What do you feel when you jot down that stark syntax
Do you feel full in your stomach of pretentious factions
Building your philosophy with Lincoln logs and political tactics
What a young poet feels when he's unsure of what his feelings mean and what to write in between those brackets
Laying to rest past selves in a row of six feet deep holes lined with caskets

Sometimes the words we write have more meaning than we put to them
Funny how a letter or a word can make a difference in self
Life can be like reading a book and putting it back on the shelf
Or the shelf gnome right next to it that stares back but doesn't
You give false meaning when you don't know how to feel
That's why the best poems are rewritten and not written
That why I'm on top of this world,

and im flying, not sitting

I'm guilty of admiring my works and not others, that's what's silly about my self compassion dance
When the only thing I've got left is the narcissistic klaxon that my self-righteous ambulance horn trances

If it's killing me, Bukowski would be proud, because he loved his liquor, but he loved killing himself more
He'd say, "**** your religion! Pour this! This will bring you closer to God!"
It's hard for an atheist to swallow, and to dabble in the tasting of sin,
But Jesus was famous for turning water into wine, with no grapes mashed or thinned

The shield of amaretto is strong and smooth
You can put your cruise control on if you feel amused and soothed
But in darker times it will make your feeling woozy and moved
But **** does it make you feel more like yourself
The you'est you can be, with impeccable speech craft and gentlemanly muse
Helps you pay the dues that you have abused in your passive seasonal attitudes

So what say ye Devine for thou'est darkest temptations, when you've created your own demons, hells, and abrasions
Seems like you're the one holding the power ***** of creation
Ye 'ol Devine *******

Time to concoct something the doctors can't counter
Callous my temper with imitation, an elation that makes an earthquake feel a bit sounder
If I told you I was a chameleon you would think I'm a laughing sensation
Like a small town crowd of people with personalities no deeper than flounder
But if you hit me I temper like brass in a manner of class saturation, trying to become a metal that cannot be bent or shaken by voices that are louder

Your mirror's can't see me, only you
I copy and pasted your binary in my caffeine induced computer architect blues
If I told you the color of envy was green, would you see right through my chameleon mirage tailored J. Crew

My scales aren't slimy, although you'd figure so by the way I march around in the conviction of my intelligent muse
I'm so perfect in being perfect, it's almost a clue

But paint me another color of your choosing, to mask the mask I'm wearing over my bruising
You wouldn't know what I scream behind all that I'm hiding because it's sealed under all of the mumbles of my crying

I'm calling your faintest noticeable attraction to grow to know my horrendous transaction interactions
When you sit in your desk chair with your tobacco relaxion, judging every crescendo of my orchestra tastes and core reactions

What say you demon for your jailing taxes, and your horns and your perfect brand named wood stained glasses?
Your cuff is off, your deliverance remarkable, you're becoming a ******* classic just by the stale look that your grin passes
Im not ready for aerobics, I'm not elastic, most will tell you if you try bending me into fantastic, I'm not very static
That's why imitation is suicide when you're not dynamic, looking down the barrel of a factory stack of envy plastics

I wish running away was an option
But I don't even have a car
All of my studies and every job just makes me feel more here when I want to be there
Wish I could fly away when I haven't even earned my wings yet, everything just feels sub par

Boss told me the other day that she's been around since the 90's
She told me to get out of here
I told her I don't have enough time

In between all the chaos
I try to use every minute to the fullest, but the hands on the clock don't want to high five
They just look back at me like I'm not even alive
Maybe sticking around here is at my intuitions cost, maybe more than the cost of my tuition
I'm just ivory in a sack of skin, play me like a piano you just bought
Cause otherwise I'm just gonna sit in this corner of town to rot

Felt like I've known for a while that the cracks in these streets have grown to wide
Tired of looking through a microscope
Stars and galaxies forming before we see them
Don't need to know the future to know they'll still be molecules and isotopes
There's some divine finger pointing the way I should go, what's looking me in the face, toe to toe just telling me to go, to go
Call me Lucifer because if I keep bowing down this'll be my fall
I've got free will but the world looks so **** tall

You're a walking flesh antenna
And your input is a switch
Not open to interpretation
On or off, what you feel is what you define
Reacting before you analyze
Because when you think
You don't know if you're sad or if you feel fine

Were those false signals that left you dining alone tonight?
Or was every bite just another piece of observational delight
Numb in your insight
What your gut has to say is never right

Being is the best path for your mind
Essence in battle with existence
What new part of you you may find
Nooa min anooa, you're one of many kinds
Walking flesh antenna
Is there an output signal lost somewhere inside that magnetic field?

