You gave me hope.
When I felt like I had nothing, at least I had you.

Remember when you used to talk to me every day?
Remember how we just seemed to understand each other so easily?
Do you remember?  
Everything came easily.
Remember when we talked on the phone for hours?
I do.
I can’t forget.
I try to forget you -
To lose the image of your eyes,
Or misplace the sound of your laugh -  
I try so hard to get rid of all of You.
But you are inescapable.
I can’t evade the idea of you and “what could have been”.

We will never get to find out.

Why was it so easy for you to forget me?
You just left -  
left my high hopes to crumble.

(a.g.)

Nothing hurts nor heals like the powerful words
“It's temporary”.

He was my whole life.
future, present, past
And we didn’t last –  
that’s all there was to it.
No big shebang, no yelling, no tears…
Only a soft goodbye.

That fourth of July,
He held me close,
We swayed to the music,
He whispered, “I love you” in my ear,
People were watching
Fireworks bursting -
I never would have thought it was temporary.
I never would have thought our love would grow so old so soon,
That we’d say words to hurt each other so deeply.
I never could have imagined that all the love I felt in my heart for him was not enough to have him for longer.
As if someone pulled a plug out of the bathtub,
And all we had slipped through the drain –
before we could even notice it was gone.

I built all I was around you --  
But you were only temporary.
When I let you strip away my layers,
bared for you to see all that I was,
I was giving you my forever…
But, you weren’t meant to stay.

I know I was supposed to meet you, I have always known that. I felt it in my heart the day I first saw you.
I assumed that meant you’d be my always,
I think we both did.
But, you, you were only temporary;

Like a temporary tattoo to a little kid,
It’s bright and perfect and AMAZING the first couple of days,
But then it fades,
Gets ***** and sticky,  
And it never washes off as easily as you want it to.
If you weren’t meant to be permanent,
I wish I could stop my mind from missing you
and get rid of this sticky residue –
But then again, my dear,
Missing you will only be temporary.

(a.g.)

You say I played games with your heart…
that I took all we were for granted.
But trust me (if you can)
I never saw any of this as a game.

It hurts me to think that
you don’t think I tried hard enough.
Oh, please understand that I tried.
I gave you every inch of me
Every hidden corner,
Every sharp edge,
Every soft curve.
I gave you my whole universe,
And in doing so, I stopped expanding.
I stopped growing into myself so I could only grow toward you -
My sun.

I never saw you as a toy.
You were my greatest weakness,
My best friend,
And my world.
The day I decided I needed to grow for myself, the universe of our love was swallowed up in its entirety.

I hope you understand,
I gave you all of me, maybe too much of me --
In loving you, I lost who I was.
Maybe it’s time we both start expecting better,
Me for myself,
And you for your love.

This was never a game to me.
But, if it was a game,
and the prize was our love,
we both lost.

But, maybe we will understand why we had to lose this,
And maybe one day we’ll be fine.

(a.g.)

He said he wished we lived somewhere else
where we didn't end the way we did.

even if we did --  
live on some alternate planet and were slightly alternate versions of ourselves,
I don't think it would have changed anything.

even if he would have answered the phone
when I wanted him to,
written me more love letters,
taken me on more adventures,
or held me when I needed him most.
even if he had taken time for all the little things...

I don't think it would have changed anything.

(a.g.)

When I was five,
I filled my doll house with almost
a hundred rollie polies
(Trust me, I counted)
Simply because I wanted them to have
A nice home.

Dirt wedged under the nails
Of eager hands that hunted.
The small bugs curled into
Little planets
As they rolled to the center of my palm.

One by one,
They went into the worn, plastic, cup.
I peered closely at them in sheer admiration,
As though they were the equivalent
Of a puppy underneath a Christmas tree.

They were taken to the room of
Bunny rabbit wallpaper and afternoon naps.
Each one placed after
Careful deliberation
Into the room it would like the best.

Then, a blur:
The shrieks of my parents,
A hurried search party,
And the heart-sinking disappointment
That the humble earth-dwellers
Had not appreciated
My generous mansion.

How fragile dreams are.
For two seconds of joy,
There was half an hour of pure chaos.

Oh, isn’t that just how some things go?

The expectation is better.

(a.g.)