Alex Hedly

May 2014

Jaide Lynne

When we were young we used coloring books, full of black and white outlines just waiting for be made into something beautiful, waiting to be brought to life with colors.

When we were young the reaches of colors had no limits, we didn’t stick with what colors we are told were correct.

When we were young the princesses could be purple with green hair.

When we were young we didn’t know that the world is full of grey area, we didn’t realize that when you mix too many colors together all you get is a terrible shade of brown.

When we were young we let our imaginations run wild. We let our colors sparkle in the sun.

But, too many years with the sun beating down has faded our colors. Powerful beams slowly bleaching out the colors of joy, and sadness, rage and love. Until all that is left is white with little tinges of what used to be the worlds brightest hues turned grey.

We began to listen when we were told that the colors we had chosen were wrong. That a boy’s favorite color couldn’t be pink, that the trees and the grass had to be green, and the ocean was always blue.

The most pigmented personalities and the most vibrant people have become pastel, because it is easier to blend in with the crowd than stand out.

This world is not how it used to be, all of the color has been drained.

But, I think everyone has the potential to be filled with color. Everyone can be a light show at disney or fireworks on the fourth of july, everyone can be an easter egg, or a glow stick. Anyone can be a rainbow, they just have to let their colors be louder than the negativity of this messed up world.

So, spread your colors, blind everyone with your light, like that one teacher that doesn’t warn you before they turn on the lights. Play your music too loud, make sure that if they can’t see your colors they can hear them. Write, spill your heart out in words, stain the pages red with passion, or yellow with joy, or black when you are feeling hopeless.

Paint this world how you want,

Make the trees pink, and the grass blue,

And don’t color in the lines, because the most interesting pictures really never do.

#self #color #expression

Alex Hedly May 2014

I think about death a lot

you used to tell me that death was nothing to fear
but that's not true
and it's not actual death that I'm afraid of though
it's what happens afterwards

where will I go?
what will happen to my spirit?
will there be a heaven waiting for me?
or am I destine to sit in eternal darkness?

I like to imagine that we all become stars
shining down on the earth
and guiding our loved ones through the forest
looking down on everyone and smiling because you know they admire you

I also think a lot about what will happen to me physically
I mean, I know that I will decompose
but what will happen after that?

I like to believe that flowers will sprout from my remains
covering the ground in beauty and joy
people will look at my garden and know I was loved

some might not be as lucky though
weeds might grow from them
they're poison will cover the ground and create landfills
they're toxins will spread into the hearts of everyone that sees their grave

it doesn't matter what happens once your dead though
what matters is what happens when your alive
and maybe that's what I'm most terrified of
that what I do while I'm living won't get me stars or flowers

maybe I'll leave scars and be destine to have a poisoned grave
the few who come to my funeral will spit to the ground
hoping that my soul will still be there to feel it
hoping that I live in eternal darkness

so the next time you tell me that death in nothing to fear
I will simply laugh
and reply with 4 words
"you're right, life is"

Alex Hedly May 2014

Mugs

My family asks why I leave mugs around my room
Well it's because they remind me of you
Filling me up
And then draining everything from me
So I can't bear to move them

And I won't

May 2014

Jeremy Duff

Remember That Time At Eric's When Tony Said That I Said That I Loved You? Well, Tony Was Telling The Truth.

I remember waking up very early the next morning,
maybe three hours after I fell asleep on the bathroom floor.

I tiptoed through the house, careful not to wake anybody up,
even the guy who kept telling you to drink
even though you very kindly asked him to stop.

I'm not sure if you ended up drinking,
I forgot most of what happened that night,
but I remember shouting from the tire swing
that I loved you and that I loved you
and that I loved you.

I found where you were sleeping,
relieved to find no body next to yours,
and calmly placed a hand on your forehead.
You stirred, before gently grabbing my hand as it pulled away.

Eyes still closed,
you asked me how I felt.

I feel okay, nothing appears to be broken.

You said nothing and went back to sleep.
I said nothing and sat there for a long while.
I watched your chest rise and fall with each breathe,
and I loved you and I loved you and I loved you.

After a time I stepped outside to smoke a thought,
and the thought I smoked was not of you or of the night before
but of my mother.
She told me,
after I brought home my first date, two months into my freshmen year of high school,
that just because I desire somebody's love,
does not mean I deserve it.

I loved you and I loved you and I loved you
but I did not deserve your love.

#love #and #****

Alex Hedly May 2014

Candy Man

The first time I saw you, you were eating candy
Which is ironic because you couldn't have been less sweet
The more I think about it,
The more I realize that you must have been eating sour patch kids
First they're sour
Then they're sweet
Then you so full of regret because you knew it wasn't good for you

The first time I talked to you, you told me I was beautiful
Which was pointless because clearly I wasn't as beautiful as her
I noticed you had an every-changing taste in candy
You must have also had an ever-changing taste in girls

You must have been full of jaw-breakers when I kissed you
Because you made mouth ache
Or maybe it was from the endless yelling
Nights I flossed with cotton candy
Wishing it would cause my teeth to rot and fall out
So I never had to speak to you again

But the truth is you were my candy
Rotting me from the inside out
And yet I thought you were so sweet
How could something so delicious be so bad for you?

You're still my guilty pleasure
I still sneak down at midnight to have a taste of you
You still melt in my mouth
Spreading addicting poison through my body
Giving me a sugar high
Making me think everything is sweet
Then letting me crash

You let me crash

Just like a candy man, you make me sick if I have too much

So I wrote this for my cousin who's going through some relationship problems

Alex Hedly Apr 2014

Feminism

'Feminism'
A word poisoned with stereotypes
A noun sprinkled with hate
A collection of letters looked at as a curse

We are taught at a very young age how society works
Where men and women stand
Men are meant to climb the social ladder to the highest point
While women 'stay in the kitchen'

A sentence thrown around like an old baseball
A constellation of words that has been whipped at women since the beginning of time
Have you ever been hit by a ball?
It stings
Guess what
So do those words

Susan B. Anthony fought long and hard to get women equal rights
Susan B. Anthony did not fight long and hard for women to be accused for wearing a skirt that is too short

Elizabeth Blackwell became a doctor to prove that women can do any job a man can do
Elizabeth Blackwell did not become a doctor to get paid less than a man for doing the same job

Judy Chicago wrote a book on feminism to create a movement
Judy Chicago did not write a book on feminism to have feminists looked at like criminals

We do not belong in the kitchen
We belong exactly where men belong
Right next to them
Wherever they may be

We are not creatures
We are not servants
We are not your cat so please stop calling at us like we are one on the street

We are women
We are strong
We are brave
We feel
We hurt
Have you noticed that men are all those things too?
We are equals