Sometimes you forget how to live cause you've been dead for so long
You put your personality in a shed, you couldn't get out of bed
Everything you said, was lead, it dropped to the ground
It wasn't heard by the herd, like you never were around
Makes you want to pound the ground, make your presence known
Cause you're invisible till you pretend like you're wearing a crown
In this town, you gotta be someone you're not, just to get around
That's the kind of vibrations you need to feel, the kind that make the world feel sound

But am I just being loud, or am I actually down?
I can never tell, that's why I'm vigorous
Carry the thought over a couple-a-cigarettes
Or more, try to hit the subject in the core
Get caught up in the question of love, find myself in lust instead
Calloused by the alcohol that's why I feel so dead
Can't ever deliver if I'm thinking about my deliverance
From evil, send me a message so I don't have to deal with these questions
Sick of treading water, wish I could just make some sense

Call me a pope, because life's full of inquisitions
But I feel more like I'm just trying to cope
Or maybe my life is just a test disguised like a lesson
How will I ever know if I'm just stuck on replay, never to find out my acquisition?

"Well it's not me, it's just my decisions"
If you're gonna keep the blueprints then why aren't you building your way out of this prison
Looking up at that glass ceiling is hard to do when it's transparent
When the only thing you've got inside of you, is the only thing that's chilling

Hotter than a two dollar pistol
On the wake of an eve
The sun burns orange on your eyes
With a thousand tons of divinity
You try to define
But you're only faithful when you can't concieve
When the moon comes 'round
So will all your lies and ***** deeds

Whiskey on the rocks
Colder than your own heart
Casting shadows on your regret
That's the only way you get past
After the sun sets

You kept asking me if this was a test
But you're the only gambler in the family
So what's your best bet
You turn into a different person
At the turn of the moons crest

But who could ever blame you
You are who you are when you're at your best
Trying to take the bad with the good
Till you drink yourself to death
And I am the one to carry your burdened cold body to It's final God ****** rest

Sweet recluse
Hiding beneath your sheets
Pale body, shaky heart
Nobody will hear your bird noises in that room
Nobody will sing back
So lonely, I heard you talking to your insomnia
Will we have to cancel Christmas again
You won't see New Years if you're still looking over your shoulder
Please come out your cocoon, cause it's getting colder
Without you

My eyes are prisms
Refracting your light
So magnificent
My brains a factory
I can turn you into
Something colorful
Something proficient
Melancholy and omniscient
Speak to the God inside of me
You're my serpentine lover
Show me your lips
Let me manipulate
Gather your things
I'm off to dreamland
I will remember you
I will turn you into concentrate
Focus your light
Into something brighter
Than a soul
A neuron star inside of me
That way I don't have to die alone
We'll shoot off into the cosmos
You and I, just a couple of super novi
Just you see

Wish I could bend space to match the structure of your face
Untether myself from the ripples that have us destined to be separated
I don't want to be Doppler effected by you, longing for the highs you made me feel
I can put down my bowl and my alcohol
When you're around I don't need anything to make me feel like I'm falling towards heaven
Sometimes I feel like I cant stand it, till I remember you're on this planet

Who'd you lose your breath to this time
Are your feet in the air
Or is the time you spend just spare
Are the notes erratic or have you organized your fall
When you're just wasting time till you fall down
You're a tremor queen without a crown
You're the crust to my core on a planet where no shore meets another shore
I see you over there, but I ask myself "What for?"

You're like algebra
Made up of x's and y's
I've always been bad at math
But even a mathematician couldn't define

Mixed signals is your zodiac sign
Every time I talk to you I get some laughs
But I also get an "I'm fine"
I never said you couldn't whine
That's why I'm here, I'm your religion, make me your shrine

I would cast a shadow if I weren't divine
But the bartenders have only got water tonight
And your bed sounds soft, but your heart sounds softer
And your heads a heavy burden to carry on a back full of knives
But I'm willing to do that for you
I will take you home tonight
But only with the hope of widening your sight

I saw you on the horizon, when I was laying on my back
I was looking at the big dipper, while you were speaking to the southern cross
I can't feel nor touch you, but you're in the wind
And you're whistling Indian hymns

I wish that I could see in your direction
But maybe you are the reason this side of the earth lacks perfection
Would it be foolish to capture your affection and hide it for a needed smile
Cause you dot my life like a melody, bouncing in and out of existence
I fear one day you will crescendo and fade
Like dark matter, you're always hiding under some kind of shade
But you're nothing short of an accolade

