at seventeen, you realise:

what makes you tick
what makes you sick

you realise

your life
is yours to control
your destiny
is yours to shape

you realise

every mistake you've ever made
is back to haunt you
that every step you take
might potentially destroy you

you realise

you've made too many wrong turns
and there's no turning back

i. the black hole

stars
they too fell
beautifully warped
frighteningly dark

nothing matters
time ceases

it's empty
there's only gravity
(and you)

you're trapped.

ii.the event horizon

point of no return

destruction-mode: activated

every inch
every ounce
torn apart

b                                            y            ­                                  i
                      t      ­                                         b
         i                         b                                                                ­            t

you're gone.

iii. the singularity*

beyond
another galaxy awaits
now
go forth

weightless
fearless*

you're infinite.

one moment there they were
sparkling, shining
they tempted

uphill they lay
arduous, breathless
she climbed

the next moment: gone
clueless, traceless
they vanished

she stopped short
perplexed, vexed
she blinked

she let go
she fell
she crashed

back into reality
for everything she saw
was simply, *illusory

you're tired
carrying the weight of the world
running, running away
what are you chasing?

carrying the weight of the world
against your frail fragile frame
what are you chasing?
peace, quiet, the paradise you'll never find

against your frail fragile frame
still nowhere to hide
peace, quiet, the paradise you'll never find
you're lost

still nowhere to hide
running, running away
you're lost
you're tired

please
teach me to
breathe
again

where the light shines through
the dark lurks at your feet
with every step you take
it creeps a little closer
mimicking your every move
an empty reflection
of despair
and silence
it'll never go away
unless it engulfs your world
and extinguishes your light

How do you even choose
When both choices bear the same weight
And there's no time left

Separated by the causeway
Two people stare
Emptily
As the second hand glides
Each tick-tock
On the clock
Reverberates through the chilling silence
Of their minds

9.14pm

Their mind goes back
To year Twenty-Oh-Five
When they almost slipped
Into slumber-land
But then the child's soul slipped
Away from his body
Turning lifeless
Without a goodbye

This day is not a simple day
To pass
It marks their strength
To fight
It marks their bravery
To face the odds
It marks a day
When he'll live in our hearts
*Forever

It's the guilt
It's the regret
It's everything
You're not rejoicing

Didn't study
Did badly
Now it's too late
To change a thing

My faith is drawing thin
Like a thread in the wind

Just flimsy sheets of paper
But yet they weigh so much

I lost half the battle
How do I
Carry on

The sun sinks
Beneath the trees
Waving its last goodbye
It's been a loooong day

The mellow orange hues
Blending with the pale pink shades
A picturesque scene
To end my day

I gaze out
Watching its beauty fade
Wishing my pain
Will diminish too

COFFEE
MILK
ICE CREAM
STRESS
ouch
ouch
ouch

You don't always have
A second chance
To head back
To where you've started
But thank you, budd,
For walking with me
At least you made me
Not alone

An hour
In that little square
Can't move
Can't talk
Can't look around
Just flip through sheets of paper
Combing through each word
The power they hold
The future they shape
They sorta scare me out

Sometimes my heart
Feels too stuffed up
I wished to rip it out
From my thumping chest
And then my brain
Is fully loaded
With things that burn me
But might save grades

First battle
Down
But so much more
To go
Before
I'm free

The day finally draws
Too close
It's tomorrow
People putting on their best armor
Ready for the battle
While I,
Face it
Without weapons
To protect
Fervently praying
Hoping those bullets
Won't pierce through me

Oh no
I lost my password
I'm locked out
Forever

Me?
Why me?
Look at me.

I write with
The plainest language
The shallowest meanings

I lack that
Special ingredient
To spice it all up

Aptitude?
Disposition?
I think I'm far from that.

The night sky
Would have been complete
If only I caught a glimpse
Of you

Where is that soft glow
Reflecting off the balcony floor
Why do you hide
Behind the blankets of clouds
That mute your pretty nocturnal light

You seem so far away today
The only day
I've actually stopped to admire your beauty
But now
You're nowhere to be seen

Finally I am tall enough
To put those orchids
Beside your marblestone

The one with your face
Forever trapped
At the pausing of time

Child-like innocence
The sparkle in your eyes
Nothing's changed

But the world outside?
They've aged; I've grown
We're not the same

Soon you will be seventeen
We've come a long way
But your wonders, they'll stay

Seven* days
Just seven days
I know
We're all morphing
We're all changing
In so many ways

Hope I won't forget you
The old you
It's the solitude
In these seven days
Where I'll find you
Most valued.

