Im sorry im a *******. Always stressing you. Your a free bird. A free sea bird. Meant to fly high and travel far. You're destiny is far greater than mine. You're meant for better things. I don't deserve you. I hope one day you spread your wings and fly like the beautiful yellow bird you are......

You're a gift from god. Or someone up above. I've held you down for to long......


So I set you free, my butterfly baby. Im so ****** up, I can't live in those world. Im meant for outer space. A dark and cold and deep place.... for my soul to rest... I'll never be what you think I am. I'll never be your strong man.

Im sorry for all the writing. I've just lost myself in the sorrow of what I've become.

A space seemed to be filled. With what? Who knows?
It's not me.
Inside my head.
A demon it might be?
I'm not sure.
Doubtful in myself, yet hopeful for everyone else.
Split down the middle, between love and hate.
Wandering while wasting away.
Shadowed in my own shame.

Forever lingering on the cusp of Love and Hate, within myself.
Forever searching in the abyss, in everyone.
To see which ones deep and dark like mine.

Why feel anything at all if, at any moment, it, your life, your love, everything, is subject to change at the drop of a pen, at the blink of an eye, at the flutter of a doves feather. Forever is a lie.. A lie told with first loves or friendships. The only thing that is constant is death........

There are many things that have stayed forever true.
In music.
Music.
Has supported us, brightened us, strengthened us, moved us.
Most importantly, it has pushed us.
Some to our ends.............................................................­.......................................
Some to our beginnings........^....^.......^.....^....^...^....^.....^..^.^..­^..^^^^^^^^^^
Music has away of bringing us all together, no matter the weather.
One thing is true to me you can't take the love outta the blues.

I said I need someone.
I said I need someone to bring me water from the sun.
Someone to bring me fulfillment.
Someone I can be still with.


Is there water on the sun?
Or am I dreaming up, some ****** babble *******.
The Talking Heads once side "There is water at the bottom of the ocean"
So why can't there be water in the center of the sun?

Questions? Forever to linger in thee abyss of my mind.
Answers? Forever to seek out thee ending.
Knowledge? Forever realizing that everything and everyone.
ARE ONLY TEMPORARY.....

Let it go.
Free yourself.
Don't be stepped on.
Any longer.
Be real.
Be raw.
Be honest.
Not only to others but, be fully honest to yourself.
Be aware, always.
Be strong, always.
And no that the moment is in the here and now.
Not tomorrow.
Not next week.
Now.
Right now.
Just be.

Judge not, before you fool yourself.
Everyone feels.
What they so despreatly try to show.
Explain all that you can.
Waste the precious air that is still free.
For now.
Never fear that the adventures will end.
Always think of how another one is soon to begin.

To break the chains.
Chains holding us down.
Downing and drowning in all we can.
To escape.
The fear we have.
Question everything.
Everything and anything.
That does not give you some sort of a release.
An escape......

To breathe fire into your life.
To see love light your life.
To be love.
To be growth.
To be forever passionate.
For all the beauty that is needed.
Is.
Simpily.
All.
Around.
Us.

The first page of the story. Tells you nothing of how it will end.

I am addicted to you.
I am addicted to happiness.
Happiness I find in the taste.
The taste of you.


I am addicted to the sensation of your skin against mine.
The taste of your lips against my lips, constantly linger.
The simplicity of my addiction for this being, is unimaginable.
The simple smell of her perfume, the way she holds herself.


My addiction goes deeper than just physical meanings.
My addiction runs to my soul.
This addiction, which we call love, ether way it's the same way.
Consumes me, It fulfills my deepest desires.


My addiction will be the end of me.
It will suffocate me and drain me, until I am no more.
Sadness and realization go hand in hand, both make you stronger.
My addiction is life, love, happiness, pain, sorrow, and to never leave someone behind, never betray them....

This isn't your regular type of poem or free writing.
This is a cry out.
To all of those who are in need.
In need of a helping hand.

For those who are in need of a simple listener.
A heart to bend with.
A heart to break with.
For those who have longed to find a pure connection.


I am a friend to those seeking a friend.
I am the constant pull and push, between the tides.
I am the searching, forever lingering Feeling of lust on everyones tongue.
I am the monster we all try to hide.


Seeking is to finding as finding is to seeking.
If that makes sense to you at all.
An obsession in your heart that consumes you, fully.
Is something you can share with a friend.


I am Joshua Wayne Haines.
Seeking a friend for the end of the world.'
I trust in you as you trust in me.
Forever, we will live on with chaos.
In our minds, with hope in our hearts.

