you're tired
carrying the weight of the world
running, running away
what are you chasing?

carrying the weight of the world
against your frail fragile frame
what are you chasing?
peace, quiet, the paradise you'll never find

against your frail fragile frame
still nowhere to hide
peace, quiet, the paradise you'll never find
you're lost

still nowhere to hide
running, running away
you're lost
you're tired

The best way to
End my pain
Is to cry too much
And drown in my tears.
I can't swim,
So that'll be the last struggle
That I'll ever have.

please
teach me to
breathe
again

You always
make sure that
I'm the
Last to reach
But the
First to leave.

Oh no
I lost my password
I'm locked out
Forever

I wish I might,
I wish I could,
I wish I knew how you do feel.

Sometimes I just don't understand,
I'm searching for answers like they're in the sand.
Why do you push yourself so hard,
When deep down in there,
You're just feeling blue?

Behind that beautiful smile of yours,
I see a broken heart.
A sad, solemn thought,
That you have somehow changed.

It's never your fault,
It's never your choice.
I don't know,
I really don't,
Know what you think anymore.

I'm sorry I burdened you,
I'm sorry I didn't know.
I threw you all my problems,
When you alone were down.

But still you came,
And still you forced that little smile of yours.
You told me to be joyful,
That I must be grateful,
For the things that come in life.

So same goes to you,
My dearest friend.
Be glad yourself for your own life.

This present from heaven
Comes and holds
So many wonderful things
And wacky ideas
That surprise you when you least expect.

I know that you can never be
The friend that I once knew.
I know that nothing stays
But change
And change just never stops.

Now I hope
That you can cope
And here I am for you.
I'll tide with you in the choppy seas,
We'll chase the storms away.

I know that you can never be
The friend that I once knew.
But now I'm learning to accept,
The friend I wish would come back again.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
Because I'm too much of an awkward turtle,
I'm a coward when facing life's hurdles.
My words seem like they can't be trusted,
And secrets can't be trusted on me.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I don't know what to say sometimes.
I try to strike a conversation
That I so regret at times.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I feel like I come from a different planet,
A different dimension,
Or a different era.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I'm not resourceful,
I can't be of help.
I'm just a meek little lamb.

I find I'm not a good-enough friend.
I'm scared of things,
Not brave,
Not courageous,
I'm way too out of place.

Oh someone please teach me how
I can be more than
A good-enough friend.

Dearest Isaac,

How are you?
It's been seven years since I last saw you.
Even now I still feel blue,
Thinking 'bout all that you've been through.

I wonder if
You are now an angel,
An eternal break
From the world that is cruel.

I wonder if
I'm hallucinating,
'Cause I sometimes see
Your face in the stars.

Oh, they don't know
The reason I cry,
I still can't forget,
No matter how hard I try.

Oh, they won't know
The pain I feel,
From losing a brother,
It's way too real.

The moment you left us,
My world started spinning.
It was the very first time
I saw everyone crying.

Throwback to the day when you first fell silent
And couldn't walk a step anymore.
Your face turned so unusually pale,
Though your body was burning,
You could no longer wail.

Replaced with all those days in bed,
Your school days came to an abrupt end,
I could only tell from your empty eyes,
You wished to return and be with your friends.

From the innocent little child I was,
Till now I still don't know the reason,
Why you could no longer
Move or speak
Or play our favorite games together.

I don't ask why,
I know the answers:
Buckets of tears
And sad-looking faces.

Maybe a war had broken out in your body,
Making you all weak and bony.
Oh, the pain that gave you torture,
It turned your world dark,
It's such a terror.

Since the year that you were gone,
My first birthday wish is to see you again.
I know that ashes can't come to life,
But I really want you back.

I struggle so hard to keep our family lively,
For I don't wish to repeat of our grief.
Nobody knows at all,
How hard it is to stay strong.
I sometimes break down,
My tears buried in my pillow.

People wonder why I'm too obsessed with perfection.
But how can I not be,
When this is my duty?

I cannot let them lose another hope,
Though my spark is dimmer than yours.
I cannot let them go through the same pain,
I cannot bear to see it happen.

Here I finally reveal,
The reason why I have to live on,
No matter how dark things might seem.

What word is there,
For a parent who lost their child,
Or a sister who lost her brother?
I really can't find any grief worse than this.

Whenever I feel like giving up,
On things that make life so knotty,
I am reminded of my brother
Who wanted to live so badly,
To live another day.
But then at age nine,
The Lord took him home.

Now that I can live,
Why should I not?
I should treasure each day,
Till the moment I get taken away.

Up there in heaven,
I'm sure you are happy,
Wearing the robe of true purity.

Rest assured,
We're doing fine.
Though you're not here with us,
You live within our hearts.

You've fought a good fight,
You've finished the race.
I look forward to the day
I can meet you again.

