She holds me while I rest uncomfortably
She grabs my hand when I'm lost in dark places.
Her fiery spirit reignites the embers in my cold soul.
With a kiss on the cheek she gives me the wings
That I'll leave this dreadful mortal space with.
She makes smooth the splinters in my conscience.
When I kissed her again
The bed of nails I was doomed to fall on
Was transformed into a field of her favorite flowers.
She takes away my itch for the volatile substances I crave so badly.
She changed me.
She makes me who I am.

like inhaling
rotten ****
bile in your throat
a lump
chest tightening
night frightening
never-ending
agony
messed mosaic
of broken dreams
hopes and wishes
glass shattering
veins smashing
mixing, mixing:
blood and tears
tears and memories
tears and promises.

The only part of my face that was even remotely recognizable was the space where my eyes should have been.
Years of unceasing tears had washed them away until there was nothing left but two matching deep dark and bottomless pools filled with murky black water that ****** me right in until I was swirling and spinning pulled deeper and deeper.............like water rushing down a drain, rainfall spilling into a gutter.
I was falling, flailing and there was no way to stop it.
No way to claw my back.
No way to spare myself the endless GRIEF.
I was drowning.

When I was small
I walked on fairy dust and
my dreams were as tall
as skyscrapers towering
above the universe
inside of me, was the galaxy.
I was born of the cosmos,
full of light and love
passionate in my quest to
give this to others.
But as I grew my star began to fade,
stars need love and light to survive
and deprived of both my blazing fire
transformed into weak candlelight.
At school I had learnt it was easier
to hide your light
than to stand out as different
and be extinguished in an instant.
So I kept myself to myself
at the back of the class,
knowing the answers but not
shouting them out.
I daydreamed, and doodled
stars on the corners
of my books, all the while
I could hear the universe
calling out to me to trust,
that we are all born of this
cosmic stardust.

As you held my gaze to yours for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from looking away from your loving gaze.
As you held my hand for the first time,
I tried to resist letting go and wipe my sweaty hands on my jeans.
As you held my body close to yours for the first time,
I tried to calm down to stop the rapid beating of my heart.
As you press your lips against mine for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from lifting one of my feet off the ground.
As you start showing your eternal love to me for the first time,
I tried to stop myself from shying away from you as no one has ever loved me as much as you.

{ E.I }