At first, it was because she wasn't what she wanted,
Because she wasn't what anyone wanted;

Small, red, welts lined her forearm

Then, that horrible beast came to claim her,
It started to cause her pain, so more came with it;

Long, skinny, scanned lines across her ribs

Then the first person to be allowed into her mind, her sanctuary, saw them,
And was disgusted, because he would never understand

Time passed, and they grew in depth and size, along with the beast,
Then he broke her

The girl who finally thought she was good enough, wasn't
And he took refuge in her best friend, and ruined her in the process

And that bottle in the cabinet started to look so inviting, that she partook,
But after the first taste of drunken release at the party full of cliche and angst,
The last part of her was taken unwillingly

She hid it along with her liquor filled breath,
Then it happened again, and oh how the beast and his marks grew;

Deep, ****** slashes along her untouched thighs

Alcohol was her only comfort, that bottle loved her more than anyone ever could,
For she claimed it was okay, was consensual, denial is a hell of a drug, and she was overdosing on it

Then another came and tried to put her back together,
And the glue he used was as strong as that feeling of first love between the two

But the monster had pulled her down to his home,
That deep unforgiving trench in your mind, that most never escape;

Short, organized, well hidden under her sleeves on her forearms

The glue started to lose it's bond,
Yet again she was left for another;

Long, deep, dripping, slices aligned perfectly down her forearm

Oh how she wanted to drift away, into the sweet arms of the reaper,
But she was unsuccessful,

A year later and they keep getting worse,
Gradually, the beast returns with deeper wounds;

She's building up the courage for the final round with that beast;

Long, overflowing, crimson gashes flow down her arm
Never to be sewn shut

I am not the one you would expect
I am not the one you dream of,

For I cannot love properly,
cannot breathe properly without him

Those beautiful times, first love's touch
and first love's burning pain

I am not the one you think I am
I am not the one you think I could be

I am the one who is a ghost in a living body,
blood still pumping through my veins

To no avail, my heart ceased to function,
when you stopped loving me

I am the least of everyone's expectations,
the least of what I could be

But you loved me for that, and made my blood
boil and my heart pump it through my intoxicated veins

You made my blood go to my rotting flesh,
but in the end it ran out of my wrists

In my sleep I still see you, still feel you,
and it's so wrong

But when I see you in my alcohol induced slumber,
It makes me miss you a little less

I wake afterward with puffy eyes,
and the oh so familiar, bitter taste,

Of those memories,
and the sweet smell of your skin,

That she now smells,
the one who was better than me

The one who lived up to her expectations,
and to yours

Everyone says it wasn't my doing,
but loving you was the worst mistake Ive ever made