With lots of love,
Your sister

An hour
In that little square
Can't move
Can't talk
Can't look around
Just flip through sheets of paper
Combing through each word
The power they hold
The future they shape
They sorta scare me out

Sometimes my heart
Feels too stuffed up
I wished to rip it out
From my thumping chest
And then my brain
Is fully loaded
With things that burn me
But might save grades

Today
Heaven has gained another angel
I may not know her
But I'm very sure
She is special,
Amazing
She is beautiful

She is my second reminder
That life is dear
Live
Laugh
And love
Before there's no more
Tomorrow

What are you doing
Why is my world feeling crushed
Unable to breathe

Leave me alone
In the pain
That burns
Over and over
Again

The first time I stepped into school,
Admiring that beautiful wall of fame.
Carved in gold were so many names,
Dated back from decades ago.

Each year has a different name,
Each name part of history.
Shining bright under the light,
Too prestigious and too rare.

I told myself what if I could
See my name etched on the wall,
Nothing else can sweep it away,
Nothing else can wash it away.

But this dream of mine is dashed,
Thrown into the deepest sea,
Crushed almost for eternity,
Something I can never be.

I can't measure how much I've done,
Working so hard to get a step closer.
Each time I think I'm almost there,
I'm actually disillusioned,
I'm going nowhere.

From here I have two paths to go,
One to chase and persist on my goal,
Or I could simply accept my fate,
Give it a try,
Open my mind.
Perhaps that's where I'm meant to be.

My minds says one thing,
But my heart says another,
I hate these moments,
They're my greatest bother.

Is my life a book written my God?
Do all things happen for a reason,
Because that's how my fate was destined?
I wish I could know all the answers,
But I guess some things are secrets for our lifetime.

I wonder if I should go chase my dreams,
Be brave,
Be bold,
Be ridiculed at.

What if I grow to love my fate,
Loving,
Sharing,
Caring for others.

Is this the place that's meant for me?
I don't know the answer,
And I'll never know.

But how about the names in gold
And everything that seemed perfect to me?
To go forth and chase my dreams,
Or to just accept
My fate?

There's the eight of us,
So very different
But yet so much the same.

Each of us holds our special traits.
Our special talents
Converged as an octet.

Some artistic
Some scientific
Some linguistic and
All fantastic.

We love to laugh,
We love to tease,
We love to make a fool of ourselves.

We know there's one who's always there,
Spraying water everywhere,
But never lets people touch her hair.

And then there's one,
Who's buff and tough,
Her voice can change like a chameleon's skin.

Next we have this pretty babe,
Her furry stuff are fun to touch,
She's the gentlest, loveliest llama I know.

Not to forget,
The one's that's brainy,
Such a smarty that she can't type properly.

There's also one that I believe
She's really a mermaid in disguise,
Her actions way too ridiculous.

Of course we have this crazy kid,
Too many fandoms and too little sleep.
I still wonder why she needs her hood all the time.

And here there's another girl,
With real beautiful eyes,
A perfect actress for sketch comedies.

Last but not least,
There's just me,
I can't find a word for my personality.

I don't know how far we'll go,
If we'll still stay as close as we are right now.
As time cruelly marches on,
The day we'll part ways draws so near.

This part of me knows
That this magical bond
That we call friendship,
Will live on forever and ever.

Never did I feel so sure,
So confident about friendship.
But you guys are so special,
I really hope you know.

No matter what happens,
I see myself with you all forever,
And you all with me.

I believe in this friendship.
This magical bond,
That holds the eight of us,
Closely together,
Forever.

The day finally draws
Too close
It's tomorrow
People putting on their best armor
Ready for the battle
While I,
Face it
Without weapons
To protect
Fervently praying
Hoping those bullets
Won't pierce through me

It's the guilt
It's the regret
It's everything
You're not rejoicing

Didn't study
Did badly
Now it's too late
To change a thing

I'm slipping out of people's minds,
I'm just a girl that's left behind.

Right now I'm just a wasted space,
I guess I should have been replaced.

Am I a fool?
To actually think
Of promise as a powerful tool?

My best friend
From my previous school
Has long forgotten
The promises we made,
My birthday, my existence,
And our memories that start to fade.

Is it worse,
To see her wish
Someone else instead of me?
A "Happy Birthday!" on others' walls,
Mock at me and how I fall.

My mind is still stuck in the past,
One thing that will never last.

Awakened by a rooster at morn,
I realize that people just
Move on.

If you're late,
No one will wait.
At this rate,
It depends on fate.

People come,
And people go,
When they're done,
They'll just be gone.

The cycle repeats,
And one fine day,
I guess I'll just be
Simply
Forgotten.

