I can't get you out of my head.
And no that's not a means to an end.
Its the start of a braceful beginning.
Or an irrotational sense of my state of mind which is questionable around this time.


3:52 and I'm still thinking of you.
If love is defined as constantly admiring anothers lyfe and worrying about their well being then why can't I call my feeling for you love?
Is it because you won't let me?
It seems the closer I strive the further I get pushed away.
It's like swimming to shore feeling you're almost there only to notice the waves swept you to a perilous trench,
Coated in black ink.
But no matter how many times I'm swept away by that tidal wave it never discourages me.
Because only I see that beautiful weeping mermaid alone on her glistening island of black ink.
Just let me wash it off.
And together we'll live in your treasure.


And darling we might not be pirates
But we might be peasants.
And I may not bare any sort of sensational fruit.
But I bare presents.
In the form of my love.
The strongest communication I can join your communion of common relation.
And together we'll strive for that feeling of common knowledge and shared intentions.
Common strife and shared dimensions.
Because we may not be peasants for much longer.
We've been plungering and sailing this ship of love long enough.
That I'm sure we're pirates with greedy ambitions.
And tedious repetition of unknown religions.
And one day we'll be rich off of this boat we've made from out love.
And one day we can stop sailing and settle down.
But until that day.
Our love is yet to be found.
So let's stop waiting around,
And set sail.

I got home and messanged my friends

But I guess I didn't realize I wanted to share my life with you not with them.

And it made me hold my breathe.

Realizing you were all I had.

So I guess I have nothing left.

What if on that night I told you I was in love with you?
Would these steel seams melt away?
Would this collection of misguided dreams dissipate in the rain?
Would you have been mine and everything would've stayed the same for the years that've passed us up and locked away our inner emotions?
Would you have ever felt that way?
Why did you ever tell me you loved me the same.
Because since then all I've ever wanted is to kiss you the way we kiss in my dreams.
Or my nightmares I should say.
Cause every time I day dream about you I think I'm in hell.
Forced to remember all the good times we buried in those hollow wooden caskets sealed tighter than any imagination I've ever had of runung away. Sealed tighter than my hopes when they sunk to the bottom of the ocean each day you found a new suiter.
A new body of warmth and comfort because no matter how many times I loved you at my most.
My most was never enough.
And what does that say about me?
How am I supposed to breath?
When I wake up to a decreased oxygen tank you've pocked tiny holes into so I couldn't breathe.
And I don't want to breathe
Knowing you'll never be with me.
So maybe being the shoulder to cry on is all I'll ever been.
Cause you'll never see past the dreams and realize our beauty.
You'll never see past the outcast
Of our short lasted opportunities.
Like little white lies told when knitting.
Its just now that I'm seeing with my own eyes, why the thread is becoming undone.
Because this sweater of love you knitted me.
Was just a pity gift amongst throw aways you've hidden beneath.
And what hurts the most is knowing you've never lied to me
You've never intentionally hurt me.
You've only accidentally crushed my soul.
And for that I'm sorry.
I truly can't take anymore.
So take me back to that night we ate sushi.
The rain pelted but our voices made it seem like butterflies dancing in the spring.
Window wipers were a distraction to block out awkward air.
And I could've said I love you.
Right then and there.
Please take me back to that moment of serenity.
Because now my emotions are just reasons for you to forget me.
And saying I love you.
Never let's me sleep.
Annie

Sometimes during the drowsiness
And after the feeling of remembering the times we stayed up talking.
I call your number hoping for the day.
When one missed call can become one never ending conversation,
And I can finally say.
I've missed you.
But I laugh because I know.
That you'll just say,
I know you do, but your love,
Is a love I threw away.

In the moments when silence is fueled by adrenaline and instinct. Words thrive the most,
Cornered like animals hiding from prey.
And in a world fascinated by the less adequate beauties gorgeousness is not hard to find.
But when I see you my passion is silenced and beauty is all but mute.
So when we speak the words are natural the adrenaline is gone and the world is no longer gorgeous.
Because its lost all its beauty to you.

