I never thought I would ever feel
such terrible, terrible pain.
I never thought I would feel so alone,
or be left alone to rot in my misery.
But here I am, lonely and hurting
both inside and out...
I anguish.
And it's all your fault.
I thought you were the one,
that you'd love me forever;
not once did I imagine
us not staying together.
It was perfect, and felt so right.
But then one day, it went so wrong.
I woke up,
and you were gone.
No note, no goodbye...
and I couldn't cope,
because I didn't know why.
I gave up everything...
family, friends, my home...
to be with you,
then be left all alone.
No one approved, you see.
But I fought, saying "listen to me!"
Then I told them they were wrong,
that I loved you
and you loved me, too.
So they left me, said I was on my own.
And now you've left me too,
and I realize that I was the one that was wrong all along.
So terribly wrong.
Now I don't have you
or my home.

So I anguish.

I sit in the shadows of this lonely world
filled with people who I don't know,
nor care about.
And they don't give me a second look.
I'm pitiful.
I go about every day in a haze,
a blurred daze,
lost in my ways;
can't get out,
can't move on.
Can't do anything anymore.
I feel...

                                                        ­                                        nothing.


I am numb,
and I don't know if I will ever feel anything but pain
ever
again.
The pain you caused.
The pain I loathe.
The pain I can't seem to run away from.

And so I anguish.

Miserable, all the time.
Not that time has any meaning, anymore.
I've lost track of the day...
every hour, week, year,
speeds by,
rushes past me,
leaving me in the dust,
with the dust,
covered in dust.
I am stuck in the past,
my horrible, terrible past,
and I cannot move on,
forget what you've done,
no matter how hard I try.
All that I can do is
sit in the shadows and cry.
The tears sting my cheeks like acid rain,
falling down in constant pain,
filled with the only memories that remain.
All bad, or sad;
even the happy ones make me mad.
Because they're all of you,
or my friends and family...
everything I've lost,
and all because of you.

And so here, now,
I anguish.

I cannot stop.

I hate you, you know.
I gave you three years of my life.
And now I give you more,
because even when you're gone,
I can't move on.
Why did you leave, abandon me?
Why did you prove me wrong?
I thought that you would always be there for me,
love me too, like I've always loved you.
But now that love has
tarnished,
rotted,
decomposed,
into such
vengeful hate.
You cracked my heart like a china plate;
fragile as it was,
you didn't even care.
You threw it on the ground
and left it there.
To wither away, maybe?
Or would you rather it be shredded like paper,
torn,
ripped,
burned down to a crisp,
to ashes that will seep down into the earth,
down to Hell where you belong.

I hope you die.

Or at least get what you deserve.
Until then,
                            
                              ­                                                                 ­   I anguish.

Time stands still, like I do,
unmoving,
uncaring,
unfeeling...
I've lost everything.
Least of all,
you.
I thought that I loved you,
and would never forget,
never regret,
all that we once had.
But now all I want to do is forget,
and I could never regret it more.

And still,
I anguish.

Maybe I have lost this battle,
and the war inside me still raging on
seems hopeless, too;
but I'm glad now, at least,
that I have lost you.
I just wish I had sooner,
before I made my biggest mistakes;
falling into your sticky web and
choosing you over those I had always trusted before...
How could I have been so
stupid?
I should have slammed the door
in your pathetic face long ago.
And yet still, now,
I cannot let it go,
cannot move on,
cannot handle the pain you caused,
the pain you put me through.

So I anguish,
and I'm afraid that that is all I will ever be able to do.