Your hands were intertwined in mine.
Those days, your hair was messy, and as hard as I tried to comb through it, you managed to mess it up every time.
Those days, your skin was warm like the summer air, and with each night you wrapped me in your arms, I didn't know I was struggling to break free.
Those days are long since gone.

Your hands were letting go.
Those days, our lives were messier than your hair ever was, and we tried to clean up our acts to no avail.
Those days, your skin grew cold and took the texture of a snakes. With each night you wrapped her in your arms, even you knew it should have been me.
Those days are long since gone.

Your hands are lost in your messy hair now, your hands hold none but your own.
They don't reach for me anymore, there's no sign of the hands mine used to know.

I don't need you to tell me
Everything will be alright.
I learnt years ago,
This is a battle,
And I will fight.

I don't need you to stitch me up,
I can do it on my own.
I'm not who I was years ago,
When you had to tend my wounds -
I have long since grown.

I don't need you to hold me
Or even talk me down.
I outgrew that offer years ago,
When I still had some innocence,
When I thought you'd stick around.

I don't need you, I don't need anyone.
I've told you a billion times.
You should have tried this years ago,
And I might have changed my mind.

Talk to me when I'm lifeless,
When I'm cold and with my teeth grit.
Yes I needed your stupid help,
Why did I ever need to say it?

I know a girl
With a gasoline temper.

She warns me each day.
She's harmless without cause,
But flammable all the same.

I know a girl
With a gasoline temper.

I tempt her with sparks
And tell her I'm sorry,
But still she takes the blame.

I could write a thousand words to take your breath away.

I could write about your drive,
The ways you make me smile,
How you keep me alive.

I could write about your skill,
How your pen hits the paper with a spark,
And that it always will.

I could write about the colour of your eyes,
The way your tears hit the floor and shatter me,
And the part of me that dies.

I could write about forgiveness,
How you always have some in your pocket
And how I wish I'd need it less.

I could write about the scars on your skin,
The battles you've fought,
The way you never gave in.

I could write about your laugh when you're drunk,
The way it echoed in my ears
And the way my heart sunk.

I could write a thousand words to take your breath away,
Or I could simply tell you you're a mess,
And I like you that way.

You told me you loved me.

You told me once,
Twice,
A thousand times.

You told me softly,
With sweaty hands,
And eager lips.
You told me loudly,
For the world to hear.

You told me truthfully,
With tears down your cheeks,
And sadness in your eyes.
You told me to comfort me,
When there was sadness in mine.

You told me fervently,
With madness in your step.

Perfectly,
In the snow, with winter on your breath.

You told me until your lips grew chapped,
And your throat was raw.
You told me as many times as you could,
In every opportunity you saw.





You told me you were leaving.

You told me once,
Twice,
A thousand times.

You told me softly,
With your body shaking,
And your lips trembling.
You told me loudly,
Unforgivingly,
And doubtful.

You told me truthfully,
With tears pooling in your eyes,
When your hands just couldn't find mine.
You told me to comfort me,
That you'd come back in time.

You told me carefully,
With tenderness.

Imperfectly,
With dying love in your caress.

You told me until you couldn't breathe,
Until I started screaming.
You can't leave me, you can't leave me.
But you left me anyway, in the snow and bleeding.



Your words were made to break me.

When I was born,
My mother held me.
She loved me truly
And without restraint.
I was new
And not afraid.

When I was five,
My father held me.
He loved me on weekends,
But never stayed.
I was innocent,
Yet I felt shame.

When I was nine,
My sister held me.
She loved me when my stepdad yelled,
She hid me away.
I believed in fairy tales
Up until that day.

When I was fifteen,
My boyfriend held me.
He loved me when I hurt myself,
Until he did the same.
I was at fault,
I took all the blame.

Today I'm sixteen,
I won't let you touch me.
Don't love me, I'm not worth it,
Or so my demons say.
Maybe when I'm twenty,
I'll escape my chains.

I met a girl with
Heavy eyelids
And a heavier heart.

She didn't know it,
But she broke my bones
With every touch.

She wondered why I would
Back away.
She wondered why
I wouldn't stay.

I had met a boy
With heavy eyelids
And a heavier heart

He didn't know it,
But he set fire to my bones
With every touch.

He wondered why he would
Never be enough.
He wondered why -
Until it got too rough.