Every day feels like an obstacle.
And I'm lost with every expression you make silently.
We notice each others indifferences but never speak on them.
We strike out of luck with every passing glance and every failed attempt to fall in love.
But I want to fall in love.
And so do you.
I hope.
I think.
I'm not sure.
And so we're hard to love when being revealed to vulnerability.
And I could carve out my heart just for you to carve out yours.
And we'd just be staring at each other unable to accept the responsibility of our hearts sensibility.
And fighting is pointless because neither of us want to be the reason for pain.
And we blur passive words like, "it's for your sake" or "I just don't want you to get hurt." When in reality we both know what we mean.
Because our indifferences are our similarities.
And in reality we just don't want to be hurt.
So we make ourselves hard to love.
Because maybe one day our worth will contribute to our happiness and not just for others.
But for us.
And one day we'll be able to feel that tingle in our skin when we touch.
But for now I'm hard to love.
And your scared of falling in love.

Like a flower who wilted away.
Now again do I exsist for the purpose of exsistence sake.

Scabs congregated by blood.
Scars prone to love.
And like artery's we contract these air vesseled halls.
Collapsing in on ourselves when lost love.
Maybe that's why I can't breathe lately.

Take me into consideration .
When I leave through that front door.
With the screen cracked and the rolling thunder.
Take me into consideration
When I ask you to love me more.
So when I fall asleep in these moments of you and me.
I can at least not wake up in your nightmares.
Take me into consideration.
When the leaks start to fill in the floorboards .
And my neck aches from the cold sweats.
And my heart drowns from the heat.
Let me know I'm doing something right here.
So I don't leave you behind.
With neglect and piled up confusion.
I just want you to tell me you feel the same.
And that you'll take my feelings into consideration .
Because I'm tired of holding them back for Your sake.

Here's a cute poem for a cute girl.
Her names Demi and she's my god.
She's beautiful and funny but cold to the touch.
She's an icicle melting and I'm a friend who comes in clutch.
She's beautiful and I'd wish she'd see it sooner.
Cause there's to many loseres begging for her attention.
And it ****** me off how some of them are so possessive.
Reminds me of my bad luck striking black coal.
The only gold,
I've come across comes in the form of my beautiful friends.
And the only diamonds I've struck comes in the form of our trust.
I love you demi you're a great person.
Just do us both a favor and make amends with,
The demons you see every now and then.
Cause your my god and I know you're stronger then them.

You mention him when your around me.
Lovers? No just friends because youre not ready.
For a love that I'd fill you with,
But a fire that'll start when you're gone.
I will be engulfed by a hatred so pure.
Not For the reason that I was only an option
And never a cure.
But so I can hate the love that you told me about
And know it's something that only I ever adored.

Am I so disgusting that you can't bare the sight of me?
Does the validation of who I am not check out with the expiration date on my stamp?
Because I don't understand.
What about me makes you say no?
I'm shriveled I'm beaten I'm torn I'm ripped shredded grinded into dust.
I'm disgusting look at my lust!
IT FOLLOWS ME
I'm so blind.
I'm so emotional.
I'm so blind.
What am I that makes you say no?
What am I that even when you recognize the way I look at you,
With such precious precise precision,
It kills you to love me back the same?
I'm a monster and I don't know what's wrong.
But I've had this curse.
For to long.

DISSECT ME.
RIP OUT MY CORE AND BELITTLE THE MOMENTS I HELD IN REJOICE.
I'll realize what came to me as special when you leave through that door.
Not that you even entered my home but that you left it open.
And the hinges will remain unclipped.
Like EVERY WORD that leaves me lip.
CAUSE AT THIS POINT WHAT'S EVEN TRUE. I'M NOT SURE
WHY THE **** DO YOU GIVE ME FEELINGS WITH NO CLOSURE.
GOD ****** IM SO HURT.

Im right here waiting with you.
She calls and we're both worried sick.
Her mom seems to have lost it
And she couldn't avoid not being hit.
Our blood boils, till our brains no longer think clearly.
Until finally we both become wearily.
You love her like any best friend should,
No it goes beyond that, more like a never ending sisterhood.
I hear it your voice the way you care for her.
And I try talking and just being here,
However she hangs up on me,
And I hope shes not sheding tears.
But who could avoid it?
No crying for someone you love dear.
Even I cried for her friend.
The one who is not saying a word because she doesnt reprimand.
The way her mom is treating her must've torn a hole.
Inside her now 16 years of lyfe that she has treated as a toll.
She's a beautiful person that doesnt deserve this.
And my friend the one that hung up on me,
She knows no matter what we do all we can do is wait.
For the next day to come along so we can be there and give,
A life she deserves surrounded by love.
A life that reminds her we need her to live.

