You told me you loved me.

You told me once,
Twice,
A thousand times.

You told me softly,
With sweaty hands,
And eager lips.
You told me loudly,
For the world to hear.

You told me truthfully,
With tears down your cheeks,
And sadness in your eyes.
You told me to comfort me,
When there was sadness in mine.

You told me fervently,
With madness in your step.

Perfectly,
In the snow, with winter on your breath.

You told me until your lips grew chapped,
And your throat was raw.
You told me as many times as you could,
In every opportunity you saw.





You told me you were leaving.

You told me once,
Twice,
A thousand times.

You told me softly,
With your body shaking,
And your lips trembling.
You told me loudly,
Unforgivingly,
And doubtful.

You told me truthfully,
With tears pooling in your eyes,
When your hands just couldn't find mine.
You told me to comfort me,
That you'd come back in time.

You told me carefully,
With tenderness.

Imperfectly,
With dying love in your caress.

You told me until you couldn't breathe,
Until I started screaming.
You can't leave me, you can't leave me.
But you left me anyway, in the snow and bleeding.



Your words were made to break me.

When I was born,
My mother held me.
She loved me truly
And without restraint.
I was new
And not afraid.

When I was five,
My father held me.
He loved me on weekends,
But never stayed.
I was innocent,
Yet I felt shame.

When I was nine,
My sister held me.
She loved me when my stepdad yelled,
She hid me away.
I believed in fairy tales
Up until that day.

When I was fifteen,
My boyfriend held me.
He loved me when I hurt myself,
Until he did the same.
I was at fault,
I took all the blame.

Today I'm sixteen,
I won't let you touch me.
Don't love me, I'm not worth it,
Or so my demons say.
Maybe when I'm twenty,
I'll escape my chains.

I met a girl with
Heavy eyelids
And a heavier heart.

She didn't know it,
But she broke my bones
With every touch.

She wondered why I would
Back away.
She wondered why
I wouldn't stay.

I had met a boy
With heavy eyelids
And a heavier heart

He didn't know it,
But he set fire to my bones
With every touch.

He wondered why he would
Never be enough.
He wondered why -
Until it got too rough.

The boy tried to save me
From his ways
By outing himself
And stopping his heart.

He stopped being strong after that,
So I had to start.

I built castle walls around myself
And never answered the door.
I couldn't have another obituary
To add to the shelf.

But this girl was persistent,
She knocked loud and without pause.
I answered only to send her away,
But I took one look and I fell with good cause.

I invited her in, nervous and unwell.
She settled me down,
And got me out of my shell.

The boy has long since been gone,
But his presence remains.
For a ****** exit
Leaves quite a stain.

The girl can see me
In ways no one else can
It scares me to hell,
But I know I'm ready.

Because if you can't tell,
I made her mine already.

Do you remember yesterday?
The day you loved me.

We wrote letters to tomorrow
and savoured every moment.
We floated in each others laughter
and you stole my misery from my lips.

Do you remember today?
The day you loved me.

We burnt the letters and wrote new ones for new people, and cringed waiting for the day to end.
The laughter was muffled by the sound of that ambulance they took you away in, and my misery planted itself in your lungs.

Do you think about tomorrow?
The day you love me.
Or, maybe the day you don't.
We'll stop writing letters, and we'll wash down yesterday with what the doctor ordered.
We'll listen to laughter that isn't ours and wonder why nothing is funny like it used to be.
My misery grew back like a **** in me, and you still haven't uprooted the **** thing out of your chest.

If only we could turn back the clock, and wind it differently.
Yesterday could have lasted.
Today might have been saved.
Tomorrow might not look so hopeless.

I don't know if your clock ever got fixed
But every day feels like tomorrow to me.

I searched for you
Every night;

I searched the stars,
The canyons,
And the ocean
Far and wide.

No matter where I looked
You just weren't in my sights.

You searched for me
Every day;

You searched the clouds,
The mountains,
And the rivers,
Far and wide.

I asked the moon
"Where could she be?"

You asked the sun
"When will she find me?"

In a rare eclipse
We crossed paths
But we couldn't see clearly

In a common passing
We crossed our fingers
That she might love me dearly.

"Does she love me? How will I know?"
I asked the moon
Who solemnly replied
"You don't."

We searched for this love.
But we remember -
all that is found
is bound to be lost.

I can't quite relate to
breakup songs
because you tried to leave
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
the best of poems
because you burned the pages
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
a widow
because you didn't succeed
in more ways
than one.

I can't quite relate to
myself, anymore.
because
you were
the one.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place to call home.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place he won't go.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.
A place I can roam.

Give me
Scarlet escape routes.

And I'll give you my last breath.

I just can't take
This pain in my chest.