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Kai Nov 2024
Gut
My gut has been telling me to run
My brain has been telling me to stay, and that “I’m okay”
My gut wasn’t telling me to run for fun
My gut wasn’t trying to be funny when it said that “You’re not okay”
It’s telling me to run as if there’s something or someone dangerous in the area
As if I were not safe where I was currently

This wasn’t hilarious
This is dangerous
Every few seconds with my headphones on
Flicking my light switch to on
Just to make sure there wasn’t anything in my room that can harm me
I wouldn’t hear anything around me
If I had my headphones on you see?
I look like I’m insane
But things are severely messing with my brain
Even without headphones, I'm still panicked
I hope I'm not getting tricked
But I feel like someone is about to hit me
Someone I can’t see
The dark
I can’t even bark
Or my parents will get mad
Saying that I’m mad
Saying I’m insane
And it’s “all in your brain”
Forcing me to go to sleep when I obviously can’t
Feeling like a useless ant

I can’t fight the feeling of hands away
I just want to run away
Just like my gut is telling me to do
While my brain is telling me that’s the wrong thing to する
The feeling as if my parents
Were skinwalkers impersonating my parents
Out to get me
Makes me want to flee

Feeling as if I were being dramatic
Feeling as if this was one of my gut’s antics
Feeling scared
Was never a thing I cared
About
Until I found out about
The unwavering fear that holds me
My gut telling me
I’m just a piece of meat
To eat

Hands are shaking
Feeling my flesh baking
Get me out of this oven that I despise
felt this feeling last night. i normally feel this feeling for no reason.
  Nov 2024 Kai
Aleks
I write so my head feels less messy,
I write so my chest feels less heavy.
My lungs seems less full,
When I spill the word out of my soul.
  Nov 2024 Kai
Nobody
Its all a dream
The sky too blue
To be real

Its all a dream
I turn and turn-
But the mirror stays unchanged

Its all a dream
Faces i know are familiar
But they blur, leaving a smooth canvas

Its all a dream
I can't remember who i am
I keep forgetting

Its all a dream
Words melt together
Like a collage of confusion

Its all a dream
I'm here
But not at all

Its all a dream
Everything is so distant
Yet its all I see

Its all a dream, isnt it?
Kai Nov 2024
Seeing something so nice
Finally, I’m not meeting something as cold as ice
I feel like I can finally breathe
Without having to seethe
The feeling so warm and nice
It feels so great
As if I were eight
Being treated decently as if I were a human and not a alien
Finally getting asked “How have you been?”
As if I am a human with decency
As if I weren’t a simple flea
As if I weren’t a pest
As if I were the best

Peacefully explaining things I don’t understand
Explaining things that I thought I couldn’t comprehend
Accepting my clingy nature
Never thinking that it’s something major
Waiting for you everyday to text me
I’m a bit too scared to ignite a conversation, you see?
Letting me hold your hands every chance I get
You’re as perfect as a complete tea cup set
You don’t like physical affection
Yet, you let me display all my physical affection
Onto you
You let me do whatever I want to do
To you (with some boundaries of course)
I will protect you, no matter the price
Rolling the dice
And hoping for the high
I will try

You always manage to make me break out in laughter when we talk
Whenever we walk
Everything may look like obsession
But I simply just want your undivided attention!
That’s one of the consequences you may have to face when you’re really nice to me

Breaks come along
The wait seems so long
Until I can see your pretty face again
But I’ll have to wait until then…
meow, please don't question this. i was bored.
Kai Nov 2024
Something feels eerie
Something feels creepy
I can’t relax anywhere
All I’m asking is where?
Where is it?
I’m getting scared of it
Where do the eyes lead to?
All I know is, it shouldn’t lead to you

I feel like I’m stuck being a actor
Just because of a stalker
Stuck perfecting myself
Stuck being a toy for yourself
I swear I’m not paranoid
But I keep seeing humanoid
Figures

Sometimes, I wake up to see a shadow
In the window
A shadow of a human figure
Sitting right there
It gives me the chills
Or a shadow behind my doorway
Just so that way
He can watch me go to sleep
But I always weep
Haunted by nightmares while being conscious
Always cautious
Always feeling eyes trained on me
They are hiding in places where I cannot see

Eyes on the back and front of my head
Laying in bed
Doing mundane tasks
Yet, I have to ask
Why do I feel these unwanted eyes?
Eyes among I?
Making me feel nauseous every single time I sense their eyes
Making me scared when I feel their eyes
Covering up myself
Making myself as still as an elf
Feeling their eyes even through the cameras of my devices
I just wonder what the price is
Just to make them go away

Please, I beg
Make this feeling go away
I swear I'm not even diagnosed with anxiety or schizophrenia.
Kai Nov 2024
You know, you can't spell $u!c!de without u and I
would you be willing to join me in a double suicide?! - Dazai Osamu from Bungo Stray Dogs
Kai Nov 2024
All you do is run your mouth
You're making everyone's lives go south

All you are is annoying *******
****** cowards
Never crossing the 7 seas
Might as well join the psych ward
Because of how insane y'all are
All bark, no bite
Let's see how you'll fly under the radar
It's quite the sight
Leaving yourself so vulnerable 
Making yourself so useless
Making yourself appear disabled
Opening up the list
Naming several reasons why
Making yourself look like a needy ***** that wants attention
None of it is being truthful to the eye
It all looks like you just have an obsession
You're so sensitive that it makes me laugh
You're so annoying that you make me laugh
In pain
Again
While I'm trying not to rip your organs out

So weak yet so slow
You have such weak blows
Every single shot I take
You think I'm at stake
All I say is "What the **** was that?
I couldn't even be hit by a bat?"
Not even a tiny pinch?
Do you even know how to throw a punch?
Can you even try without throwing the same insults every time?
Because you do every time
Find some other insult then return to me
Fix your grammar, then return to me
Okay, old lady?
You probably can't even hear me
You're deaf to a certain degree
You don't even know how to navigate your phone correctly
You don't even know how to navigate your TV correctly (before putting a virus on the ****** device that has to hear your voice)
You really thought you ate
But all you did was eat
And eat
And eat
OH **** THEY ARE ABOUT TO EAT THE WHOLE SOLAR SYSTEM-

Accusing people who have wrongs in the past
Accusing people of their wrongs that happened in the past
Making me seem like I'm not "disturbed" 
In your herd
You're making yourself to look like a clown
In it's gown
In a circus tent
With no one else except your little friends inside
You're trying to make yourself so intimidating 
But everyone and everything just laughs at your acting
You're trying your hardest to out live us
But you weigh as much as 50 buses

Look at me in my eyes
Why do you even try?
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