Life got hard the moment finding love became just as hard as keeping it.
The world was tired of waisting its time making everyone happy so it turned a blind cheek.
I just wish I wasn't oblivious to the soft smiles she gave me when I wasn't looking.
And time had no effect on my anger.
Like every breathe that escaped my denial fed my imagination of never falling in love again.
So we ignore feelings to fuel the flames of our dreams.
And the clouds floating above our heads when we day dream,
Are really just our feelings giving off steam.
So now our world slowly destroys its self by the factories we've made in our hearts to keep away love.
And this ozone layer will never repair itself until we find love again.

Maybe I shouldn't be writing so much?
Its just another way to lose my touch.
In the feeling I want BURIED and gone.
To the memories I want KILLED and WRONGED.
I want to remember a void.
An empty play skape where all I did was toy.
With other people SO THEY'D SEE HOW I SUFFER.
Cause I'm tired of being the ONLY ONE.
Who's light hearted, dead inside,
And DEAD BY THE SUN.
Because darling you're the rays of blistering hope that pierce through the skin in my back.
Because darling you don't love me for me.
But how are you supposed to when I don't even know what love is to me?
And at this point I CAN'T tell.
And I CAN'T SMELL
And I can't SEE
Because darling...
There's something wrong with me.
Maybe the doctors missed it?
Or maybe my parents never brought it up?
But I was born without a soul.
Baptized in HELL and blistered when I reached THIS SO CALLED HEAVEN YOU CALL EARTH.
And maybe just maybe.
I should drift off to sleep.

We separated.
Drifting apart faster than the content held in every breath I took shouting bee sting sized words at your back,

like the pain would cause you to go into anaphylactic shock and you'd realize you were abandoning a boat we didn't even build on purpose.

You said we should drift off too sea and I agreed.
You said we see things differently and I departed those words from your mouth like they weren't the infection pealing away my conscious everyday we drifted.

I cursed at the tidal waves everyday until I realized our arguments were the reason they started.

And each day spawned a new question faster than the hairs that grew on my face.
And each response fastened a quicker end to our adventures.

You said to stop enjoying the water and enjoy me more often.
But you didn't stop to realize I was staring at you the whole time we were just lost in the ocean and our paranoia was getting the better of us.

And every time we kissed the emotion wouldn't stop slipping.
Because in between the cracks of our lips salt water seeped through the very foundation of this building we had left our hearts with.

It was a change of pace and scenery.
They say losing someone hurts.
But the pain comes from the build up.

I wasn't hurting when you steered the boat to land because you were done with the only fish that kept you sane in the sea.
Or because you needed to find more fish on land to appease your desire
Making me the selfish one of this whole thing.

The process that broke me was watching the waves break us apart and thinking we could survive each one.
But the water become too deep.
And knowing our hearts would only grow apart and never stop drifting.
Put an end to my suffering as the tsunami rained down on us and ended our romantic journey.

And since then we never stopped drifting.

See me the way I see you.
See me so I know at least something is true.
Because I'm tired of the lies.
And I'm tired of her eyes.
They pierce me and make me want to cry.
To drown out my emotion and maybe truly feel nothing.
I want to look in the mirror and see,
An empty motionless body.
Looking at me.
I'm already a ghost.
Just covered in decaying flesh.
I'm melting
My limbs are crawling
My heart,
What heart?
You've let me down again.
Seems like lyfe hates me,
To the bitter end...

Fill... Fill... Set back... Fill...
Life has become a repeat.
Of past anomalies and tremendous defeat.
Fill. Fill. Set back. Empty?
The things I come cross everyday.
Which are new to me in every way.
Fill me with new content to stay.
In my mind for just one day.
Full...
With no new knowledge to learn.
One can only yearn.
For more 'unknown days' to pass and lay here waisting away on soft grass.

Things started out so simple.
Loves open heart was a window.
Of unexplored opportunities both humble and nimble.
I'm still young stupid and translucent.
To the eyes of the experienced I'm a nuisance.
A beginner hanging from the ropes.
Caught up in the high hopes.
Of the simple obvious oblivious obliquity, Of lyfes trajectory.
Falling from the sky,
Knowing I'll never reach this high,
Again.
Soon.
Maybe.
Later.
Loves equator.
Has made me sink.
So to the depths cheers.
I drink,
To you.

