When you go through repetitive trauma, you may dissociate from it, and feel nothing. You may mistake this dissociation for strength /being tough, however it's just your brain protecting you from the trauma until you can safely process it. When you are safe, after a while you may find yourself reacting to the trauma then, and suddenly feel weak and not understand what is going on, as you previously believed yourself to be coping really well.

My abuser dated two of us at the same time, and he seemed to be pitting us against each other intentionally. Purposefully making us jealous, telling one of us the other had said something horrible about them, banning one of us from being talked about and talking constantly about the other, sparking situations where we would fight.
It felt like we were supposed to compete to be the best partner or something, and one of us would always be getting left behind. In the end, we both left him.

My abuser was a hacker, specifically doing malicious hacking from time to time. He no longer does it very often, but there's lingering paranoia that he might be hacking into any of my devices/accounts at any given time.

After noticing my abuser was posting poetry on this site about what he did, I decided to start my own account out of spite. This poem is directed to him, and how he got away with everything he did by saying "No Comment" at the police interview. if you're reading this, I hope you never hurt anyone else like you hurt us again. Lucky you for getting away with it all.