places
    whisper thoughts
    memories
time
    escapes
       into you
i know
    the secrets
         that lie
         deep
but find it
    hard
    to track them down
    hold them
           in my hands
we search
    through time
    but find that
    we are timeless
we wait for
    existence
    to enrapture us
the shades of light
    twist
    in and out of dark
moments
    scramble
    towards an understanding
    coded to follow us
sunfire
    burns
    my soul
             heats us
             we melt into another
defined by
    what we can only be
dust circles us
    shadowing
    the truth
we hide
in black
never to surface

November 1, 1998

Take me back to Tennessee in the Garten of Kinder
The border of the south where there's barely a winter
And when there was, the snow was stolen
From the boy next door who wanted some snowmen
Take me back to the eggs on the floor where she slipped
But she was okay after Mommy's forehead kiss
Take me back to the little things that made it all okay
Take me back to that fight we had every other day
Because we loved too much to keep up a fight
So we took some breaks for one day or a night
Take me back to the "friends forever"
Forever eternalized:
*Misremembered

5 o'clock in the morning,
We're half asleep on the floor.
A conversation that makes no sense,
But to me it might mean more.

I hate that the sun shines when i'm sad. Stop mocking me sun.
I want to scream to it please be sad with me, it's all I will ever ask.
I hate that the days go slower when you look forward to something.
Stop teasing me life. I want to scream please let me be happy, it's all I will ever ask.
I hate the every-now-and-then-religions. Stop it hypocrites.
I want to scream, don't judge me because i'm not a quiet sinner.
I hate that I love and i'm not loved back. Stop hurting me lover...
I want to scream I won't hurt you, truly, I promise...

I'll miss you
But most of all,
I'll miss how I was,
When I was,
With you.

Before you left,
Running away,
From the memory,
Of me,
And who you were.

May the light,
Of the morning sky,
Be tinged on,
Your eyes,
*Be filled with longing.

I'm not afraid of the future
I'm just afraid to repeat the past
I am afraid of the unanswered questions
And I'm too afraid to ask.

I'm just afraid of the missing link
Of the chain I've been climbing so long
I'm just afraid of trying
Because I'm afraid of being wrong

Sometimes I lay in bed and miss you,
And I remind myself that I shouldn't,
I remind myself that you aren't missing me,
I think about how much you didn't care,
How you destroyed me.
Every night when I'm missing you,
With every fiber of my being,
So hard that the muscles in my stomach hurt,
And my hearts beating fast,
I try to stop and think,
All those nights you stayed up for hours screaming at me,
I try to remind myself that you didn't treat me well,
But in the middle of the night,
When I'm dozing through awake and dreams,
I don't remember those things,
And I'm just laying there,
And I miss you.

Everytime I see your face I want to cause you harm.
I want to harm you like you harmed me,
Taking from me what I held so dear.
She was my sun,
My moon,
But now my days are as dark as my nights,
Clouded over with this sickly spite.

Even a year later I can't begin to forgive you,
At first I blamed myself,
Until I saw you holding hands.
I always wondered why the reason was,
"It just won't work."
I found it odd that the thought manifested itself after over a year of bliss.

I can't blame you,
Perhaps I am the one at fault.
But that won't change the hatred I feel.
It won't change the fact that I feel betrayed.
It won't repair the friendship we once had.

I just hope, for your sake, you treat her how she deserves to be treated.
She's your princess now,
So be the prince that she wishes for,
The prince I wish I was.