And maybe a goodbye is all I'll ever miss.
And I'll offer you these words instead of one last kiss.
And I'll offer you these secrets like lullaby's.
So you'll have something to sing you to sleep besides my tears.
And I've now bestowed upon your crescent shaped ears.
A love I'll never find again.
Parting with you was my greatest fear.
Now I'll die alone like all those sailors that sung you to sleep.
Just before they realized you were a siren hidden below the deep.

So submerge me till my head is buried long beneath the tidal waves of our hearts lost desires.

And mend my flesh like I knew you would when I opened my heart large enough to let you swim in it.

I just didn't think you'd set fire to the ocean but you conquered the impossible to me.
When I realized I still had room for love.
So thank you for sending that rush to my blood. One last time.
No let me close my heart again, to the ocean deep.

I find myself trying to ger your attention
And I find it hilarious how you once said,
'You'll always have my attention, no matter the pretention'
Look how the tables have turned.
It's different to be on the side,
That one promised you'd never have to abide by.
Its even harder to accept.
That the love they left behind,
The one they said would never deminish
Not even through tough times.
Was a promise made, only by a window of opportunity.
Forcing you to stay.
So now I sit here no longer able to feel.
No longer trusted or judged
Because im starstruck,
By a false promise made.

I think the reason you said no.
Was because I was so unsure of my certainty.

I looked at her and she looked at me.
I, smiling so happily.
She laughed cause you could see the expression on my face.
Clear as day white as snow and just her taste.
The show went on and we held hands.
Screamed **** YEAH like it was our initial plan.
To have fun and enjoy this show put on by many.
However I lost her shortly after because I didn't have any,
Words that followed up "My name is Christian."
She gave me a tight hug and exclaimed in frivolous joy "My names Sidney!"

Like tiny lintel beans full of light your skin shines across the waves of your smile.
Like tiny glimmers of hope I'm captivated by my sensation my intuitive fixation on love.
Like a pirate lost to sea I fall in love with the ocean when I never had sea legs to begin with.
Glimmers are reflected.
Like your taste in music and taste in habits and taste in speech and distaste in me.
Glimmers given false hope to sailors tormented by the sea.

She was so gorgeous
I couldn't make out the words that left her luscious lips.
And it wasn't because of the ignorant audio that already dulled out my senses.
This girl was every word that describes beautiful.
This girl was every word that describes that feeling you get when you drink a glass of water after a hot summer day.
Refreshing.
Refreshing in the sense that she cleared my head with the words she spoke.
My mindlesness lead with a chuckle and a slight nod signifying that I heard her when in reality I hadn't.
My nod only meant I understand you're perfect in my eyes.
And maybe an understanding nod was every word she wanted to hear.

You're so ******* beautiful. I just wish I could tell you when your talking. But I wouldn't wanna let you know I'm missing a couple of words you're saying in between cause I'm to busy staring at you.

Day after day she sat in the rain.
Why're you alone?
He asked.
Because I've got no where to stay.
Well I've got a place free of charge.
I wouldnt wanna be a burden,
Besides I'm tired of hurtin.
You tired of the lies?
Like a false truth?
No just tired of closing my eyes,
To see.
A world o hurt surrounding me.
Well its safe in my heart,
Besides I got no home too.
Maybe you could come stay?
And I'll have a home for two.
That's what what they all say,
But they never stay.
I'm not a bird,
Not meant to be inna cage.
Locked behind bars,
Nah, don't want it that way.
Besides I've become so used to the rain.
I've got coats and a heart that'll heal yours?
I know I don't got much,
But I know if you were there I wouldnt need
A sunny smile, or a fake company.
Then I'll take your offer.
But you must promise me.
Never live in my heart until im comfortable in yours.
She said.
Which is a poem of why her hearts now dead.

I walked right past you
If not for the void filled hallway
I would've stopped
And said please stay.
Let's talk
But not another second passed
Its like watching an hour glass,
Knowing what comes at the end,
But not being able to stop it
Time doesn't bend.
Instead I blurted out a quick 'hey'
And both our faces containing dismay.
You quickly flashed the same smile I adored.
And I passed one back wondering what you were waiting for?
I knew the hourglass was running low.
And the smile you shined me had lost it's glow.
Once again time had passed
And there was nothing,
Not even a grain of sand.
Left in our forever ending hourglass.
That seemed to go as fast as an infinite mass.