The boy tried to save me
From his ways
By outing himself
And stopping his heart.

He stopped being strong after that,
So I had to start.

I built castle walls around myself
And never answered the door.
I couldn't have another obituary
To add to the shelf.

But this girl was persistent,
She knocked loud and without pause.
I answered only to send her away,
But I took one look and I fell with good cause.

I invited her in, nervous and unwell.
She settled me down,
And got me out of my shell.

The boy has long since been gone,
But his presence remains.
For a ****** exit
Leaves quite a stain.

The girl can see me
In ways no one else can
It scares me to hell,
But I know I'm ready.

Because if you can't tell,
I made her mine already.

Do you remember yesterday?
The day you loved me.

We wrote letters to tomorrow
and savoured every moment.
We floated in each others laughter
and you stole my misery from my lips.

Do you remember today?
The day you loved me.

We burnt the letters and wrote new ones for new people, and cringed waiting for the day to end.
The laughter was muffled by the sound of that ambulance they took you away in, and my misery planted itself in your lungs.

Do you think about tomorrow?
The day you love me.
Or, maybe the day you don't.
We'll stop writing letters, and we'll wash down yesterday with what the doctor ordered.
We'll listen to laughter that isn't ours and wonder why nothing is funny like it used to be.
My misery grew back like a **** in me, and you still haven't uprooted the **** thing out of your chest.

If only we could turn back the clock, and wind it differently.
Yesterday could have lasted.
Today might have been saved.
Tomorrow might not look so hopeless.

I don't know if your clock ever got fixed
But every day feels like tomorrow to me.

I searched for you
Every night;

I searched the stars,
The canyons,
And the ocean
Far and wide.

No matter where I looked
You just weren't in my sights.

You searched for me
Every day;

You searched the clouds,
The mountains,
And the rivers,
Far and wide.

I asked the moon
"Where could she be?"

You asked the sun
"When will she find me?"

In a rare eclipse
We crossed paths
But we couldn't see clearly

In a common passing
We crossed our fingers
That she might love me dearly.

"Does she love me? How will I know?"
I asked the moon
Who solemnly replied
"You don't."

We searched for this love.
But we remember -
all that is found
is bound to be lost.

I can't quite relate to
breakup songs
because you tried to leave
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
the best of poems
because you burned the pages
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
a widow
because you didn't succeed
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
myself, anymore.
because
you were
the one.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place to call home.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place he won't go.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place I can roam.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.

And I'll give you my last breath.

I just can't take
This pain in my chest.

When moonlight fights its way through the darkness to finally meet your lips
Will you kiss it back,
Or succumb to solitude in slumber?

If 3am could talk it would probably tell me all your secrets.
it would tell me the position you sleep in to feel safe
and the ice cold comment your best friend made.

if 4am could talk it would probably only whisper rumours.
It would assume you can't sleep because he hurt you last year
And it would conclude the fluttering of your eyelids had something to do with what you failed to tell 3am.

If 5am could talk it would be nervous and unsteady.
It would look to your still body and wonder if you were at peace, and if it should wake you.
It might ask 6am to follow up.

If 6am could talk, it would try to be cheery. For the sake of 5am.
It might say you slept just fine, and tomorrow will be the same.
6am might lie and have you shaken and stirred for 7am to handle.

If 7am could talk, it would not know what to say.
It would tell me you were happy being unhappy
7am would giggle mindlessly and hope I went away.

By 8am, no one will be talking but you. And you will tell me a mix of what I already heard through the whispers of the night before.

By 9am the silence of the noise will begin all over again, and you'll wonder why nothing has changed. Why 3am can't be trusted, and 8am hasn't saved you from the incessant humming.

I want to listen to you at 3am, not the silence that tells me what wasn't mine to hear.

I want the truth at 4am, and to hold you when 5am can't.

I want to push away the last of the darkness at 6am, and I want to give 7am something to talk about.

I want to be your saving grace at 8am. I want to be the change you feel at 9am, when you hear the music of the world instead of the noise.

She found solitude in
Minimal calories
And
Open skin.

But it's a losing battle
On your own,
So darling,
Let me in.

It must be an acquired taste
To wake each morning with love in your mouth.

It must be bittersweet
To watch simple affection grow complex.

What a flavour
Is living in the shadow of a man.

Perhaps I've lost my appetite.