Funny how the good/nice guy never gets the cake and always finishes last. Im bound to always be on the side lines. What the **** is the point in caring when all you care for is tainted, battered and ruined. ******* hopeless romantic os all I'll ever be. Mainly hopeless. For the fact that I have yet to find another. Whos true. Whos real. It's all a lie, everything. My generation was rasied on lies, built upon death, greed and failure. We'll never know peace. It's a wasted youth, I'm a wasted soul, alike many others. Still hopeful for the end, the last suffering, the final cut on the lifeline. Eternal darkness.........Finally.....Peace.

To the sea we must go
To be free we must fly
To live we must learn
To love we must die

I've dreamt of an angel
An angel like you
Of love and life
And total gratitude

I've seen pure gold
Bleed from your mouth
Speaking words of love
Into my soul

You are the beating in my heart
You are the luxury of my life
You are the keeper of my soul
You are the only one I wanna grow old with. For you are the holy ground I float upon. Take my hand and walk with me through love, life and the struggles we will face and will overcome. Because once it's us together, we can face any storm and bare any weather. I am forever in your grasp, holding time at a stand still untill our love and dreams are fulfilled.

The eyes are the keeper of the soul, looking into your eyes I see pain that has yet to come, happiness that you long for, saddness that yoi carry with you like a 10 ton whale. I wish I could take it all away for you, and I would if you'd just let me in. At times I dont feel sorry for the low blows I throw because the truth ******* hurts, and I am seeing the truth now, that I am nothing but a midnight snack or a dream that never fully came true. It's so hard some days to deal with all these thoughts, wants and needs, and dreams that I am trying so hard to make real yet I feel you have done nothing, just stood there as real love passes by.

I always have to remind myself that you're not my girlfriend, I said you were the other day and it felt so good, yet it hurt so bad, and hasn't left my lips again. When will I love you be true, when will this shadow of doubt leave me alone. I'd hate to see you hurt but I know I could heal you again. All I ask is for love, somethings that's real and not this midnight love affair. Im not this book you've read, I am real and I am hurt everyday. Every I love you feel likes a lie. Yet I want to feel it is true. I wish you would have the courage to end it.

The heart is wrapped in a cage
Yet it flows freely with love.

The mind wanders freely to thoughts in the abyss, the dark place in your mind where you hold all your wicked thiughts and dreams and memories.
My mind seems to always dwell there. I break free for a minute or two but it's back again and heavier than ever.

Seeking help through pills, people, drinks and music, to ease the strain. In the end though I have only myself to blame.

I just want to die than to feel pain like this again.

I wish to let her go
I want to let her go
I want to give up

If I am to give up, than I am every other man in her life.
I truly dont think I could give up on you.
I can lose myself trying to get you
I wont lose myself, unless I lose myself inside your heart and soul.

What love Ive given you is wasted
What longing I have for you is wasted
Wasted is what you get, when you wanna forget.
But what you forget is that lifes too short to love someone who doesnt love you back.
But what is funny to me. Is I should be telling myself that.

You are the weakness I don't need
You are the sickness I feel
You are my wants and needs
You are everything in between
You are some of what im missing
You are the suffering I feel
You are what makes me real
You love him and NOT me
So let me go
Or set him free

I am at war with myself
Questioning everything
Questioning love, life and death
I just want to sink myself into you
Sink myself into your soul
Disappear into love.
I have longed for a love we have in store
I am ready
Ready, for you to let me in.
Ready to love you.
I know I am crazy at times
I KNOW I can be rough
Never fear me dear
I am your gentle lion king
I am yours to mend or to break
But for now I stand still
Stand still, while I am passed up again and again again.

The sea has always had a way of taking our breathe away, yet you are not the sea but when I am with you I am breathless by the sea. When we set off into the sea of love, rising every morning with the sunshine of love and laying down every night to the lust of the moon light. I love you sea and I want to sail with you for the rest of our days.

For once I wish
That you would kiss
These lips of mine
Just for a moment in time

To feel the rush of ecstasy
To save the time before it slips from me
To have you fully, deeply, presently
To shake thee earth with our feet

Share with you my only heart
Hoping to never grow apart
I am all I'll ever be
Sink with me into eternity

My mother has always told me to know my worth in someones life, and as I have grown I have noticed that only a certain few do I come first, which is sad to me. I am always using myself up for those who wouldnt use an 8th of theirself for me, not that I want anyone to use theirself fully up for me, but to really feel like I matter in someone life would be to die for, **** even if I had to die for some to realize that I was worth it all along. Thats why I try to show love and let others know the love I have for them. Not all take it seriously but love is serious, love is a power, stronger than iron, steel, or any other object that can take a beating or hold its own. But with the feeling of being second best it makes me feel angry, wasted, used, forgotten. But then I think of what my mother has said, know your worth, know you are worth the love you want and desreve. Return to yourself with love you have givin others, I am slowly learning my worth, slowly learning that I must stand tall and not be weak and take the love I want and don't want. What's left if for the other to know their worth and their strength. Know you are worth the love you want, know you are worth the love you need, be free with your heart and within yourself.