I can't find words for your affection
That's why you're the only untitled poem in my collection
And I'll riddle till the day I can grab the grass and touch the moon
Make the world look small, hopefully that day will come soon
Till then I'm just some lanky goon, paining my way to you

Why is that I feel at home in tragedy
Is time, dark, and silence the only formula for sleep
Is there something I'm missing, how much deeper do I have to dig
Another sleepless song trailing between my ears
Making me feel things I don't
Or what I myself hide beneath

It's 5 hours and 45 minutes till I'm on the other side of today
What it will hold may hold hapiness or dismay
Out of control of everthing, letting the birds play the songs they want to play
But when winter comes they will move south of hearsay
They won't sing on a day that I feel torn and gray

It's all in my head, it's all in my head
I know that I am okay
But when I'm alone, songs speak to me of dead friends and post days

Do you remember '95 when we were caught in that monsoon
On that cloudy street corner when the moon peaked through
And we could see each others souls
We were like pale ghouls in our youth
And I loved the way you moved

You smirked and said you'd never forget
You said you'd remember this night forever
Like the way the cracks on the sidewalk looked Like a heart next to the bench we sat on
Like the name of the street, and every how every second fleeted faster with every palpatation of your heart
When we thought we could create things because we were quoting Jean Paul Sartre

We laughed at the irony of the songs that came on my iPod
And what our parents would say when we snuck back in at 6 in the morn
It didn't matter, you were everything I adored about the world
Because even after your death would I go to that street corner and see you soar
In the wind you were, always there
In my arms, grabbing my hair
Your weathered soul will always be fair
My ex lover whether you can hear me or not, I will never forget, I will always keep this ring on my finger

Every moment with you is so beautiful
Why don't you see it, how perfect we could be together?
Friends don't say the things we say to each other
But you keep telling yourself that I'm more of a brother
I've always stood back I've never smothered, why is it I feel like sometimes I'm just another?

What's it take a girl to love a man?
Should I have pushed you over the edge of just friends tonight
Should I have been bold, to tell you how you make me feel
Would it have made a difference to tell you how my faint heart beat grows strong when you're in the room
While I lay on my bed and you lay on the floor
my heart shakes the bed
It ripples the waves when you're at sea and I'm stuck on shore
You're the only girl I want more than to score

Movies, games, music, ***
I'm sweating in my head
I'm a demon and you're my crucifix
I'm the jasper in your clique
I'm just your lullaby, I can put you to sleep but I can't cure you if you're sick
I'm not Jesus, I'm not God, but I'm yours

I take you every night before I close my eyes
My desperate medicine
And alone I'll break bread till this hangover subsides
You'll be in my head while I take this cold shower that I know won't do a thing
You're a crypt keeper darling, you're my little pretend lover
I don't want to sleep until you're under my covers
You're the only one who can save me from you, and I don't want you to

You've got your hair in a mat
And your shower is some distant planet
You said so many times you were going to do that, that, and that
When you were in over your ego, like a ***** little aristocrat
You scratch paint chips off the walls, and you can't put them back

You'd never take a life, not even your own
Although you feel it's not worth it anymore
You're looking for some way out, but death's a corner shaped door
Nothing looks fair in life if we're keeping score

So you watched the kids the other day
Rolling die, and making moves, it's just a play
But you're just a pin stuck in your haystack mind
And your personalities are the only friends you've made in the past 365 nights
All your hope is lost in your heart under that dim light

I know how you feel, when you say that death is a corner shaped door
And you want it to take you in the night
Or in a mishap like a car crash or a messy bar fight
But sometimes your head gets ahead of your sight
Sometimes you just have to endure until it's alright

I remember feeling pain
When our hips were pressed together
Inseperable, like marriage vows
We moved together, like the words we spoke
With our bodies we were so much louder
And my head was crowded with the echoes
Your body was rippling in my memory
I felt you for centuries as we sat there barely moving
And I was looking into you, and you were looking into me
It was like when I looked at you I didn't need water or have the need to breath
We were so close in that moment that the next three days felt like I was wearing you as a sleeve
It was completely silent, not completely
I remember, I remember hearing your heart beat
I remember you were on top and I was underneath, and I remember you stopping and listening to everything I had to say, but you couldn't hear it over the sound of my heart beat
And your tan skin turned red
Your face did too, you looked into my eyes
And I turned blood red too
You grabbed my chest, I could feel your nails
A tear fleeted from the dark ring around your eye
and you breathed out, and I could hear the sighs from your body's cramped compassion and the feeling of your tightened thighs around mine
I could see your soul crumpled up into skin and bones that someone encapsulated you in to die
But you were alive, and everything you had felt that night, I was inside