I used to be so sure about love.
I used to know what my heart wanted but now it seem I just run from.
Every chance I touch someone's skin,
Its just poisoning me and letting hateful thoughts sink in.
And I don't know what it's like to not be crushed everytime.
And I don't know what it's like to not be hurt every time.
And I'm starting to question every night,
Before I sleep.
Is love alive?
Or is it just me?

I think i rushed it
I think i blew it
Sky high and right when i thought i knew it.
It was too easy.
To fall in love.
I should've seen it and learned from my past.
I didn't mean to make it rush. 
I just was so tired of being alone.
I wish i could tell you these words.
I wish things were different.
I wish i learned.
I wish it was different.

Who was it?
There was someone always here...
I forgot them again...
I've been so focused on myself.
I've been so self centered and egotistical.
I forgot your name.
I know I love you.
I know I miss you.
But that's all I can remember?
I hate this feeling.
I know you were with me through everything...
But now you're gone again..
I've forgotten you.

Love come back.

Everybody loved her and I didn't understand why.
She was a klutz a jester,
That laughed to pass time.
And I was annoyed of the world for reasons not known.
Maybe that's how I feel for her,
Because her laugh was like mine.
And I never knew it until I picked her up for our first ride.
And she was free like my imagination of adulthood.
The car ride was quite with my voice.
But riddled with her laughter.
And I was so confused,
About whether it was genuine or plastered.
So I cleaned my head and the car ride was still.
Until
She felt comfortable enough to share with me,
The world she had built.

And all I want to know is your world.
If you'd let me explore it.

When the timings all wrong I'll know it's write.
Like the vows in your name.
Please be mine.

I Just wanna love you.
With endless meadows of color.
While the hills are green.
And I'm staring up at my brown eyed lover.

Let's be happy let's be together.
I just want to give everything.
To have her forever.

And it hurts so hard sometimes
Knowing I can't hold you,
Knowing it's not what you want.
But I just wanna love you.

Please tell me the harm in that.
Because this hurts so real.
I'm touching the sun
I'm touching but I can't feel.
And my fingertips are scorched but this loves surreal.

I just wanna love her.
I just wanna love her.

An empty room.
Like pressing pause on a movie the picture is still.
But there's no control over the scene with a remote.
Just paused.
Sitting alone.
The silence grips the back of your throat but you elate.
It's not the feeling of chocking but the feeling of something you've been through a million times.
Familiarity.
You're not scared of the paused screen.
You've been here before.
You're going to be okay...
You're going to be fine.
I promise you.
No matter how loud the hallway gets.
How distance that checking feeling grips.
It will eventually. fade.
If you're willing to let it.
Dont be the illusion.
Be the present.
Dont feed the conclusions.
Feed your own personal heaven.
Sit. Listen. Fear. Every thought.
Every slice of hatred. Every tinge of emotions that shoots through your head. And let it .. live. Not control you, just let it breathe. Let it exist. The pain, the hurt, The love, the hate. Let it go.
You'll be okay.. I promise.

Honestly I wish I was the same.
Despite all our rough battles and loves bitter dismay.
I just may have forgotten who I am.
Just a former shell of the ghost hidden within.
I've become a monster.
Riddled with thick skin.

I've run our of reason to care
There's not much of a point for anything anymore.
Everything seems so mute of lost pursuit I'm not in the mood to deal with life.
I can't handle this love these fights.
I'm starting to lose sight of what's wrong vs what's right.
Not that I ever had a good vision to start with.
The lines are blurred and my time is stirred.
I hate the way I feel,
Alone and empty.
I don't know what it'll take to feel the same way, before they left me.
For now I'll forget the feeling.
I'll ignore the fore warning the message the epics.
I'll try to forward a future.
And hope I can see past this hate.
Even if it's destined to be my fate.

There's a reason for everything I do.
Which is a statment I can conclude,
But first, before I start a new.
I'll ask, why do you let your past follow you?
Just because  it's a reflection?
Your mirrior.
Something you never look forward too,
But something that'll always haunt and taunt.
Looking in the mirrior  suddenley reminds,
Life is extremley unfair, no matter the time.
I've been through the past and im stuck in the present.
You'll never know what comes ahead.
So stop looking back with so much resent.
When there's a future, so unknown but pure.
The past is a memory not a cure.
Just because you've left so much love,
Does not mean you should peel feathers from a dove,
No matter how many feathers you pick,
They won't substitute the rock solid hatred that's decided to stick.
I know you miss the words so soft that clinged.
I love you,
No you dont,
This time you can finally be relieved.
Cause the past is just a wondering ghost.
That choses to re live,
Even the most horrible stories.
Just because they're stories he'd never give.
So long with him now here comes the greates fear.
But the futures the future,
I've got time to wait it's no where near.
Just because I mentioned the past as a ghost.
Doesnt mean you won't love the present the most.
There's a reason for everything you do.
Which is a statment...
Only you can conclused.