The night sky
Would have been complete
If only I caught a glimpse
Of you

Where is that soft glow
Reflecting off the balcony floor
Why do you hide
Behind the blankets of clouds
That mute your pretty nocturnal light

You seem so far away today
The only day
I've actually stopped to admire your beauty
But now
You're nowhere to be seen

Finally I am tall enough
To put those orchids
Beside your marblestone

The one with your face
Forever trapped
At the pausing of time

Child-like innocence
The sparkle in your eyes
Nothing's changed

But the world outside?
They've aged; I've grown
We're not the same

Soon you will be seventeen
We've come a long way
But your wonders, they'll stay

Everyone needs a hiding place
To pour their thoughts,
To not get judged,
And this place must be kept safe.

Well, I've found a hiding place,
To pour my thoughts,
And not get judged,
But how do I just keep it safe?

Here on Earth,
It's safe nowhere
I feel danger
Everywhere.

While I hide
In my hiding place,
I'll seek for refuge
I'll seek for strength.

But first,
I'll look into my heart.
There'll be another hiding place,
That won't ever be taken from me.

Annoyed with myself
For trusting too easily
A hard lesson learnt.

I don't give a ****
About what you think of me.
You can hate me
You can love me
But I'll still be me
And I'll forever be.

Me?
Why me?
Look at me.

I write with
The plainest language
The shallowest meanings

I lack that
Special ingredient
To spice it all up

Aptitude?
Disposition?
I think I'm far from that.

one moment there they were
sparkling, shining
they tempted

uphill they lay
arduous, breathless
she climbed

the next moment: gone
clueless, traceless
they vanished

she stopped short
perplexed, vexed
she blinked

she let go
she fell
she crashed

back into reality
for everything she saw
was simply, *illusory

Have you ever felt so low?
You know,
I feel my sadness grow.

Have you ever heard my cries?
I'm all alone,
My tears have dried.

I'm breaking down,
I'm sinking now,
Deeper
And
Deeper
I go.

I feel like I am out of sight,
Out of the light,
That once shone bright.

My heart just aches
So bad
It's sad.

When nobody seems to listen to you,
When nobody seems to smile at you,
When nobody seems to whisper and say,
How much you mean to them.

I retreat.

I repeat,
I retreat from this mess.
I'm still figuring out
How to feel much more less.

Maybe somewhere,
Some place faraway,
Somebody's waiting to hear what I say.
How great it would be if there were such a day!

But here I live,
A world so realistic,
So materialistic.
Will anyone stop
To care and share?

Everyone has their lives to lead,
My problems are their burdens,
Like unwanted ****.

Perhaps I should keep silent.
I shouldn't say a thing.
I'll let my emotions bottle up,
And then let them explode.

I wonder if I'll just be a spark,
That briefly lights up,
The sky that's dark.

At least by then,
I'm not a burden.
And nobody would notice,
That I'm gone.

Huge questions cloud my mind,
They're all about this thing called "life".
When I'm all alone,
I sit and think,
And think and think.
What does it mean?

People say there are second chances,
But how come I just don't seem to see them myself?
It seems like I'm the one who gives
You chances and chances
And chances again.

But how come when I take a wrong turn,
I can never go back the right way again?
I steer so hard with all my might,
But I can never see the light.

All I know is that I am
Approaching the edge of a dangerous cliff.
I know I am about to
Fall.

I still believe in miracles,
I put in all my efforts,
I do all I can,
I visualise,
I actualise,
And then I pray.
But I never get what I want to get.

Maybe I just need to be patient,
With myself and with the rest of the world.
Maybe I need to triple my efforts.
So when I fall again,
I'll still be quite safe.

Oh why, oh why, oh why?
I'm working so hard to rise again.
But maybe one day,
I would.

Now this question comes back to my head,
Is it too late to start again?
If it really isn't,
Then I will fight on.
To rise again from my serious fall.

I'll start from zero,
All again.

I told myself
I must do better
But I can never do better
No not anymore

I'm sorry
If it seems like I don't care anymore.
I've stopped asking,
"How do you do?"
I've stopped telling you,
"You can be happy, why feel blue?"
Because I've learnt my lesson
It's best to be silenced.

I'll just stay here
Silently
Reading books
About the mind and the soul.

Though I've stopped
I want you to know
Deep
In there
I care a lot
I still do.
So much about
You
And you
And all of you.

I love it when
A bright spark
Or a little idea
Pops into my weeny brain.

And for that
Brief
Short
Moment

I feel enlightened,
I feel inspired,
To piece that into
A pretty poem.

Alas,
The thoughts
The brilliant ideas
They go away,
Away from me.

I desperately reach out.
I'm so close,
But yet so far,
Unable to stop them,
I'm helpless again.

These bits and pieces,
These stories in my head,
They slip
Away.

They go
Out of my reach
Out of my mind
Out into the blank cold world unkind.

The glided clock strikes,
One minute more to midnight.
One minute more to Monday again.
One minute more to the craziest week.