Some people think I make rash decisions
Like I'm not aware
They tell me I should be more careful
I shouldn't assume such positions
That I should use more precision

But am I the only one aware of the time we have here
And how important it is to live without limitations
I don't want to be old and look back in regret and fear
I don't know the repercussions of what I may do
And who I may hurt, may end up hating me too
But sometimes I'd rather have that than never knew

And it's sad, really sad to look back
And see all of your mistakes piling up in stack
And saying hey, things would be different if I hadn't have ****** up so bad
But sometimes funny things happen in life, and can lead you to the right people
And if that's the case than maybe the others were wrong

Maybe life is more than just a sad song
When everybody's all bent from the throng
The song can take a variety of pitches and tones
It's the sound of opportunity that I'm trying to hone

It's hard to keep a clean slate when you're all caught up brunettes and blondes
And alcohol in the name of the yesteryear
All caught up in love and song and you can't seem to grasp the time like it's sifting through an hourglass
Just trying to enjoy my time here, so please don't hold my decisions too seriously

My hair is so full of debris
My beard is becoming a monument to better times
There's a little devil on my shoulder, and a damp cigarette in my lip
There's a glass of stale water on my dresser I've been staring at for days
I'm still recovering from your explosion

I can't get in reach of my arms and legs
My mind has deteriorated from the entropy
I'm so angry all the time that the muscles on my forehead have distinguished the letter V
You were a black diamond that I crashed on
And now I'm trutting down the mountain in broken skis

Where were you when I believed
You opened the door for yourself and then you receded
You were my lover, but now you're a stubborn little dead girl I seeded
I replaced you with medication I write your name over and over in my head as I bleed
You were the only one who could ever relieve me of this pain and you left me with that need

Wish I wasn't so broken
Cause everyone around doesn't want to be a friend
They just want to fix me
They want to turn my static into something more dynamic
They follow me around and orbit my dramatics
But I'm not much of a fan-addict

I just sedate
And when the dark rolls around
I know that I will live forever
I will never separate, and you will not see me
I will live in the dark forever
I will decorate the back of my eyelids with stars and coffins
I will put you to your rest, put you back to bed, where you came from
Behind time sockets

You will see the moon twitch with every night that passes
But the moon will always be full
Have fun with your illusions
I'll be recreating in a star of nuclear fusion

Give me your life, I will create your excuses
I will grind your ideas into fine powder
I will make a solution
I will travel so fast away from here I will undo the future
Till the fabric of space time seems a bit looser

I will live forever, you will not see me
I am as invisible as dark matter
I will be as swift and destructive as solar wind
I will put you to rest, I will put you back to bed, where you came from
Behind time sockets

I wonder what it would be like to not leave a note
And have you piece me together
And if I could watch you do it I wonder what you would say
Would you paint me in warm colors, always happy, always caring, never selfish?
Or would you speak to me in hatred through the thin fabric of life and death that we so willfully hang upon
Would those selfish emotions absorb you like they did me
Would you hate me more than I hate myself
Because you loved me for you or because you loved me for me
I don't know if either is better

I'm not always happy, I don't always care, and I am selfish
You don't know me, I dont think you ever will
And I don't want you to, I am evil
I am cynical, I am angry, I am the opposite of empathy
And I think under all that ******* you are too

Maybe it'd be a good lesson for you to see me drift into a quantum fluff
And become all the blips that crowd your radar with existential superstition
And I hope that it's quick, I don't want to see anything flash in front of my eyes
I do not want to see my life pass me by
I don't even want to say goodbye
I just want to be.. No thing.

Where do I seek when all of my friends are antiques
Crooked in the face, a little oblique
The Human Condition is a special boutique
Riddle in with cash for souls
Anything to fill the hole they could not
Buy them out just to watch them rot
You'll see their lives more complex then once thought

There's a board game for those like us
Rolling die and choosing cards
It's much like Russian roulette, but with car crashes and house fires
For some the game may end in a pyre

But if you win you still don't win
You just play the game till your bones melt through your wrinkly old ******* skin
But if you sin enough, you may make the wall of no return, just like the rest of my friends

I cannot conceive of not being
Therefore I cannot die

Go to church to ripen your life
You’re layered like an onion, hard to get past the tusk
You’re riding in the back of my hearse
On a bed of colloquial sins
Let me ask, does it hurt your back?

