There is an
eternal winter
that lingers around
my heart.
It beckons with
icy music,
gray clouds, and
marches by Wagner.
Vultures, like ghastly
puppets picking at
my brain.

I drive it away with
sunflowers and walleyes,
fish fries and the gathering
together of friends and saints,
old soldiers that beat the odds,
and the neutered con game.
Leonard Cohen overcame,
and so did I.
Life was playing chess,
While I was playing
checkers.
Well, baby, it's checkmate.

I didn't need lucky bamboo
or a four-leaf clover, I needed to
use the wisdom that God gave me.
I made some changes in my actions.
When I behaved differently, I found
serenity and a Winnie the Pooh and
Piglet sort of happiness.
I was drowning, so I grew gills and
swam away to a river that flowed
through the Million Acre Woods,
and now when I am on land,
I waltz down Love Street.

I am the harmless nutcase
Sweating over you
Almost obsessively
To a high degree
Which really means
A LOT     AND MORE
But you’re the one I’m doing it for
It’s a mind game on me
And maybe on you
Potentially
And knowing this
It’s something I still do
It is exploitation
Really
To use you permisionlessly
I’ve said this before
And continue
Knowingly
Exploiting you
To the benefit of me
Uncredited inspiration
I plagiarize your spirit
Using it
Pretending I know it
Taking liberties
Telling myself some ******* story
You would feel flattered by me
Justification factory
But I’m not hurting anybody
And if anyone asked
I’d credit thee
The perfect muse for a nutcase like me

Are you aware of what’s not there?

We used to talk about
going
to Montana--escaping it all,
building a log cabin and
making a garden.  We were
going to hunt and fish for
food--make rugs and
hats from the fur.

But look at us now.
You live in the
city and drive a Volvo.
Goldfish in a glass bowl.
You even taught your
cat to walk on
a leash.
Can you see the
sky with all the smog?

I'm not any better.
Living under the bridge;
the only hunting I do is
for cans, the rare and
illusive
aluminum nickel, so that
I can buy *****.  

I walk down to the
river's edge and look up at
the expansive sky.
I close my eyes.
And when I open them, baby,
we're in Montana.

I bow to no man, god, nor country,
But for you I would take a knee.
Walk upon a shore of glass
Proclaim vows unto the sea.
A voice once lost in tides,
The winds and ocean swell.
Found again once more upon
Echoed whispers of a shell.

Cleanse me from
the dust of
the night, and
the apocalyptic
visions of my
slumber.
Fish guts, ****, or
insomnia may have
conjured these rotting
skin nightmares,
these mosquitoes from
hell.
I struggled to wake up,
but couldn't, and finally,
while I was flying in
a gray land of desolation,
and killers,
of nighthawks and harpies.
I soared through a
hazy wasteland, and arrived
safely back home
in my serene, August Sabbath.

Fruit tree
did you never think of love,
perhaps you thought too much,
you stripped yourself of leaves to live
and gave of all you had to give,
naked and alone you tried,
so hard to stem that bitter tide
but still the darkness of you grew, inside
until you knew for certain that the war was lost
yet maybe in the doing it was somehow won
a pretty pity that you never found the sun
mellow warmth to melt the frost and make you free
to be the person you were always meant to be