Let's fall asleep under the same sky.
And wake up buried in each others treasures.

So I'll leave you with this letter.
I'll give you all my love and hope.
Knowing you deserve better.
Knowing heaven is your door and I am the one stopping you from ascending more.
Because you were my angel.
You were my ticket.
You were the reason I never saw the sky as a limit.
I kissed it  
Every morning.
I accomplished the impossible like you were the most probable thing I'd ever cherish.
You were the sun and I was the moon and there's no way in hell I'd ever have currents.
The decisions I've made make you feel worthless.
Even when all I wanted to do was make you feel the earth surface.
I wanted too see you shine.
I wanted your love twice.
I wanted so much but I'll have to settle with the mice.
I'll have to settle with every mistake I've made.
I'll leave you the key so you can bury this case.
So I can leave this place.
So you never have to live with my mistakes.
I love you.
I'm sorry.
Goodbye.

Sometimes I get into this lyfe style. A lyfe style of remorse for feeling bad for myself. A lyfe style of projecting my loneliness on others and trying to title a book titled "The times I've broken my heart". And that's just the start of the story.

 It seems I was walking home one day and the oncoming traffic of the overhead displayed a sign that read "You've caught feelings today" my love was expressed through the form of tears. Or "white lies" I guess you could say because my tears are invisible to others and they're lies disguised till this day like the dust bunnies you sweep under a rug. And I know I messed up by talking to you so much. Because that was my first mistake. Getting attached is the quickest way to getting heartbreak. But to me its something more.

 You see I'm a mold of clay passed around for the whole elementary class to see. Some people jam their fingers in me and others mold me completely differently until no one can even realize I'm playdough so instead I'm just tossed away.

Or an even better one. We'll start with the cliche "I'm a towel put out to dry" but my owner never returned so instead my skin just bleached in the winter and I withered away into a line cloth that eventually floated a stray... Or maybe I was swallowed up by the lies of others who told me I was something more than an eroded piece of ripped line cloth clay.

Whatever the matter I'm an endangered endangerment to myself. I'm not suicidal but my thoughts tell me otherwise. Have you ever looked in a mirror and seen you're two bad sides holding each others hands? Singing lullaby's about how you're lyfes demands are mediocre and no were near ideal. You're a joke to the joker and even worse you're a joke to the ones around you who only see your smile.

 Because they don't even know who you truly are. Maybe if you put away the childish dreams of falling in love and picked up an adult magazine to hide forever any sort of horseplay that comes along with being alone, and being so weak to love.

And maybe that's just it. I'm to weak for love but, I'm to weak to be loved. So maybe my fake strength can offer me an attribute to this loneliness. Or maybe I'll just make a new title and call it "Moving on and moving away"

Its just I easily succumb to the idea of love. And it seems everyone around me doesn't feel the same. So I guess I'll just remain here as dried up shriveled line cloth clay.

Because you come in the hum of a familiar song.
It's always at night and it lingers just to terrify my fright.
I'm not concerned with how it sounds, but why it won't go away.
Why most songs I know refuse to leave and only worsen when they stay.
It's never intentional but the lack of intent it inflects and infects the left over flesh I have revealed from these wounds left.
Because if I wear my emotions on my sleeves then there's not enough skin left to even bruise.
I don't hold the past far above my head,
So I don't understand why I believe parts of me are dead.
I just know when I was with you is when I felt so alive.
So why can't I seem to feel that way again.
So it's all the same and I listen to the past to feel the pain, but my nerves don't react the same because I live in the present so why won't the pensions dissolve I have resolve I got it solved I'm sick of this hole.
And the candle burns at both ends.
Mending the emotions and the forgetful notions of hopes sent.
I just wish I had answers, but the more I ask the more I have questions.
It seeme like life wants me to stay guessin, or at least I can fool it and pretend.
By learning nothing and staying silent and bearing this suffering when I hear your song end.
So it never does.
Even after I fall in love.
Maybe all wounds heal the same way, but others tend to stay longer than they'd like to explain.
Because being in love with you was a vacant room, I lived idly through day by day.
The warm colors were the only other reasons I had to live for back then.
When food had no taste, but your lips stained my face and I could never hope to find that same place, or purpose in anyone else.
So please don't leave a stain.
Next time I let someone in I won't beg them to stay or throw a parade when they say our times up and the only love I'll leave you with is lies.
So I'll part my finally goodbyes when I've grown and shown you all that I'm no longer.
Founder and stronger.
I choose to live in the present.

