i'm equally as scared as i am curious to know
what i would do if i ever could see myself

not my reflection nor my shadow
not a photograph, not a memory
but to stand beside and breathe
separately and simultaneously
with the person i am right now

would i see the girl that
my loved ones claim to admire and cherish
or be disappointed by meeting
exactly whom i already perceive myself as

broken

would i see death in her eyes
like i do daily in the mirror
or would i see hope, hatred
pity, strength, guilt...fear

yes, i think i'd see fear

i think i'd take a knife to her head
and pierce the wicked, coward
that sits protected within my skull
until i couldn't swing anymore

or maybe i'd give her a hug


...


to stab her in the back.
that seems more like it
we've never been one for
confrontation anyways

15.11.21

how silly of you,
my precious and massive heart,
to press and push and wedge and ram
crushing yourself against this ribbed cage that
unjustly holds you inside the prison of our body
ruled by this ruthless tyrant of a mind

i sincerely believe you would break
my bones before you stop

and i dont blame you

fractured and scattered
pieces of me reconcile
when you hold me together
so tightly that even when
you have to let me go

they don't fall away

10.27.21