What a terrible disguise! I can see that dreadful scorn in your pale eyes.
I can see a thoughtful dark tale portraying all awhile.
In short spurts something manifests within you,
please know you need to leave this all behind you.
Trust me dear, I tell no lie.
It is for your best if you try hide, somewhere safe,
where you can re-kindle your life.
Be careful in the worlds divide,
and please take comfort in knowing that I did not leave you behind.

just hormones
i tell myself
not real pain
not a big deal
but everything hurts and i want to die
just hormones 
hiding behind eyeliner
it masks the red 
i wasn't crying
allergies
mine are bad this time of year
i wasn't sad
why do you ask?
how ridiculous
i
don't
get 
sad
i don't need help
 i just need some time alone
no people
just the static crackling of a car radio a few yards away
a talk show with the volume **** turned too loud
screams and laughter from where my friends stand
they aren't like me 
they don't want me
i don't want them
i'll hide in a corner
hide behind a mask
of eyeliner
and lip gloss
cloaked in shadows
drip drip
goes the water
it's cold over here
but hidden
nobody can see me
i'm just another person on their phone
clipped into technology 
indifferent 
not in pain
just hormones 
i remind myself
you aren't really hurting
the slightest touch will turn your eyes into waterfalls
so stay hidden 
stay safe
it's ***** over here
bird **** on a window
how is it that even possible?
moist
disgusting
guarded by 6th graders
to afraid to approach me
but i can feel their eyes on me
creepy pasta
is what they discuss
as they beat their violin strings
with their bows
unpleasant noises
there's my mom's car
pulling up
get ready
smile
energy
brush your hair back
natural
act natural
"How was your day?"
hard
"Fine"
it's just hormones.

I am Jeanette
I am a mother
A redhead
A wife and a daughter
A teacher
A sister
A friend

I am a graduate
A sinner
A master
An artist
A narcissist
A debitor

I am a liar
A creator
A linguist
A learner
I am a killer
An amateur
A model
A protector

I am Jeanette
I am a dragon
I am a devil
I am a woman
I am a mystery

I am Jeanette
I am a poet

Cruzers , bruiser's  The Antilosers ,
We roll proud when our music's up loud,
We be true and we see just right through,
To be the boo you must know the crew. We bust we trust and we Don't need no dust.
Your'e dirt you hurt I won't wear you're shirt!

thanks for the neckless but boy I am wreckless
                                                           Far from a test guess Hot in the best dress.
don't rank me less or think I'm some mess
                                                                 Just don't need stress or you on my chess..
won't play this game You're not gettin fame, don't claim my name cuz boy you're just lame!

I dance

Alone and in silence
To the music within me
No one hears

I dance

With grace unbalanced
Like a swan on water
With no fear

I dance

Like no one is watching
Even though I know
No one hears

The sweet sound within me

But I dance

With great pride I dance
With love I sway
To the sweet sound no one hears
But I dance anyway

(1)
Every idiot is bound
to take life so seriously
and so Tsarevna Euna
saw the torment, the pretension
in all who surrounded her
and she could not smile

Many a fool in earnest faith came -
many a handsome man
who felt there was only one aim in life;
many a clown in grave intent and purpose
auditioned;
many an imbecile from all extremities;
many a thinker, many a philosopher
many a Prophet who said Heaven is Open

But all earnestness is Dumb and Weighty
like the **** of a hippo
and so Tsarevna Euna
saw the gravity
in all who surrounded her
and she could not smile

(2)
And she heard one day
in her lonely walk
in her gray, dry-withered garden
the mouse, the beetle and the catfish talk
of the man who gave away his every coin
of the only three coins he had in the world  

And at last, the Tsarevna knew,
there was one indeed
who knew to treat the world light
(as when a leaf falls, and no one is ******* )
and so she discarded her mournful looks
and she dismissed her father and the royal court
and she grew to be the Wisest Queen of All
and so it is sung to this day,  in all those domains:
*The Princess who never smiled
she had a sudden insight
and she grew to be the Wisest Queen of All

I think of you
Every time I reach
For my pack
Fit snugly
In my pocket.
Steal a smoke,
Put it gently
Between my lips
And light it up
Just to take a few
Hits; filling my
Lungs with tainted
Air I wouldn't dare
Wish another
To breathe.

Exhale to the left
So it goes
Along with the
Wind toward
The mountains
And away from
The memory of
You. I remember
How that day
Driving home from
school, windows
Down and a smoke
Between my fingers
Hanging slightly
In the open
Air, when I was
Distracted by the
Sight of your
Car tailing me
All the way home.

Remember how
You kissed me
So tenderly
As to distract
My eyes from
Your hands
Slowly moving
Down my side
Making me
Shiver in anticipation
Expecting more
Like we used to do.
Instead you
Sneak my Spirits
Out of my
Grasp, taking
My crutch away
And all I can ask
For is just
one more.

You kiss me for
A second time.
I say that is
Not what I
Meant and you
Know it.
You smile
And tell me
That's what
Addicts say.
I remember you
Getting out
Of my car and
Break every single
Smoke in the pack,
Finally throwing
Them away and
Look at me.

I don't look
Back. All I hear
Is your voice
Saying words I
Tried to tune
Out but couldn't
Quite get the
Ringing of the
Love I felt when
You finally
Told me I was
Better than this.
I promised I
Would stop and
Your stringing of
Words gave
Me the strength I
Thought I lost
When I first
Started
Killing myself.

Five hundred and eighty-four
Days I stood by my
Word until I broke
And you were no longer
There to pick up
The pieces.
I think of you every time
I reach for a smoke.
No longer keeping
Track of days
Because I have
Been stuck at Day 1
For too long
To know how it felt
To be free from
A crutch I don't
Know how to
Give up.

Or maybe I
Just don't want to
Because every time
I bring that smoke
To my lips to
Take a drag, I feel
Guilt and dread
And no
Self-worth
But
I think of you.