For the first time today, while napping, I felt myself dying.
Not sick dying, just the passage of time, the slow death.
Time in it's truest fashion, slipping, slipping away.
Sometimes we wish it away, and sometimes it just sneaks away.
Sneaks away during a nap and you suddenly wake up and beg for it back.
Winter has stripped us down the the bone,
it has gone on just too long and we are sick of dreaming of warmth and bees and flower buds.
I know it serves its purpose; a reflection to be hopeful for rebirth.

last night i stayed up late after the sun kissed the horizon's eyelids and wrote poems as letters to all my exs and some to my one night stands lying to them about not being scared of the dark anymore and that i don't recall the exact shape their outline made on my bed sheets.
this morning when the sun rose pink through my window i
did not lick the envelopes instead i lit the corners with
matches and shouted out their names to the walls in
my bedroom. my feet did not take me to the
mailbox instead i'm standing on cold toes
naked in front of the bathroom mirror
waiting for enough warm water to
collect in the tub for me to bathe
in. tonight i'll drink the star-
light that spills out on
the cold kitchen
floor tile and convince
myself i've never truly been
loved by anyone; that i've gotten
here by sheer force of will. that i'm
fearless and invincible while my fingers
fumble with the heavy pistol and my tears
write her name in the folds of my favorite shirt.
tonight is another late night holding sepia pictures
of her because i'm scared to go to sleep alone now. my
whole body hurts when i think about the new empty closet
space she left and how her hand would find a nest in the soft
crook of my elbow when we were walking anywhere or the fresh
shock of electricity when my fingers first found her fingers and her
fingers tied my fingers to my other fingers tight around her waist. my feet ache, because the first time we danced it felt like i had swallowed
a gallon of violent purple hummingbirds and my earlobes are
burning swollen because her painted lips aren't here to cool
them down. her finger nails found the place between my
shoulder blades naturally and i feel so foolish because i
gave my whole self to her but it was an unwanted gift.
it's three in the ******* morning again and i'm
writhing under the thick down blanket but her
velvet toes aren't tucked deep into the small
of my back for warmth. before i choke on
my mistakes and crush my fat tongue
with a bullet i just need to ask her
why

why did i lose you to him?
why are his hand prints on your hips?
why does he get to wake up next to you?
why can't i think of a good excuse to call you?
why did my right foot disappear when you left me?
why does his morning breath get to tickle your eyelashes?
why can't i remember what your nose looks like when you laugh?
why isn't my pillow as comfortable as your bellybutton?
why do you have nothing to say to me anymore?
why does my mouth still taste like a bird's nest?
why did you take my cast iron skillet?

Mum I grew up
My worries are taller than the mountains
And my fault in life is plenty
My dreams have been stifled
And my heart is heavy
Behind these eyes
I hide my pain
My brain resists the telling of my heart
Of knocking your door at night; and crying.

I said brown eyes were my favorite,
but the hottest fires burn blue,
and her eyes were no exception.
Eyes like hers can burn a heart to ashes
and turn a universe upside down.
Eyes like hers can make a soul fall in love
and never turn back.

You are a
Work of Art
Chiseled from
The Maker's Hand
A unique combination
Of Humanity and
Spirit
Formed in Flesh
With a spirit.
Of love
Bestowed with gifts
Only you can
Share or keep
If kept to
Self
The gift would
Die
And bare.
No fruit
It.is up to
You
Are you a
Master's Piece