Laying here engulfed in your arms,
              nothing could seem more perfect.
As my hand slowly makes its way up your  
              perfectly defined chest,        
                            I wonder.
How could I become so lucky to have you?
                    I find your chest hair.
                         Then your eyes.
              Intensity fills the moment               So much about you leaves me breathless.
                    I can't get enough.
Love, affection, and lust fulfill our actions     for the rest of the night.
                        Breathless.

let me come back home, because without you, I am forgetting how to feel.

It's like I was a sprout waiting for water. And you came and poured down on me and I sprouted instantly. You cared for me, gave me everything I needed. Taught me some lessons on how to survive the hottest and coolest times. I took in all of what you said, it was always in the back of my head. Then before you know it, slowly but surely I became the sunflower that wouldn't turn towards the sun, knowing it would harm me. Waiting for the sun to come to me. Disregarding all you said, constantly telling my conscience to shut up. I knew what I had to do to make it by, but I was afraid. The sun is so beautiful and provides us with heat and what not, but it burns, for it is fire, and I became scared of beautiful things. Afraid to turn away from the darkness into the light. Solely because in the dark you can't see that much, yourself and your thoughts. But in the light you can see anything you open your eyes to, which is terrifying. Either way I knew I had to do what made me happy. That's what you taught me, and I never thought I'd truly have to make myself happy until now.

I forgot ****** healing.
I'm too scared to feel anything when you're done.
It's not like you stroke my hair,
kiss my skin and treasure me.
I'm looking for my spectacles,
emptying out your receptacle.
But there's value in the hand that flushes
down your forgotten ****.

An artist by nature.
A beauty by heart.
A prisoner by mind…I’m falling apart.

What more can I do?
What more can I say?
I’m losing myself in a world gone astray.

No, wait.
That’s not right, the world’s not to blame.
It’s me who’s the problem.  
My soul’s ran away.

“Where are you?”
“Come back!”
“Don’t leave me like this!”
I say,
with tears in my eyes and a tightly clenched fist.

Spiraling spiraling spiraling down
….am I so far gone I can never be found?...

I want to escape, to break free from the chains
That have been holding me hostage since the day my dad walked away.
But with each passing year they get heavier and heavier.
I just want to be free of this hell-binding barrier!!!

Overwhelmed.
Insecure.
Worthless.
Tired.

I see the imperfections.
The weakness that has grown.  
I’m broken.  I’m breaking.  
…lost…
Waiting to be found.

What happened to the warrior I was once said to be?
There’s a cut on my foot, put there intentionally.

The scar,
The pain.
It was self inflicted.
Why am I constantly feeling so **** restricted?

That night I couldn’t breathe.
Couldn’t move for half an hour.
But I dragged myself up and reached into the shower.

The razor sliced hard.
The darkness had robbed me of all of my power.

I was defenseless against myself.
Weeping and cold.
Shaking with guilt of an act gone untold.

I lied,
Am still lying, about its very existence.  
Saying a pan fell and broke.
One of them old cooking dishes.

But I know why it’s there.
What happened that night.
I broke down.
I am scared.
Wound up in fright.

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Let me out!
Leave me be!
Darkness, you’ve won!
Now please,
RELEASE ME!

I’m lost, can’t you see?
I just want to be found.
The girl I once was?
She’s no longer around.

But I’m here.  
Way deep down.
Under all the dark mess.
Don’t stop looking for the girl.
The damsel in distress.

I followed you out of the picture,
our subtle breakdowns, anti-matter,
too drunk to function, too vibrant to sleep.

The tables were numbered when we sat to eat,
uniform plates, revolving staff, doors open
to the public, red wine on tap.

I met you in the bathroom, venetian white,
***** on your sleeve, tears in your eyes,
love on your tongue – an emptied stomach.

I know I can poison you with words,
stop your taste for wine with a kiss.

I followed you to the open grounds,
pollen thick in my lungs, the wind ate sound,
removing all history: you and me, you and me.

The fountain turned copper with generosity,
faded queen, bottle-cap fraud; crowds took us
to alleyways, to your opened front door.

I met you in the kitchen, synthetic white,
heart on your sleeve, *** in your eyes,
tongue upon tongue – truth amongst lies.

I know I can save you from endless distraction,
this need for a fiction; this want for an action.