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alaska jade Jul 18
I hate every moment of silence I've had to take for you
I hate every bowl of grapes paired with a slice of melon
I hate all of those stupid gravel trails, especially when they're damp
I hate that you loved me
I hate wearing that beautiful black dress with the beads
I hate that stray cat with its heart-shaped nose
I hate calls from anyone else at night
I hate running when you're not there to tease me
I hate crying on my good days
I hate that you were the best love I've ever known
I hate how you wheezed when you laughed
I hate your bad posture
I hate every email I get
I hate that you didn't say goodbye
I hate all the sympathy
I hate the heaps of food that I can't eat
I hate that you held my hand that night
I hate the way you'd sing to me
I hate how well you knew me
I hate the hymns I mumbled at your funeral
I hate that you left me
I hate that you were drowning
I hate that you aren't next to me right now
I wish you were still around.
alaska jade Jul 11
If I knew that day, what I know now,
We would've spent that night together
At our spot
Legs crossed
But hands bound together
You'd lean forward
And I'd lean back
And we'd do that silly little dance
For hours
And it wouldn't matter
Because it would be me
And you
And your heart
Would be beating
And mine would be too
And I'd feel it
In your wrists
In the heat of your breath
On my neck
That you'd bite at
As a joke, of course
A gesture of satire
Because we were so different
Never like the other boys
And girls
Fooling around
At that same spot
Our spot
And you'd pull me in
And I'd lean
Closer
Just about as close
As I could get
Without breaking it
Then I'd laugh and
Throw my head right
On your shoulder
But you'd cup my chin
And bring me right back
So I could look
Into your eyes
They're blinking
But I can just barely tell
It's too dark out
But they're blinking
And mine are blinking back
Now your hands are collecting
My gallons of palm sweat
But you don't care
Cause you say your hands are
"Too dry anyways"
And then I'd say
**** it
And break it
Cause it's your last time alive
How could I not
It's your last time alive
what id do to bring you back
alaska jade Jul 11
Forgive me for all the times I was too stubborn to say
"I want this" and "I want you" and "I'm really just afraid"
I wish you'd dissect my words the way you'd dissect a poem
Cause I miss you and I think it's about time you come home
So let's forget my nervous laughs and flimsy little shrugs
Come over here, quickly, for our love is far from done
alaska jade Jul 10
It wasn't the first time I brought someone to that spot
And it certainly wasn't the last

But we were both one sip deep
And the frost was eating at your nape

So you stole my hands from my lap
Cause they just looked cold

And that was good, it was good like that
Your hands suffocating mine, our bones about to break

Your eyes peering down at mine
Then up and down and up again

You were so alive then
Like the lively sun on that unfriendly winter night

It wasn't the first time I brought someone to that spot
And it certainly wasn't the last, for me.
he's dead now. he died.
alaska jade Jun 13
For only so long can you be the girl
Empty-eyed and cold
Because they will grow sick of your behavior
Jealous of the blank stare you’ve become
The shell you’ve polished so well
And that’s funny to me
Because to them
Sunsets are still just sunsets
And to you
Every ray of warmth
Is just another joy
His skin will never feel
He will never again squint in the sunlight
He will never again feel the beads of sweat dripping from his brow
But to them the heats a nuisance
Another reason to hate life
Another reason to hate the living
The grief of a lover
alaska jade Jan 27
Under the same streetlight where I used to know
You stand hands in pocket, hips pointed out
You know, that's the same way my lover used to stand
A little careless, a little confident
Like you aren't sure if you'll fall but
Either way, it doesn't scare you
Even when your hands are bound
Between the two pieces of fabric
A gum wrapper, some coins
You know my dad said he'd shoot my girl just for standing like that?
You shoot a sly smile and melt into the night
As I melt into the satin and give God a kiss goodnight
alaska jade Jan 27
You say you love me,
But do you love the way my skin dimples in the light
Of my bathroom, you know, the one with the hair crusted sink
That my mom finds the strength to clean once a year
Cause you were raised on silver spoons and shiny silver plates,
Who the hell on this Earth needs a silver plate?
It seems you have become a prisoner in your own home
And I hope you'll look past my mother's maiden name
So that we can become the kids you know we are
Skipping stones into puddles, catching mud in our jeans
As I bleed on the concrete and you bleed into me
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