The only reason I'm alive today.
Is because I fear the afterlife.
Not because it's real.
Not because the prospect of eternal damnation is troublesome.
Not because I disbelieve in eternal bliss either.
But, because what I desire most is nothingness.
Absolute oblivion
No more sensations.
No more lessons.
No more personal perception.
And no one, nothing, can promise this to me.
Atheism is still a belief in this fashion.
Nihilism is vain grasping at disconnectivity
And I am vain in this longing.
That my pain is more unique than anyone else's.
That to share it would only separate me further.
From all of you.
Even that wording is egocentric.
How many of us have built these fortresses around us?
pointed fingers at the mirrors of the world and cried:
OTHERS!

Say my love is easy had,
  Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad--
  Still behold me at your side.

Say I'm neither brave nor young,
  Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue--
  Still you have my heart to wear.

But say my verses do not scan,
  And I get me another man!

In this dense darkness, I wish only to see. For light to guide my stranded way, so that I could just be free.

I flex these wings of angel soft, stretch them to keep strong. Put it down with ink and pen, to document where i went wrong.

This magic harp is broken, it once played a heavenly sound. My tears have turned it to rust, no hope to repair it can be found.

I look down upon my twisted hands, turned my halo into chains. I wonder in my solitude, if clarity still remains.

I was cast from heaven, salvation I no longer have a right to seek. Bare and exposed before you, I'm embarrassed that you'll peek.

My sins are all around me, scattered in every direction. I cant stand the traitor that I see, when I gaze at my own reflection.

I kneel to cry, pushing the hair back from my face. It hurts to be human, when souls like me have no rightful place.

I stacked you up so wonderfully.
Hand poised,
Fingers light.
Made a beautiful home to call my own. Yet it all so quickly fell apart. A
King and Aces lay dead at my feet, Slaughtered by my instability.
Murdered by the very hand who built a home and promised love.
Shuffle the deck,
Count the endless possibilities.
Ironic that hearts are my favorite suit, Yet I always pull spades.
Compose and begin again.
I keep building homes with cards,
Then become shocked when it all falls apart.

As if it blossoms in the moonlight, white flower tainted red. Poisoned by the lies you told, wishing it where dead.

Beautiful flower it once was, so delicate to touch. Who could ever fathom, that a lie could destroy so much.

I watch it wilt, and fade away under the burning sun. The truth is barried within itself, in this battle no one has won.

It struggles to keep strong, but it only controls so much. It wilts at the very thought, that another could have your touch.

Its petals fall without your care, you left it here to die. This flower once full of beauty, was destroyed with a single lie.

In the dark forest, I watch her bleed.
And witness the end. Her undoing.
I am the cause. Is this reality?
Is this a fantasy?
Her screams, a taboo melody.
Nothing has been so sweet.
So beautiful.
By the icy river
I watch her float away.
Blood trailing behind her.
The water. Now a dark elixir.
I wish to drink.
The watered down crimson juice flows down my throat.
Never had I been so pleased.
Is this type of insanity contagous?
Is this what I am to be?
In the dark forest, I smile. Turn, and go home.

I wonder if you would miss the little things that I do
When I'm around you.
The way I yawn in the mornings
The way I thank you in German.
Always the same.
I know I'd miss all things you do.
The way you look at me and laugh when I do those stupid little things.
Let us live as dullards do.
We can live in ignorance.
Not knowing what do.
You look at me.
I look at you.
We smile and whisper goodnight.
And we sleep
Until the morning light.
Shall I live in ignorance?
If it's to make you happy, I shall.

Your mind so fragile
Your memories only mere fragments.
Do you believe I was really always here?
Do you remember the love you had for what we were?
Do you ever think of what we could have been?
O' my darling. O' my king.
I'd like to believe I'll always be your little dove.
Though seperated by distance,
We have never been so close.
Hand in hand, walking in sync.
O' my prince. O' my love.
Had we not been so far apart
Would we still be together?
Tears had flown from my eyes.
Blood has dripped from my wrist.
My thighs.
My heart.
I miss your gentle embrace.
Do you remember this?