Let’s open the book and contradict
Get through a few pages, this books a bit thick
Pick out a few verses that I’d like to call my favorites
We could sit there all day, we could politik
You could become my favorite little hypocrite

We could take the definition of love verbatim
We could boast, keep a record of wrongs
I could preserve you in the carbon chamber of my mind
If love never fails, then love is never patient nor kind
Ball and chain I will bind every loose end I can find

Kneel your head, darling, at the call of a pew
Have you prayed today? You’re looking a bit gray
Your skin is thick like a damp haystack at the end of May
You’re here to stay with me, I will undertake all the pain for God's sake
Mumble my vows while you sleep next to me
Thread the needle when your falling part
Sew you up like my own work of art

You’ll be my masterpiece, and I’ll be your master, and you’ll find me some peace
I will be the only one to awe at your greasy hair and your cold dead feet
And we can take back that one time you wore a white dress at the courthouse
And all the times before that, that my hands snuck under your blouse
I’ll be ****** if I do, I’ll be ****** if I don’t
What’s said is done, I found this book too late to make it count

I remember speaking to the child on the corner of Robusto and Jane
Who I gave a quarter just to give her her way
She was so easy to please with her parking meter brain
Something as simple as that can either ruin or make your day

If we all came out of an egg would the question beg a God who cared
To give you such a soft shell and such a cynical stare
We come in scared and we leave impaired
Torn from womb and put underground only to be the remains of something of someone, from somewhere

We will be relics, and not the kind behind museum glass
Just little pieces of paper on the walls of others who soon too will pass
And the little girl so pleased with donations
Will soon be reaped of her tumultuous temptations
When her ironclad youth is misled by its sail

Your smile crossed my desk and I felt some kind of affection
But baby I'm just your accountant, and I'm accounting for some counting of the stars, I slipped my number to you and we hit a couple bars
Had a few arguments, made a few scars
Made some babies and bought a car

Where are we going? Where are we now?
I'm just a character in your bed, and I'm a little voice in your head
And I'm a petty little man in a suit and tie
And you haven't left your head for days I can barely leave you alone
But don't you worry darling I'll be home after my nine to five
Just eight hours honey won't you turn on some turkey music and jive
Try and remember when we used to be alive, yeah?

What's your scientific name, little reptilian
You're so manufactured your skin tastes like leather
You're so done up you'd melt in any kind of weather
When you're in my bed it's like a storm in your lace sweater
I can see what's underneath, and it's complementing everything I feel
What do I have to convince inside of you
To seal the deal
A bride wearing blue is a grooms refute
But if you can make me feel like this every night I'll suit up for you

And I'll forget my old life, I'll just make due
I'll forget my old life, I'll just think something up
I'll just recreate you
I'll place you inside of my mouth right next to my sweet tooth

Get out of my head, telephone ears
I'm not even trying to call you
But you're answering every line
Don't believe in god, but you're giving me signs

There's little cities in frames plastered throughout every hall
No corner of this house makes me feel alone, when I talk to myself the sounds just bounce of the walls
Little people in my head are grinding gears, making worlds in the back of my eyes
Everything on the other side slurs my words because I visit myself so often I'm going blind
It's the only place to hide here

Are you going to push me around when I'm king?
Feed me grapes as I roll around in my golden wheelchair?
Come to ease my every whim at the ring of a bell?
Are you going to ****** me with your perfume and let me run my fingers through your hair?

Will you pick me up and teach me how to dance?
Kick the wheelchair from underneath me and take me out to see the stars?
Pluck some funny shrooms from that log and open up my mind?

I know one day I will die
And every part of me will be pulled apart until I am rot and bones or a pile of ashes on top of a will the size of a tome
But I hope that it is in someone's home
And not just my own
But how can I ever trust that you'll never prefer to be alone?

