myself
Well...
....that's the hardest thing I've ever done.