Do not let me go:
They say that if you love something to let it go....
That you shouldn't force someone to make time for you.
That they will make the time if they want to.
But what if I'm not interested in waiting around to see if I'm worth anyone's time of day?
What if I'm not looking to be let go?
What if I'm content with my state of desperation, state of "Oh, please want me",
state of "Please! Don't leave me alone"?
Loneliness.
The word itself sounds like an echo bouncing through a hall of sweet nothings.
It doesn't sound like a happy word.
It doesn't feel like a blissful state.
It's not warm.
It's not inviting.
It's not what I wanted to be surrounded by.
Yet, it's somehow the only thing I can see.
Which is amazing.
The ability to see loneliness? To see nothing?
But I do.
And I feel it.
And I'm surrounded by it.
And I didn't want this and I didn't ask to be alone.
Yet I am.
So.
If you love me, do not let me go to test my dedication to you
because I promise I am fully embedded in your presence.
I am surviving off the warmth that is extended just from knowing that you lie on the other end of the phone.
You are in reach
and I am not alone.
I will not wait to know if I am worth your time of day
because if by chance I am not,
there would be no recovery.
If I've not attempted to run your eyes across my name,
engraving it into your brain,
then there's hope you have not forgotten me.
And I am not alone.