In a bus full of strangers
Here I am
I'm fighting back
All my tears of anger

Today
Heaven has gained another angel
I may not know her
But I'm very sure
She is special,
Amazing
She is beautiful

She is my second reminder
That life is dear
Live
Laugh
And love
Before there's no more
Tomorrow

Leave me alone
In the pain
That burns
Over and over
Again

Today
I tried
To write a villanelle
And
*I died

All must be perfect
The scars of imperfection
They haunt me again

Pastels are pretty
Pastels are sweet
They leave their mark
But they wear out

Pastels are amazing
Each shade unique
Their colors blend
A work of fine art

Pastels are amusing
A childhood toy that'll soon be
Chucked away in a corner
Forgotten by it's owner

Pastels are fragile
Pastels get dull
They get stained
After a while

Pastels will break
Pastels are weak
They get crushed
And they'll never get fixed

People are like pastels
Inside we're dying
Outside we're forgotten
I guess both are probably broken

I sit in a classroom
Full of incessant chatter
Full of people
Staring into space
Surfing the web
Every buzz
Every whisper
Gets me on my nerves
Because
No one's listening
To the patient man
Who's trying so hard
To get his point across

Everyone's writing
Their ballad or villanelle
But my mind's empty

I tell people
There're so many reasons to smile
But sadly
I can't find one right now

You always
make sure that
I'm the
Last to reach
But the
First to leave.

A glass half empty,
Or a glass half full?
I see neither,
It's hardly filled.

Thank you Lord
For this day

Thank you
For the birds that sing
Thank you
For the food we eat

Thank you
For my family
Thank you
For my friends

Thank you
For watching
My coming out
And my going in

Thank you
For always being there
When I've failed to be obedient
When I've not done your will

Thank you
For sending your son
To die
So we might live

Thank you
For being merciful
For being wonderful
For being watchful

Thank you
For giving me
A heartbeat
A life

I ought to give thanks
To the Lord
Thank you Lord
For everything

I love it when
A bright spark
Or a little idea
Pops into my weeny brain.

And for that
Brief
Short
Moment

I feel enlightened,
I feel inspired,
To piece that into
A pretty poem.

Alas,
The thoughts
The brilliant ideas
They go away,
Away from me.

I desperately reach out.
I'm so close,
But yet so far,
Unable to stop them,
I'm helpless again.

These bits and pieces,
These stories in my head,
They slip
Away.

They go
Out of my reach
Out of my mind
Out into the blank cold world unkind.

I told myself
I must do better
But I can never do better
No not anymore

****
FREAKING
*******

What are you doing
Why is my world feeling crushed
Unable to breathe

Nothing is better
Than a night of good music
To forget all pains

I hate these moments
I should be feeling happy
Instead I feel bad

Annoyed with myself
For trusting too easily
A hard lesson learnt.

Sometimes
You have to be someone else
To write out
What you really feel.

I'm sorry
If it seems like I don't care anymore.
I've stopped asking,
"How do you do?"
I've stopped telling you,
"You can be happy, why feel blue?"
Because I've learnt my lesson
It's best to be silenced.

I'll just stay here
Silently
Reading books
About the mind and the soul.

Though I've stopped
I want you to know
Deep
In there
I care a lot
I still do.
So much about
You
And you
And all of you.

Tomorrow is a promise land
I hope it'll be much better than today.
Today,
I shall do nothing at all.
Tomorrow,
I shall be productive.
But that's a lie.
A big fat one.
Because
After tomorrow
Comes another tomorrow.
But how many "tomorrows" am I left with?
Until the sand timer pours the last bits of sand
Drip
And then they'll be no more tomorrows,
And wait,
I still did nothing today.

I've tuned in to the wrong channel.

My brain tells me all sorts of things:
You're an alien to the world
You don't belong here
You don't belong anywhere
You don't think the same as others
You're too stubborn
You're too straightforward
You're not like the rest
You're drunk
You should go home.

Well yes,
I totally should.