I always hated the color of your emotions
On these dull and rainy days
Haven't seen the sun for months
Can somebody fax me the apocalypse
Can we just go back into a Big Crunch
Don't care about time anymore it just slips
Through my fingers

I'm not perfect like you think, I'm patchwork
My design has so many flaws and quirks
I'm made of skin and bones, some tell me if I'd try to swim I'd sink
Wish I was more of a liar so maybe I could float

What a tease you are in your little floral dress
And your needle and your thread and your thimble and the little squeaky noises from your rubber sneakers tread
Thought you were so cute when you'd ask me to drink my wine and eat my bread
Who knew a sip would turn into a bag and a loaf of bread

I hated how you looked up when I would look down
And the town felt like a bell tower full of time where I never heard the bell sound
And when you would close your ears it felt like a tsunami had hit my face and turned me into a zombie walking frown
Where my brain was so angry it turned red and filled with blood until I drowned

And there you sat that afternoon playing with your alabaster Barbie that oddly represented you
And you combed her hair and gave her a personality that you could choose
And you forgot all about the needle and thread, and all my patchwork of yellow and red and blue
You forgot all about me and if you would have mixed all the colors right you wouldn't have anything to lose
But here I am with my wiry string and my patchwork bruise
I've got smoke in my lungs and oil in my stomach fueling an industrial revolution that's way past due

All of you post modern girls
Flapping your wings, trying to get some kind of response out of me
You think you'll always get what you want
With your pigeon superstition
You want all the rings and shiny things
It's in your nature
And I wanna give you it all, it's in my nurture

I saw you curl up in your fettered feathers the other day
When the shadows of my figure on the floor resembled a hawk
You were so adorable, big eyed there, while you sawked
I ran my hands beneath your wings and you told me how safe it made you feel when I would talk

I saw you grow as your wingspan could finally reach around my waist
And you became brave and you faced the hawk
And taught him how to be a man
You taught him posture, you taught him how to stand
You got your ring, and all the other shiny things
And when I kissed you among that alter for everyone to see
You looked up and said, the only shiny thing you ever really wanted was me.

My forearms are sore
From pretending to grip hands that aren't there
And my head has become torn from all the eyes
That just stare

I remember those eyes were the reason I used to grow my hair long
So I could wear my blonde reflection as a safety blanket
And maybe no one would bother to ask how I was when that's exactly what I wanted
But that was a long time ago, and nothing's changed, and all these eyes are still quite haunting
But you didn't have to go out of your way to tell me that it's okay
Because I love you too much, and your words are too positive
And my negative little head is gravitating to you like a magnet
No matter how you may change me, my thoughts are still stagnant

Your computer eyes, can calculate me like I'm as simple as an algebraic equation
It makes me hate you when you can fix me and cure me of every abrasion
Why couldn't I be that strong by myself, why couldn't I take it
When you leave who's going to cover the scar you left
I'm no longer young like I used to be, I don't have that safety blanket
I'm just wearing you, and I'm wearing you down

Good thing it's getting colder cause I can't tell the difference in my heart
But inside of me somewhere my tears are running a watermill
And that's the only thing that keeps me going
That's the only thing that keeps me up late at night

Looking blank TV head
Antenna metal like aluminum sheds
Every squeeze and every bite
Of every guy on your promiscuous bed
Sheets that wave while your body sings lies
And your mother whispers her last lullabies

Cutting ties, no formal dinner
Back to bed, mapped hair, mind running on paint thinner
Head so tough, beat sounds a bit dimmer
Kisses only danced lists of wishes and hopes for a sinner
You'll never change, your touch will always simmer

It's only cables that tie me to you now
Everytime I try to contact you I get shocked
My phone sits there on the coffee table, but it mys as well be my noose
Every text message I sent was just time spent induced
The idea of being with you is so abstract light bends obtuse

But we tried government and it became to powerful
Our markets were privatized and our thoughts of trade were never exchanged
Oland our military minds built thought tanks from broken memories

I remember those October clouds were like the fog of war
When the sky ripped open and tore the ozone
The conflict was swift but it would take time to repair it
You won the battle though, and your sovereignty became apparent

And here I am with this telephone just calling in air strikes
Missing every time
Because you don't care

I don't know where I am, and I don't know where I'm going. I know barely anything about quantum fluctuations but I am obsessed with them. I am feeble minded as I tend to focus on all the wrong things at all the wrong times. I try to be honest to myself yet I always come short. In lying I find bliss I think, or maybe I just don't want to admit who I am.

One day I'd like to be a writer, although I feel sometimes I'm too self critical of my own work to even get a page in without scrapping everything. I'm trying to find drive, but it's hard when all I want to think about is hopeless romantics. I guess love is the ultimatum, and I'm not sure what it is or if it's even out there. I try not to try and find it, so that it may find me, but at the same time I try not to abide by systematic structures of thinking for thinking.

I have an awful tendency of using metaphors and letting my readers know what was intended by them rather than having the reader come up with it in their own head.

