they say the only good part of sleeping
is the moment where you are falling into it
because that’s the best moment
that you’re still there for

I’ve been asleep for my whole life
but meeting you
turned time backwards
and I’ve awoken into the most blissful
moment I’ve
ever been here for

death is a sneaky person
he can snake tendrils into the folds of your brain
while you stare at a blank page
hoping the slithering in your head
is inspiration begging to be let into the empty space

the time between was a constant crime
perjury over and over to a jury of past selves
the slithering I felt at 14 became a buzzing by 21
and at 23, could cause hearing damage
I had to scream my inner monologue
just to hear myself

death and I walked together
and soon, his grip on me
transformed into my grip on him
holding on tight to what he promised me
"death," I spoke to my longest friend,
"won't you take me soon?"

those words became breakfast on hard days
lunch on long days
until it was dinner every night

I finally had the courage to look him in the eyes
so that I might see who I adored so dearly
his grip loosened on me to take down his hood
and I saw the life I hadn't led
every promise I never kept
every cut that ever bled
I saw a quiet somber in death's eyes
and I realized I had to let him go

with a sad smile,
I indulged my old confidante
and promised to live until he was ready
to walk together again.

my life is paved with your name
like you had been watching out for me
from your parallel life
and when you fetched me from
a dark front yard
we were not strangers
for even a single moment

there is nothing strange
about you being the only one
fluent in my tongue
about you finding ways to teach me
my own vocabulary

now I know
I did have a word for love,

you.

my canines feel morphological
their sharpness cultivated to feast
and they seek every bone beneath your skin
burrowing in every square inch
eyes closed, face burning

i watch parts of me disappear
and your eyes, too
i smell pheromones
wherever i dig into
a need to get to the bottom
at any cost

we wrap around
our minds, each other
my hand, your neck
your legs, my hips

instincts i had long forgotten
taking over completely
desperate for the bones beneath
my teeth

we drove past a theater that used to exist
that you used to work at
it was 90 degrees and i asked questions like i drank my water
trying to quench a thirst that sneaked in
cutting through traffic to plots wrapped around projectors

i learned that even the grey memories
the offhand exposition
and dismissive reflection
are hooks i find myself hanging
every piece of clothing i own on

we drove across the asphalt i bled on
a broken car on a hot day
it was 92 degrees and you asked questions like i drank my water

you sneak in
and i don't feel thirsty

lore dumps and warm stares
on a lighthouse bench, cold stone
the fog getting lighter, but sticking close
like a cool jacket wrapped
shoulder to shoulder to shoulder to shoulder
interrupted only with being seen

I was as sure as Summer at the end
it’s when you just know
what you never did before

you can crawl into my skin
and ill play fog
like a cool jacket wrapped around
lore dumps and warm stares

in the quiet hours
my tenant refused to leave,
so I did

time enough for me to meet
strangers on a deck
find my body
everywhere it could stand
see every dead end

I escaped to a string light backyard
where I heard words I’ve never heard
murmured under songs I didn’t know

they liked my scent
and I liked their mind
in the quiet hours