Your lips taste like cigarettes and your thighs feel like porcelain and I just can't decide which I love more

A mother and son standing at the edge of it.*

"What happened?"

"Some say it was a fire, but I don't believe it."

"Why not?"

"Well, a fire that big would've left marks, but there's no scorched earth or anything."

"Then what was it?"

"Poor engineering, maybe. Or some great storm came and knocked it down. Maybe a combination of the two? No one really knows for sure. What do you think?"

"I think . . . I think it just fell in on itself. They built it too big. It couldn't stay that big like that. It just broke apart one day."

"Hmm. Well you know what?
I think you might be right . . . "

17 I taught myself how to use my left hand
when I broke all my knuckles
and took enough Percocet to put an elephant to sleep

17 I got a tattoo on my lower back
and fell in love with being a god
(that's why I still do *******)

17 my favorite lips told me
she thought she might love me
one day

i'm too young to be grateful

Spring
everything is alive and i met a beautiful girl

Summer
the air is thick and we kissed under the stars

Fall
everything is changing and we danced in the rain

Winter
it is cold outside but i feel safe with you

Loving you was
the veins full of
Percocet,
Bad decisions and empty words.
Used our pasts to cure our presents,
Or to numb the pain
Enough to make it to sunrise.

Loving you was
The liquor lies we told
That burned my throat raw
When they asked about us.
Silent swears and repentance.
"Tomorrow."

you drive me crazy
and not in a good way

you make my ******* skin crawl

and I am trying to figure out how
to rip you from my veins

you have always left a sour taste in my mouth
and I am trying to wash you out

but I can't forget the way you made me bleed
when I begged you

no
it never meant anything to you
that's why you never stopped when I begged you

no
please stop
please please please

you drive me crazy
in the "I want to blow my brains out" kind of way

do not touch me again
I can still feel my skin crawl

and I am trying to figure out how
to get rid of you

did you know I drag myself out of bed with six lines in the mornings
did you know I sniffle more than I blow because it's the blow I'm trying to push down my throat
that cringe worthy drip is all I'm living for anymore
did you know I've been high for five years
constantly patting away nose bleeds and I chipped all of my teeth
did you know that addiction is something we made up in our heads
that being high is only as good as the crash
did you know when I was sixteen I tried to get sober
did you know when I was sixteen I said **** it because the crash was way better than waking up alone
cause now I don't bother waking up
or ever going to sleep
or eating
did you know I find some sick pleasure in watching the scale drop
and I ain't never gonna tell nobody
did you know my smile was cut by razor blades
along with six lines of something bitter
did you know..
well no, of course not

And this isn’t some sad love poem about how I still love you
I don’t

But out of all of my mistakes, you’re still my favorite

I am allergic to affection

the term “I love you” makes my stomach turn and my hands sweat
and I think that is why they leave

because I know how to type it all out
but when it comes from my lips it always sounded like a plea

I do not sound desperately in love
just desperate
even the way I touched you

like I wanted so badly for you to be there in the morning but
I didn’t know how to ask you to stay without screaming it

I can’t be alone anymore

I wanted to slice my skin to show you that I needed you
but instead I scared you away

I am allergic to affection

I have never known how to hold someone
how to kiss you without biting your lips

I wanted you to be mine

but you were always so much more

but i already felt the ground slipping out from under me
and the walls are getting a little too close to breathe
and i can't tell the difference between tripping and just a bad dream

somebody wake me up