My heart races as I approach,
I sit down on the couch,
Trying to appear casual,
My palms are sticky from sweat,
I try focusing my attention to the tv,
But my mind spins,
Hold it, wait till it goes to commercial, I tell myself,
I wait past yet another commercial break fighting a battle in my head,
Finally I can't hold it in any longer,

"Mom, I need to tell you something."

I'm forever scared of you,
I can't live with you,
I suffocate on my own breath as you approach,
I hang out with walls as you enter the room,
My only friend is the floor of which I stare at continuously,
I am the man of anyone but myself,
My wrists are friends with the sharps,
My mind continues to imagine what you think of me,
I am tormented by your ever impeding presence,
You never go away even in the darkest and most quiet corners of my mind,
There you are,
I am afraid of you society,

Does the earth gravitate?
Does not all matter, aching
affect all matter?
there's no chance at all:
we are trapped by a singular fate.

But id be in suspense for on such
a pretense
you wouldn't be you
As a bathtub lined with white porcelain

They either ******* or killed us.

Ignore all possible concepts and possibilities
Prey that our eventful alien over lords
are not Archibald-based,

Muscles better, nerves more;
forever making poetry in the lap of death, humanity..

i hate you.

I want to go to a place,
where everyone is mad.
And no shame comes with that,
Were being a dreamer is not an oddity.

I want to go to a place were there Is,
no 'society', just a community.  
A place that is made up of wallflowers and misfits,
Yet everyone is excepted.

I want to go to a place,
Were people are not fond of
The rules of the status quo.
Were people cant be judged because
Everyone there is similar,
In the way they think,
The way they act,
The way they carry themselves.

I want to go to a place.
Were I am free.
-Kiya Eagen

this cant be it
this cant be my life
surrounded by red bubbles and C- on all my papers
some math teacher checking out their high school students
some even falling for it because they think its love
"he only treats me like that in bed" turns into
"he only hits me when hes drunk"
this cant be all that I'm living for
this cant be my life
trading secrets and rumors trying to be one of the "cool kids"
smoking some 5$ **** i bought from my principle until my eyes can only see the blurred lines of my sexuality that I am not supposed to question
My brain thinks of my body image like its crack,
My body covered of stretch marks and bad tan lines,
this cant be the way its supposed to be
this cant be my life
id rather be hit by a car than go to school, and I'd bet I'm not the only student that thinks about killing themselves so they dont have to do homework or get called on in class
This cant be my life
This cant be your life
And this cant be our life
But that's how it is, and it wont ever change.

I wish that you could see the way your body moves like the ocean, its curves are what spark up the storms in the sea.

I see you

I see the way you cant stand yourself sometimes, you cover up your emotions with sarcasm and yeah, sometimes i fall for it.

I feel you

I feel your stress and anxiety levels sky rocket when some things goes unplanned, you have that need to always be in control and its very attractive.

I touch you

I touch you with the most delicate of hands i can, when we're in bed and thinking about the endless thoughts, I cant stop myself from thinking that before me is someone else and they can show you tender hands but never do because they can't commit.

I smell you

When your near i can smell home, the familiar scent that i wish i could put into words, a candle.

I could taste you

I could taste you but I'm not able to do that, i have to come clean about my feelings, about how I'm am unconditionally in love with you kiya.

And i wish i could change my feelings because we have such a good friendship, but who in the hell could get over you?