Dear Friend,
It's been a long time since we last talked
I just wanted you to know I'm trying
Did you hear that?
I'm trying
I'm trying so hard you lousy *****
I'm trying because you told me I wasn't
But you've probably forgotten that, haven't you?
But friend, you'll never know how those words felt
Like ice and salt pressed to my skin until they left a scar
A scar that always screams to me I'm not trying hard enough
Because I always wanted to be good enough for you
I always wanted to be perfect enough for you
I always wanted to be enough
For you
But writing this letter I realize I never will be
Because you probably won't even read this
Maybe if I wrote this in my own ******* blood would you pay attention
Because then you'd know it's from the heart
But no, you'll just continue to talk about yourself
Your problems
Your life
You, you, you, you, you
But that's not good enough
And maybe I'm not the one not trying hard enough
Maybe it's you
Maybe you're not trying hard enough to be a decent person
Now the tables have turned
So I'll say it one last time
Dear Friend,
I now wonder what those 6 little letters mean when I write them down on paper
Is it possible I'm not trying hard enough to understand them?

I was different from the other girls
he told me
"classically weird"
But he lied

Perhaps it's because --------------------- s he -
-----------------------------------------------------------
---­------------------- seemed like a ------ star to
-----------------------------------------------------------
--­---------------------------------------------------------
-------­-------------------- an old soul --------------
--------------------------------------------------­---------

The heater still rattles
With the bobby pin I dropped in there while kissing you
And every time I hear it, it creates a new beat
A stronger one
A louder one
A beat that yells to me "You'll never forget him"

The heater seems to produce the smell of your cologne
During late nights when I miss you
The smell that made my stomach flop
The smell that still peppered my skin once you left
A smell that shouts "You still love him"

The heater still has a dent
From all the times we sat on it
And that causes the air to blow into my face
And dry my tears late at night
Just like you did
Tears that howl "He was-no scratch that-IS perfect"

The heater still has a scuff on it
From the morning you threw your she at it because it stopped working
And it produced warmer air after that
Almost as warm as you
Before you left
Now the air is cold
A cold that screeches "He was your everything"

And the heater still has your jacket on it
Because I can't bear to move it
And in the early mornings I put it on
And drink a cup of coffee
Like I did with you
By the heater
A heater that screams "Maybe he still loves you"

Did you even want to see me this morning?
Or should I have disappeared?
Like the moon
Making way for the sun and all his shining glory

But the moon and sun were once in love
But then the sun would leave at night
And come back in the morning smelling of cheap perfume and liquor
And the moon would escape into the dark
To dry her tears

And I will do the same
I will dry my tears as you burn a new victim
And late at night I will cry alone
I will cry shooting stars and wish upon them that you will come back
But you won't
We will simply orbit without ever catching a glimpse of each other
And you will be content
I will not
Because you are left with light
And I am forced to face the dark

I love you more than music
And that's saying a lot considering music literally controls my life
Every breath, every step is to a beat
But now the only beat I listen to is your heart
When I'm pressed to your chest
Late nights I spent where the only soundtrack was our breathing

You see you've become my music