I swear it seems like I can never escape this rut I fall into, always digging a little deeper, slowly losing sight of the light, no ladder to pull myself out, so I sit in this rut, cheeing my nails until they've bled, racing my thoughts until I am dead. I am so sick of feeling high and then low, high then low. I think if death a bit too much, as if today will be my last day, one swift move of the wheel and BAM! I am free, but really I wouldnt be free. I'd be stuck once again in a rut, called my grave.

Well to try and sum it up my mind is like a hamster on its wheel, constantly running, never stopping, running until the bearings bust and the wheel flys off in its soft bedding. Thats basically how my mind works. Im in the lead yet I am always last to finish, something, someone is always pulling me back, could it be its my wicked mind losing its pace. I keep telling myself its just a game but I know its not. For I forgot what it is to feel young again, time has crept up along side me in the race and is slowly working its way to the front.

Its about time we dig ourself a lil deeper in the hole we call our home.

Shimmering lights, flashing in and out.
A glimpse into the sea.
Should I ever love another, could it be?
Time and life invested in a endless love.
For you are my only drug.
Sharing with you my wildest dreams.
Making sure to sew all the seams.
I could never stray away, being with you is like heaven. Endless understanding, from me to you, and this is a small bit of how it is to love an angel like you!

To love someone is an adventure. To place your heart upon a mantle, exposing it to daggers and knives is the easiest part to succeeding at love. Love is nothing but a game of chess. Planning your every move, making sure you move two steps forward and not two steps back. Losing a piece every single move. The bishop , the knight and pawns all gone. But the board is becoming clearer and the queen is visible at last. Checkmate.

Simplicity is love
Companionship is life
Greed is evil
Live so we are happy
Live so that we are free
Breathe as if it's your last
Love as if it's never came your way

It's like a heard of sick cattle. Not mentally fit for the race of life. Sent here to be watched, treated, poked and pushed. Pumped full of ******* lies and pills, pills rioting away your insides slowly, what a lovely life. Our minds are wrapped like little pigs in a blanket, all warm and cozy, thinking we're safe. That was a lie too.

In the end were all to blame, in the end we'll all be insane.
We go through this life, some suffering over sadness, madness or jealously. I am not one to speak like I am some prophet but I've felt enough of all three, to know a little something. You must find peace and seek out positive energies, look for the happiness in everyones smile, even when you can see right through that ****** cover up. We should al love each other, not only for our differences but for all that we are because in the end we all lie the same way in our graves.

I've got a heart full of blues, trying to live a life with no rules. All we are is wasted fools, running from the bulls. Feeling life's push and pulls as we reach the crest of this mountain. It's been a hard climb. When you feel yourself slip, don't forget to grab ahold of what beauty your life holds for you. Some of us are forever running, running from things that seem so monstrous but in the end, we find that it was just our wicked thoughts tugging and dragging you to the bottom again, if you find yourself there once again. Well, just look up, have hope and climb again.

You can tell I've gone mad, off my rocker, bonkers. Constant  race with myself, for what, I am not sure. Feel her warmth while you can, come morning time she'll surely be gone. Lost in a haze, bent for hell bound. Summer born, into a fiery heart. It's tough living without  a part of my heart. To start is not to begin but to simply MAKE A NEW MEMORY WITH ANOTHER.....

"It's 2am, I'm drunk again, it's heavy on my mind"

As the cold breeze blows on this frozen night in Virginia. I sit, tucked away in my mind, for I know now that our love has run cold. It has grown old and tired. It has given it's final call. The flame, once burned so bright with lustful passion and warmth. Now burnt out and nothing left but a pile of ashes. From the ashes brings a new flame, burning deep down inside. A flame so mesmerizing and full of warmth it can consume you within a matter of seconds.

What I have come to find out is that the mind is the real killer of your body and soul. Yet all those things listed above can be beaten to a pulp and some how build back up, even stronger. What happens when theming has had enough, enough of the everyday, non-stop madness running rapid in our heads. What should one do when his mind has tapped out.

I used to believe the phrase "everything happens for a reason" was a crock of ****. A phrase used to get one out of a situation, like a hint to change the subject or get over it. Now I know it's true. I've realized what didn't happen or what did happen, happened so that this or that could fall into place for you, it's about not forcing things to go exactly as you would like them to and just kinda letting it go for itself. Knowing that everyday to come is a new journey, a new surprise. That's the beauty of life, all the surprises that are never ending... Until your dead of course.  You've just gotta find your own way to see that things are right where they are meant to be in this moment. Trust in yourself, study your heart and your mind, and love with all you've got to give.

