Sitting here alone.
Well, except for the continuous ringing of my cell phone.
I don't want to hear you whine or moan.

It hurts me too y'know?
One of hardest things that we have to do is learn when to let go.

Our time has gone, yes this is true.
There is simply nothing more you or I can do.

While at times we had a blast.
We didn't make it last.
But the past is the past.

Your texts say that you wanna stop by.
Just to say "Hi."
Now we both know that's a lie.
You start analyzing everything, "If....But...Babe.....Why?"

"NO! NO! NO! Please will you just stop?!"
I scream then to my knees I do drop.

You stand stock still.
As realization hits, the air develops a deathly chill.

If looks could ****. I'd be dead.
With a decapitated head.

Then you just walk away.
Escaping the fray.

And yet I hope we become friends again one day.

So yeah uhm hi.
I don’t know why I suddenly feel this shy….
‘Kay lemme give this a try.
 
Usually my words come easily to me.
Quick, fast and free.
But today they have chosen to disperse.
And their timing couldn't have been worse.
 
How can I begin?
With your little cute baby-like chin?
Or your sinfully hot **** voice?
Miss Callaghan, you are presenting me with a very difficult choice.
 
When your blue eyes meet my green……
Well heck I think that they are the most beautiful pair I have ever seen.
 
Every time that you speak.
I just wanna giggle and squeak.
Just one magical look in my direction and my knees go weak.
 
When I’m tearful you instantly wrap me up in your insanely strong arms.
And every so softly start stroking slow soothing circles on my back with your palms.

Your heartbeat.
I could listen to on repeat.
Come rain, shine or sleet.

You’re here? You’re here? Please, I need you near.

Between us distance should not exist.
That would be way too much of a risk.
Your hands travel the circumference of my face.
As you endeavour to memorize every last trace.

Your left index finger.
It stops to linger.
It’s destination?....
My bottom lip.
While your right hand gently ends its trip.
Finding its place, tenderly resting on my hip.

You slowly move your face closer to mine.
It takes all of my strength not to release what I feel can only be described as a pleading whine.

As our lips finally meet.
It is slow. It is delicate. It is sweet.
With this one kiss, I've been completely swept off of my feet.

As the connection is broken.
It feels like an eternity before any words are spoken.
Well there were no words per say. Just quiet mumbles of laughter.
And the wide smiles spread across our faces soon after.
Then I feel myself being pulled into a huge hug.
I bet that there are very few people that know that you can be a complete soft lug.

Every tiny little interaction.
Only assists in strengthening my seemingly ever-growing attraction.

You are my day, you are my night.
Everything with you just feels one hundred per cent right.

Now that I think my feelings towards you have been made clear.
The question ask you here, I ask without fear.

With these last thee lines, my poem reaches it's end.
Lindsay Rebecca Callaghan will you please do me the greatest honour of becoming my girlfriend??

What I said.
That should’ve stayed in my head.

If I'm completely honest I am angry but definitely not with you.
I'm so lost; I just don’t know what the hell I'm supposed to do.

I can’t stand this lack of control.

He’s constantly there; circling in my head. Watching me.
He’s never gonna stop. I know that I’ll never be free.
No matter how much or how loud I plea.

I’ve never known a pain that hurts so greatly.

The internal pressure is always increasing.
Instead of ceasing.

I pray for forgiveness every single day.
With the hope that one day I’ll no longer have to pay.

I did exactly what I was told.
I so desperately want to be released from his never-ending choke hold.
I used to be so cheerful. Now I'm just ridiculously fearful.
I now feel nothing; numb. Cold.
Dead at 16 years old.

They refer to me as “The Mystery”
Such a clouded history.

They say that I’m a closed book.
But maybe that’s just because not enough time was took,

They see me as a mammoth task.
When really all they have to do is ask.

One mistake is all it did take.
Now I only seem to shake.
So much sometimes that it can look fake.

Asking for help.
With a whimper or a yelp.

Heart wrenched.
Jaw clenched.
Forehead sweat drenched.

Keep hearing that evil voice,
But it appears not to be a conscious choice.

Tainted at such a young age,
So hateful and full of undiluted rage.
Now confined to this “cage.”

Unwanted and unloved,
Constantly just pushed, pulled and shoved.

I am a curse.
“Please, just put me in my hearse!”

You're the one that’s always there.
You don’t judge, you don’t laugh and you don’t stare.
You make me so happy. No more feeling ******.

The feeling you give me, it’s unlike any other.
It’s not like a lover, mother or a brother.

You are truly one of a kind.
Such an open mind.
You see when everyone else is blind.

You know me inside and out.
Of that I have no doubt.

You never intentionally pry.
You never make me cry.
You say: “Hey, the important thing is that you DID try.”

You always make time for me.
Whether it’s about something serious.
Or “*** I've just seen Glee!!”

I bet when you see my name flash across your screen.
You think: Oh no here comes little miss drama queen!
That or: Oh ****!! Queue the ****** teen.

You love me no matter what
With everythin’ that ya got!

Even when I falter.
Hell, you endure my alter!

You’re the light in the dark.
You're helping me reignite my internal spark.
When I say: “I think I've lost it, now more than ever…..”
You say: “No sweetie, never.”

The bond that we have formed, I will treasure.
You are my big sister Sam, always and forever.

The mind can be devious.
Sometimes far worse than just being plain mischievous.

Heart racing, thoughts chasing, fast pacing.
Back and forth, up and down.
From a smile to a frown.

Feeling everything – HYPERSENSITIVE!!!
Every step you take is super tentative.

Scream, shout and cry,
You can’t stop it no matter how hard you try.

“PLEASE STOP I…I...CAN’T BREATHE!!”
You managed to stutter out even though your chest did so heave.
Eyes pressed up against an already tear- soaked sleeve.

Curled up in a tight ball.
Facing a blank wall.

Knuckles white.
An external show of the internal fight.

The monster inside is dying to be let loose,
Ready and waiting to send you straight to the nearest noose.

All your muscles tense.
Your body is in a constant state of suspense.

You hear a loud knock.
Followed the unmistakable twisting of a key in the door lock  
Instinctive your head snaps up to the clock.

You turn your eyes skyward as sign of gratitude.
Knowing the physician on the other side can subside your minds’ hellishly destructive attitude.

And one simple push of that magical plunger.

You slowly start to slip into a world of unconscious wonder.
No more internal storms. lightning or thunder.

The doctor enters with a small smile.
Knowing that his next actions will bring you relief, even if it’s just for a while.

“Thank y-you.”
“Shhh…S’okay it’s what I do.”

Reflection, reflection how can this be?
Who is this girl staring back at me?*

Her face full of doubt and disbelief.
Who is responsible for stealing her innocence?
Who is her confidence thief?

Her skin pale, eyes dark.
She couldn't stop herself from being fixated on one of the spots where he left his mark.
The differences in her now were stark.
She was once happy, at times even elated
Now she felt debilitated, scared and hated.

Now all she wants to do is go to bed.
Lie down to rest her head.
But as soon as she closes her eyes the dreams that she has are full of fright and dread.
The miserable nightmares unfolding in her head, make her wish that she was dead.

All the memories are still there just hanging in the air.
Every sight, sound, touch and even his god awful disgusting taste.
Every single thing left its trace.