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Aaron Mullin Dec 2023
I realized today
Why I've been
So ******* angry

It took me quite
Some time to get here
Cause I was attempting to
Think it through

The thinking through process
Was exhausting
Every time I thought I was there
I realized I had barely begun

My reward for attempting the journey
Was a growing anger
Alive and festering
And a feeling in my heart

Rather than focus on rationality
I began to sit with the feeling
While trying not to take it out
On myself or
Lashing out on those around me
(especially my loved ones)

Trying was trying and
Sometimes it worked
And sometimes did not

While I sat in between
Waiting and wondering if
Maybe the answers could be
Found elsewhere.
The more I felt into this
In those quiet, reflective spaces
The more I was able to
Reorganize my emotions
Which brought me to the conclusion
That my source of anger
Was a feeling.

It did not take me long
Sitting within this
When I began to shift
Into the realization that
This needed to be
Unpacked:

My emotions of anger
Were rooted in the feelings of hurt

I tried to point my finger at a more direct
Source of this pain and
Many people came up
But I could see they were coming from
A place of hurt too
And our hurts were perpetrated on each
Other in a cyclic fashion

Now I was on a roll,
Unpacking the hurt continued to flow
Now I understood that
My feeling and the hurt
Are the product of cycles
That do not serve me

I was starting to embody
This understanding:

These cycles are rooted in
Unhealthy dynamics
Installed and instilled
Within a hierarchy
Infused and embedded
Within the power structures
Of today but
Moreso the power structures of yesterday

This was my call to action

Flowing further
Led me to the knowing that
To assist with restructuring
These dynamics might be the greatest gift
I could give to those I love

Within this knowing, I decided
An army of one
Would not do

So I got to work on building an army of two
Shared at Heart Haven on October 28, 2023 with my EFT cohort.
Aaron Mullin Dec 2023
Here it is ...
My reconciliation statement begins with these questions:
Am I the locus of the problem?
Am I xenophobic?
A supremacist, perhaps?
Certainly neither of those but ...
Am I complicit?
What did I elicit?

Here I am all wrapped up in my trauma bonds
hoping someone will help me to see.
Maybe I am attracted to wounding.
What do I have to do? How am I gonna be?

My pain receptor's cry out:
Feed me!!!
And this is where my attachments are
inflicted
and this is when my attachments are
conflicted

But now I've found some nurturing
and something new is blooming
triggered: guard up
un-triggered: guard down

I am working through my oppressors and
reacquainting myself with allies

It was an invisible war
and it is no more because
my ceremony of innocence
is drowned.
This was written post Emotionally Focused Therapy training in Haines Junction, YT over the ****** Moon, November 2023.
Aaron Mullin Nov 2023
in this state ...
we follow the drum
dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum

it's a baseline from the numinous
rooted in the luminous
dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum

it's consciousness expanding
and selfishness unbounding
dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum

this thrombosis is cyclical
inspired spirals are psychical
dum-dum, dum-dum, dum-dum
Aaron Mullin May 2023
Writing a poem is about locating self.
Every facet within what you’re about to create
blooms from your consciousness, your subconsciousness
your ego, your mind, your heart

But where are those elements planted?
Where are they rooted?

They are rooted within:

your ethnocentric illusions
your lived reality
your privilege, your pleasure, your pain
your abilities, your disabilities
your socioeconomic status: have and/or havenot
your fluency, your empathy, your sense of humour
your vices and your storytelling devices

Now we've got some roots, what are we going to grow?
Let’s begin by observing, using our senses
Maybe, let’s use our eyes
Consider, the reality of how we see and sense the world
Is different for each and every one of us

Everything is tempered by the lens we use
Which is informed through the roots of our synapses
Which empirically flow from the subjective ground
On which we stand

And what does this have to do with poetry?
What you describe in your poem,
Is an interpretation of what you see (and feel)

Interesting poetry comes when
there is exploring to do
It is a poet’s imperative to
Explore the edges
Out past the boundaries of the visual and audible spectrum

If we were fish poet’s
Would we write poetry about water?

I like to toy with my teenagers on occasion
So I asked my son the other day, what his worldview was?
And I have been enjoying the vacuous silence ever since
To be fair, I have been asking myself the same question for many years
And this might have been the inciting incident leading me to storytelling

As we began this journey together, it was stated that
Writing a poem is about locating self.
Can you describe your context?

Let me attempt to describe mine:

Here I am on the stage in this ocean of air
At the Owl Acoustic Lounge
On a Wednesday night in May
Popping air with rhythm, nuance, and a certain je ne ce quoi

Although this poem is not objectively true
Let me attempt to share that
this poem blooms from my developing cosmology
From the overtures of my Overself;
from the undercurrents of the Monomyth,
From my ***** and through my groans of intercession
This poem blooms from oblivion
Threading through philosophy, to worldview, and into a budding cosmology

For myself:
Worldview fell away when I found cosmology while reconnecting with the night sky
That night sky took me places while grounding me concurrently in inner spaces
Where locating self flows into meta-cognitive health,
Well ... that is something to write about
Preparing for Shakaat Artist-in-Residency. Performed at the Owl Acoustic Lounge on May 24, 2023.
Aaron Mullin May 2023
It was a sweetgrass serenade
singing up serotonin
through the cavalcades
and ramparts
that I had been using to
barricade my heart

It was a sweetgrass serenade
and when I let those sweet words slip
off my tongue
just like syncopated honey
into the three-stranded braid
of me and you and Creation
taking us into those outer places
where we can occupy other spaces

It was a sweetgrass serenade
and on our journey to the moon
is where I wonder who
is following us cause
on our way back
I could feel the exodus
of my past,
you know
the part that
no longer serves.

And in its place...

It was a sweetgrass serenade
singing up serotonin
filling up that empty pocket
with a force of positivity.

Looks like We found a lifeway
time to let it shine and
step into deep play
Written in August 2019. Performed at open mic night at the Owl with the Lethbridge Poetry crew on August 29, 2019.
Aaron Mullin May 2023
Din
Been seeking that good kinda din
where I can sit and think again
while sipping my dragonfly gin
and letting that distilled infusion
be my medicine
and something not necessarily harmful
to the spirit within

I am seeking that good kinda din
where I can sit and think
a remembering why kinda place
so I rode my old bike down
down to my favourite river fork
to offer up gifts
to the Old Man and St Mary
I was groovin' with
that sweet and heady inshallah vibe

Just groovin' with those
sweet and hearty Inshala vibes
making me feel the opposite of heavy
when a higher self popped up
to remind, treasures buried become
weathered and harried
so I sat down, slipped my shoes and socks off
breathed in deep and got ready

And now I am finding that good kinda din
where the consciousness be growing again
the kind, you know, where its kinda
like a begin again
Written in August 2019. Performed at open mic night at the Owl with the Lethbridge Poetry crew on August 29, 2019.
Aaron Mullin Apr 2023
What is a mother willing to do?

bleed rhythmically in preparation for you
search relentlessly in preparation for you
fail unflinchingly in preparation for you

eventually, when the time is right
accept the seed in preparation for you
build a nest in preparation for you

This is a universe in motion

Now her body changes as she grows you, and
from her heart she nourishes you
gaia (mythology): http://bit.ly/1ux60jI
Written October 2014

what is a father willing to do?

This poem pairs nicely with https://hellopoetry.com/poem/887692/father-sky/
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