I hate Monday Blues.

I sit in a classroom
Full of incessant chatter
Full of people
Staring into space
Surfing the web
Every buzz
Every whisper
Gets me on my nerves
Because
No one's listening
To the patient man
Who's trying so hard
To get his point across

Separated by the causeway
Two people stare
Emptily
As the second hand glides
Each tick-tock
On the clock
Reverberates through the chilling silence
Of their minds

9.14pm

Their mind goes back
To year Twenty-Oh-Five
When they almost slipped
Into slumber-land
But then the child's soul slipped
Away from his body
Turning lifeless
Without a goodbye

This day is not a simple day
To pass
It marks their strength
To fight
It marks their bravery
To face the odds
It marks a day
When he'll live in our hearts
*Forever

Pastels are pretty
Pastels are sweet
They leave their mark
But they wear out

Pastels are amazing
Each shade unique
Their colors blend
A work of fine art

Pastels are amusing
A childhood toy that'll soon be
Chucked away in a corner
Forgotten by it's owner

Pastels are fragile
Pastels get dull
They get stained
After a while

Pastels will break
Pastels are weak
They get crushed
And they'll never get fixed

People are like pastels
Inside we're dying
Outside we're forgotten
I guess both are probably broken

All must be perfect
The scars of imperfection
They haunt me again

I've tuned in to the wrong channel.

My brain tells me all sorts of things:
You're an alien to the world
You don't belong here
You don't belong anywhere
You don't think the same as others
You're too stubborn
You're too straightforward
You're not like the rest
You're drunk
You should go home.

Well yes,
I totally should.

Please
Stop
Repeating
How much a disappointment I am sometimes.
When I don't get good enough marks,
When I don't get into the board you want me to,
When I fumble in piano recitals.

Because I am,
Equally sad,
Broken,
Confused,
If not more than how anyone feels.

But I know,
It's for my good,
You hope to achieve what you couldn't yourself.

I just wish I could tell you somehow,
I'm working hard,
Very very hard,
To be the best daughter I can.

But please be patient,
I'm getting there.

I have the right to think what I want,
I'm entitled to opinions, just as you are,
You can't just stop me from my thoughts.

I have the right to do what I want,
It's my own choice,
So what's your problem?

I have the right to be who I am,
I don't live to please you,
So please deal with it.

I'm just like you,
A normal girl,
Or maybe not,
Who wants to live my life without regrets.

But sadly I can't,
They're always staring,
Always judging,
Not understanding.

Now, when will you ever
Stop
Judging
Picking
Attacking
On everything of me?

I feel the hot tears
About to explode
And stream down like a river
And I don't get why.

I've got to tell my senses to
Stop
They ***** my emotions,
They ***** everything up.

Please
Stop that
******* up
Mind.

Seven* days
Just seven days
I know
We're all morphing
We're all changing
In so many ways

Hope I won't forget you
The old you
It's the solitude
In these seven days
Where I'll find you
Most valued.

where the light shines through
the dark lurks at your feet
with every step you take
it creeps a little closer
mimicking your every move
an empty reflection
of despair
and silence
it'll never go away
unless it engulfs your world
and extinguishes your light

Seriously I don't get why
I** feel up and down sometimes.
Guess I should just stop to think
How lousy I am in everything.
Shall just sit here right now and sigh.

i. the black hole

stars
they too fell
beautifully warped
frighteningly dark

nothing matters
time ceases

it's empty
there's only gravity
(and you)

you're trapped.

ii.the event horizon

point of no return

destruction-mode: activated

every inch
every ounce
torn apart

b                                            y            ­                                  i
                      t      ­                                         b
         i                         b                                                                ­            t

you're gone.

iii. the singularity*

beyond
another galaxy awaits
now
go forth

weightless
fearless*

you're infinite.

It's finally over,
But why am I not rejoicing?
My heart feels like there's
Ketchup and cheese and everything
Messed up in one.

Because no matter how much I study,
My mind will be in a flurry
My vision too blurry
And then my brain just
Stops working.

I don't know why
That this year has been pretty much a struggle.
While many others just sail pass it,
Acing
Every
Single
Test.

Oh, I remembered I was once like them.
But that was the past.
And the gap between then and now,
Grows like a hungry little caterpillar,
Further          and            further            a­part.

Their high hopes had been doubled,
They pile high on my shoulders,
Weighing down on me.
But I don't blame them.
I would do the same if I were in their shoes,
After the ordeal that they've been through.

But time after time,
I've let them down.
But I really did study.
I really really did.

Now my hand itches
To touch my textbook,
I'm feeling so empty from within.
I guess I forgot to read a chapter.

But what's the use of studying now?
When it's all over,
And I can't change
A thing.

I hate these moments
I should be feeling happy
Instead I feel bad