Music, it moves us in ways most things will never be able to. Music is a true healer to us all, it's what keeps us sane, our hide away from it all. Music takes us in and cradles us, holding our minds in another universe. Music that hit the heart is golden and can't be replaced. Music brings you up so high but with the skip of a song can pull you down to the lowest of lows. It'd be illegal if they realized how high it got us. Music is freedom, freedom to express yourself or just lose yourself within the sound waves blasting at your body.

"Love".... It's a horrible yet wonderful attraction. It comes in all sorts of ways. The heart is where I believe everyone's love lies. To open yourself up to this overwhelming feeling, is a big step. Most of us don't even know when we've fallen. The ones who notice, embrace all the positive and welcoming feelings that this one word "Love" brings. They seem to be so much more in depth with themselves and others. I also believe, that we all have our own idea of what love is to ourselves, never really able to fully share that with another, but always knowing it's there is all plus. "Love" to me is understanding, kind, warm and always forgiving. The love some of us search for has been within the whole time. It just takes the rite ones to bring it to surface in your heart. "Love"... It's a sickness, it's a joyful emotion that can bring new life and is shown everyday. That even though there is darkness all around and we as humans are losing this fight, "Love " still shines threw with the brightest light of all.

From what I know so far, is that love is a gentle crush....at first.
That first crush squeezes your heart and mind, sending waves of lust and wonder through your body. That first kiss, never to be replaced, forever locked in that moment. For the lucky ones who find that crush and it's everlasting. I am happy for them. But I believe it's good to fall in and out of love, What is love if you can't ever let it go, let it go and be free, free to live life. Making mistakes, breaking laws and promises. So to those who have found the "one". That's great but do you ever think of what life you could have, would have, maybe should have. don't get old and wish you should've done this or that, be free to do what YOUR heart needs/wants. The clock is ticking...

Its all in us...the consumer... it feeds on the living. Untill the heartbeat has stop. Life has to end to give to another. We all struggle and fustrate one aanother to give more and more... what happens when.. what is givin is gone. All your left with is a storm of chaos, but even within all this,
all this maddness and chaos there is peace.  We all have that one spot, that one place that we can go to too relax and slow down for a minute. This new age, the one I was born into is very questionable...

Do you feel it? The weight of the dirt, may it be upon your shoulders, may it be ipon your grave. All the matters in the end is that we're the same. In my opinion, i think we should all be buried in the earth bare body, that way we all fully givin back to our real mother. I know that we are born of a male and a female. But with out mother earth we would never have a mother, nor a father. So we must give back to our mother earth all that we owe her...

Lost and never to be found, the thickness of the forest is growing more and more as we venture deeper, not knowing what lies beyond the next busch, rock, shadow. But its the ever glowing brightness from the moons shine that keeps my path right on track. Ive been in this forest for years, beaten and battered by the stroms but through it all I have stayed grounded and rooted to life. I dont know if ill ever find my way out, but for now the sounds and beauty of nature shall keep me on my way.

I still believe there is a chance a way to bring this maddness to a stop, I still believe in pure souls within us all, if we could just focus on love and our earth we could see that we can be happy and free, respect is a simple key is unity,  I still believe most of are lost in some way, searching for someone, something, always coming with reach and some force that is outta your hands decided to change it, I still believe in love and companionship, there will come a time when we all will reach out for a helping hand, please, reach back out, give love, give it, until your heart is aching, then love will be given back to you. I hope to help people/animals one day, I just wanna give back, because we all TAKE  so much away from this earth. So like I said I have hopes and dreams and wishes and just want to give love!

Were being consumed by this chaos, lost in the smoke and fire. Everyones always tryin to get higher, I am nothing but a pebble throwin into  the sea, sinking rapidly, no air to breathe. I guess the chaos has consumed me.

We fight with each other
Long and hard
Back and forth
For what I am not sure.

We all want love
In some form
All seeking for a key
For what I am not sure.

Im lost, within myself
Finding my feet again
Trust is growing thin
Death is the one to win.

Im not sure
If I ever make sense
Just a soul lost within
Fighting back and forth
For a prize...
A prize we'll all get in thee end.

Oh how love is like the sea, ever so freeing but so destrutive within minutes.
Breathing with love in your lungs is a powerful feeling, but you can never get enough.
Love lives and is alive within all of us, if we could seek up to the sky and realize we are alive.
Love would be a little easier to find, its really everywhere, just look and let be.
Love is what fixes us all, we all need it, now more then ever...
My heart is heavy at the moment with one love lost but hope still resonates within it.

Lost
Lost for what seems centuries.
Lost and uncertain.

Can it be that maybe I am free.
Once again on my own, with only my mind and me?
Am I to somehow drowned in my misery.

My soul aches for a purpose, to feel, to live, and to be alive.
I say, to live and be alive because I am nothing close to those two.
Heart beaten black in blue, when will my time be through.

With this ****** beating heart, I shall start over again.
Ill build heaven and call it mine.
I know it'll take time...