Hey beautiful.

Whoever you are my heart belongs with you.
I'm sorry I'm numb now.
I didn't mean to it just seems life's given me no other option.
I know your smiles out there I've seen it a thousand times
And a thousand more times I'll see it again.
But when is it truly yours?
When will you ever return that feeling of love to me?
Of lost love.
True lost at sea.
My true love return to me.
Before I die wasting away to this rotting world feeding me.

This voyage.
This wonderous emporium of unimaginable feelings has come to a trifling hault.
The natural hot springs dried up.
And like ever bristle on a tooth brush my feelings have been plucked.
Just my luck.
And maybe it was never the tell tale of an oceans sigh breathing down my heart
Signaling an alarm of emotion ships to sway down a never ending voyage of teenage hormones.
But maybe it was my belief of kept unharmed untouchable innocence treated as untreatable waters for a no mans land to reserve the perseverance perceived child like humor and gestures adults lack.
I'm left sorrowful as the sun without any civilian's to share its rays.
But more like chimney smoke releasing toxic fumes into my mind not realizing the damage they've done to the ozone layer of my heart.
When alas the ships have returned to a now land known not.
And feelings of once no mans land, yet to forever be forgot.
I'll have missed that long journey's trip that tore apart my heart.
And made me an adult.



-I miss falling in love sometimes.

There was a taste on my tongue
There was a rise in my gut
There was a scent in the air
There was a goodbye I missed somewhere
But from who?
Has it been that long?
I loved you whoever you were.
Come back because lately I've forgot.
What's it's like to be me...

Do I reply back?
Or do I let go?
Why are my emotions so out of control?
Why do I see ghosts every time something goes wrong?
Its like there's a sign singing me a song.
Its like there's an island out there,
Buried with treasure.
But I'll never find it.
Cause I'm buried in elusive pleasure.
I'm blinded by what I don't have.
Its like a mirage in the sad sand.
Its like dead birds plummeting to the ground.
The sad part is I can no longer hear the sound.
Of the music calling to me.
**** IM TRULY LOST AT SEA.
PLEASE OH PLEASE
SOMEONE HELP ME!
I HEAR THE SIRENS ECHO SOUND
THEY'RE ONLY GETTING CLOSER TO SHUT ME DOWN
TO SINK MY BOAT AND CRASH MY LYFE.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'VE DONE THIS TWICE.
TAKE THE DROWNING FEELING FROM MY HEAD.
AND SINK ME UNDER...
  
So I'm dead...

I'm not going to even try.



    -David Leviathan(The Lovers Dictionary)

They say singing is a reflection of your soul.
Maybe that's why I'm a terrible singer.
They also say writing your problems on paper is a way to let your demons out.
Maybe that's why I never have anything good to write.

You can't even trust me
Not with a single thing
Or so it seems.
I've been hiding in such clear sight.
Hoping you might
Love me.
Once again.
What am I waiting for?
How much do you want more?
You told me to wait,
And to not instigate.
So I watched from a view so far
Sat on my balcony
Tried so hard not to plea.
For help?
But if its love why would I need help?
I hold so much content.
Over every incident
Yet these feelings dont wasnt to stay.
I love what I lost,
But I lost what I love.

I've got to start using my heart.
I've got to stop seeing with my mind,
And believing my wild accusations.
I'm pointing fingers with 4 fingers pointed back at me.
I'm blamimg people who only have love for me.
Who only see the good in me just to prove them wrong the next day.
Before I thought it was the winter that was making me cold but I didn't realize my heart was only freezing because I stopped using it.
And because of that I've frozen the only rose that bloomed even through the harsh weather.
All I do is blame others for the frost bite growing in my soul.
I never let them in to at least start the furnace etched into the hotel rooms they've etched into my heart.
And for that I'm sorry my beautiful rose.
I wish I could be the one to watch you bloom again.