I'm in a constant battle with cynicism as I try to see the best in people, but some don't let me see that.  I think there is greatness in everyone but that for most it is dormant, especially inside of me.  I cannot ask the universe to trigger that greatness inside of me, so in a lot of ways I feel I am waiting for that.  However I do not want to spend my entire life waiting, or I will never be able to look back in the end and see all of the things that resulted in doing.

I'm not sure what I believe about death, and I don't think anybody else really is either.  I don't think that any one person can really know a thing, but I do believe in hunches.  I think uncertainty makes the universe beautiful. I feel that's the dark matter of the human emotion.  Without the weight of certain emotions we can not define anything, and with it we still cannot.  It's all feeling.

I try to stray away from culturally defined things and into a world of ideas.  It is hard to avoid suffering in this way, for if knowledge is unobtainable, then why continue to seek it? Because of this I try not to become attached, but it is hard to do that with the tendencies of human emotion.

Regardless of how much I think on my free time I seem to have lost the ability to do that around others in the public space as I'm always too aware of the people around me.  I wish that I could rid myself of my anxiety, but sometimes the common person is enough of a ***** to make sweat roll down my temples.

I feel there are many sides of me, sides I love, and sides I do not necessarily favor.  However they're all parts of me, and I feel that if I did not have one without the other I would not be able to experience the great things about myself.  I bounce back and forth between these things, and some people trigger the best sides of me, some trigger the worst.  That's why I'm constantly searching for a chemistry that does indeed complete me, so that I can be a me that I love for the rest of my days.  I fear that's why I'm a hopeless romantic.  A hopeful hopeless romantic.

I believe in chemical inevitability.  That at one point the universe was set into motion by a force whether it be something we cannot perceive like a god or something that we can grasp like the sciences, and that every little chemical, every atom was destined to collide in such a way for the rest of eternity.  So whether you think you make your own decision about things or not, they were already decided long ago.  Every chemical in your brain that makes up every thought that you have is there because of something that was set into motion eons ago.  We are intrinsically connected to everything around us, for the thoughts that every little thing gives us, and the actions that create who we are and drive us to be.

I'm trying to find a way to be without thinking, but I suppose that will take a lot of work.. A lot of work.  And I think that would be beautiful, but there is no way to do something by delaying it, but my attention span is short and my anxiety can impede progress more than one could ever imagine.

Everyone goes through things that are hard in their life, whether it be relative to them and only them, I think that having a human conscience is enough to drive anybody into deep depression.  I think that's why Plato always said to 'be kind to everyone you meet, for everyone is fighting a hard battle.' I think that to the human race though it seems that these things are largely unspeakable. There's a social barrier surrounding how people speak of their existentiality, their doubts, their regrets, and the un finite paramount of life.  And I believe that that's why we have become to some extent, a helplessly miserable species.

I decided that I could give you a biography, or I could show you who I am.

I decided the latter.

My name is Zachary Simon, I'm 20 years of age and currently reside in Morgantown, West Virginia. Please, ask me anything.

I kept your note in my head
And I hear it every time the pitch scratches through my ear
When the music isn't enough and the speakers start to buzz
I'm counting my cards and I'm planning my next move to fall in love
I lost my best friend, but also my dove
Don't know when I'm going to push you away, and say enough is enough

Fall caught my attention
Seeing the beautiful leaves stray fleeting
I've been biting at your heels for so long some may say I'm teething
I'm young and my hearts still beating, people say I should jump and drink and **** until I'm bleeding
But all I want is dirt roads, a home, and a season that's never fleeting
I want so much some may say I'm needy
Some may say I'm always day-dreaming

Keeping this inner monologue, going to keep myself from thinking
Sometimes it makes me feel bigger, sometimes I feel like I'm shrinking
If I'm inflamed, don't inquire a doctor, just grab me some cortozone
If I'm crying, don't ask her why, just hang up the telephone

Council of my mind
Why do we gather here today?

The wraps around your hands are weathered from your anger
Your passion is whimsical as the wind of the lower valley
Why is it you bounce between boundaries like the hellish grip of possession
Has your confidence not found its way to its obsession?

I've lost my way, yes I know, it's the silence that creeps into my veins and into my bones
That makes me so fragile I could break with the throw of a stone
Most of the time I can move forward like fire
And every breath of vanity feeds oxygen to the fire
I could singe every tree in the forest, but what I seek is hiding in the ocean
I could not grasp her attention for more than a second, it would take a lovers potion

Have you not seen what you have put yourself through to grasp something you can't feel?
You couldn't catch a fish if you had a pole and a reel
Why do you try to can the sardine when you do not have the seal?

