Locked inside closed chambers,
Forget those constant remembers.

Boxed are feelings untold,
With you why does it unfold?

Closed were the gates to my soul,
A look, and it journeyed to fall.

Landed inside a circle, sacred,
Read were the words forever unread.

Closed doors were the safety that I yearned,
Inside just you who always belonged.

Trusting never came easy to me,
Yet somehow my wish is forever to be.

Loving was something I misunderstood,
You showed a path of the way I should.

Confessions of love was never less,
Never let me go when I've long said yes.

If it’s time that we need,
I'll lay years beneath your feet.
If it’s waiting that we need,
I'll wait an eternity till we meet.
If it’s loving that we need,
I'll love you all my life, my sweet.
If it’s dreaming that we need,
I'll dream of you and hit repeat.
If it’s missing that we need,
I'll miss you with my every heartbeat.
If its patience that we need,
I'll wait with patience till we're complete.

Oh how fools can pity me
For they can not know
Of into which sadness I flee
Of those dark shadows I go

If they dare, sought me out
They know not what they find
From the terror of midnights' shout
Buried forever within insanitys' mind

I will take to the grave my sorrow
Even in Death I am never free
Condemned to rot in somewhere hollow
Where the fools can pity me

Two bodies that roamed in fear of decay
Tombs lay in millions across their way
Two souls that floated, had gone astray
Too long to have spent with the darkness at bay

Gone were the times of their innocent eyes
Alone built were the walls around their cries
Stone were their hearts with all the worlds lies
Morns came when to them light was denied

Through roads of thorns of shattered glass
Blew winds of fate to their luck at last
New dawn with a glowing horizon so vast
Glued were the lives of two outcasts

Inward smiling as the thought just returned
Remembering the shame as advances were spurned
Still going red at the thought's recollect
No romance that time, another chance wrecked.

Ah adolescence and all the things new
The callowness is borne like a fedora askew
The so spotty face that we tried hard to hide
By growing our side-burns enormously wide.

And now decades later and still happy in love
With the woman who always fits me like a glove
Those teenage angst years are now way in the past
But we have to go through them for the now things to last.

To be loved for decades is a wondrous thing
My heart wakes each morning and just starts to sing
For my love lies beside me as we welcome the day
In my heart I now realise it was always this way.

©Joe Wilson - My love lies beside me 2014

It's not that I don't love you. It's the time I read my mom's old journals and every other paragraph included my fathers name. It's that he cheated on every girlfriend he had with my mom. It's that my mom didn't care she was a second choice or a one night stand. It's that my mother never talked to anyone about him after he got married to one of the many girlfriends. It's that she took twenty sleeping pills on the night of what would've been their anniversary. It's that he doesn't even know she's dead.

It's not that I don't love you. It's the couple I overheard in the bread aisle arguing over wheat or white. It's that I heard the woman say a lot of "she" and "****" and I saw her crumble to the ground. It's that he just shook his head and said he was sorry over and over again.

It's not that I don't love you. It's that my best friend is in love with a boy on the other side of the country. It's the morning she took a shower and cried over him. It's that he wasn't even awake to do anything about it. It's that he's always three hours behind and thousands too many miles away. It's that I mean both physically and mentally sometimes.

It's not that I don't love you. It's my geometry teacher, who brought up her husband when she taught me tangents. It's that she also brought up her husband when she taught me the circle unit
too. It's that she gets quiet and smiles after she talks about him. It's that he's been passed away for seven years now and she still has so much to say. It's that she still wears her wedding ring. It's that when she taught me special right triangles, I wondered what her laugh might sound like if he were still here.

What I'm trying to say is; It's not that I don't love you. It's that I do.

I am born of sin of wrath of dirt
Could never come to faith revert

The demons grin echo in my heart
Ripping my inside worlds apart

The good it fades within my dark
Upon my conscious a tainted mark

Witness my failure the demon smirks
The gods they shun me filled with irk

I drag my soul through thorns tonight
I walk empty lanes in an endless fight

Of failures born of failures died
In a million pieces my soul divide

Thus was my nights spent in a sweat
Flashes of misfortune flashes of dread

Of innocent ***** that lay and bled
Silhouettes of my past won't leave my bed