I do not mean to keep her in a cage, all I want is for her to be free

Can you not see how happy she is,
Maybe you should leave her the way she is before you scare her back into the sea
Let her roam the land, let her be free
Asking her to dance would be like putting her on a leash

But if she accepts the dance I will not hesitate
If it means her feeling caged then I will join her in fate
It will mean the beginning of a new era bound by heart and by hand
And the end to an era shaped like an hourglass, running out of sand

If X is Y then why should X and Pi be multiplied
Because if X is Y then maybe Pi would shy away and look for a different x that's worth the time to multiply
But Pi is complex and never knows what it wants
One second Pi's confident and loves to flaunt, but at other times it's insecure and its anxiety tends to wonder and haunt
Pi doesn't really know what it needs, and definitely doesn't know what it wants
It's hard to make commitments but in the late of night lonliness taunts

Pi is a complex character, a stand up guy
But the more he thinks the more his mind becomes like the roll of a die
But pi, pi is too caught up in X's and Y's
Independent or dependent, and full of lies
They're all the same or trying to be too different all of the time
If only Pi could see that it should be with someone more like Pi
Because multiplication could last forever, not just on the roll of a die

I want to know what you think about late at night
Are you like me do you take every idea and dissect it till it's out of sight?
Wonder why your brain is constantly at war with itself
Take every little idea , read it and put it back on the shelf
Or is it feeble, simpleminded, a burnt out light?
Why can't I read you, you're bound shut
Why can't I tell if you're worth the trouble or am I just stuck in a rut
I want to tell you how I feel, but if it didn't work out  that would ruin all our little dish room inside jokes about Key and Peele
How am I supposed to bottle things up when I can't find the seal
Why do I spend all my tired nights up writing about you
I don't know who you are, I don't know how to feel

God you're something
In a world of nothing
You're the only color that pops
When everything I see is in gray
When you're around I forget that frowning is a thing that people do

I never want to remember what it's like to frown, and live with it hiding underneath
I never want to remember what it's like to be alone in such a big town
I want hear you say it, I want to sweep you off your feet
I want your words to mend me, I want to feel complete

Gotta break loose from this circle that controls my life
I'm becoming a relic of self abuse
I want to fall in love with everything that moves
When I love nothing at all, and have nothing to prove
My love is addiction and my addiction is love
And I've got a short attention span, but somehow keep gliding
But I've given up on feeling high
I've felt it all before, and all I'm feeling now is shy
Never wanted to die and still don't
But it haunts my thoughts a lot so
I guess I gotta smash the clock and break out of my shell
Hope for the best, hope it settles the score

Why do I care about geography when I just want to find another planet
Planet earth is nothing more than news
I want to move forward, I want to know why
I'm sick of all the politicians and war, have we forgotten why we're here
Have we forgotten what we've never known
Or does the thought just make us feel more alone
Your god has not shown
Maybe he's making planets elsewhere
Maybe he's given up on us
Maybe the the only thing left is boiling beneath earth's crust

Were you colorful or was I just using crayons
Were you outgoing or did I just forget your outline
I'm looking for new colors to help me keep your ambivalence aligned

Wrestling with art skews shapes into hues
I painted me into the pictures too
Am I just washed out or am I using a lot of blue
You're running away and I'm left here confused
Did I forget to use glue or was I just used
I thought I had control, but you were drawing too

I drew a house around me, with a corner too
I forgot what season it is
I'm losing color, I'm turning into a silhouette
I lost my thought bubble in the last month I can remember
It was June.
The only thing I have left is a question mark
That I'm trying to bend into a sword
But I don't have the same crafting supplies that I drew with you

Let's become eachothers excuse to lay our bodies to waste and then to rest.
In love and war, do you attest?

You told me once that your body is a temple, and today I saw it crumble
Your turrets fell to the ground as you joined me in hand and hip
And you jumped from the cradle into my arms
But your palms shook firm like mahogany as you slipped out from your floral silhouette
I held your heart in my hands as it was beating
And you captured me like the Garden of Eden
I never knew you, not all of you at once
Not until today when you revealed every contour and lesion
Every little cadence beneath your breathing
Please don't let this be us peaking
Don't let the years pass by in fleeting
When you start to count your seasons in freedom
Because one day you will reach the end of my imagination
Where people raise pickets of indignation
If this cannot last forever, then shall it be my resignation