At one point i thought
You could be the one
That would make me close my eyes
When i kiss
At one point i thought
That what we had
Or what we might be
Is real
But when you kissed my tonight
I kissed your lips
Tasted your tongue
But not your soul

My eyes were open
I couldn't keep them close
Just like with all the boys
I kissed before

Efforts mean nothing without thoughts
You don't just do something for nothing
You do something because your soul told you to
Or because you would have not been able to sleep without doing it
And you don't do that
I know because i cannot feel anything
And this is not me being an insensitive person
It's about lighting something and realizing that your lighter has no fuel
You can't light up a candle
Now you need to think
Of
A
Way
To light up that candle or just leave it be.
Or continue what you're doing now:
Keep trying the lighter as if it would miraculously spit fire
Just to look like you're making an effort
Can't you see?
There is no thought in it
No sense
No feelings
Merely doing something for nothing
Just stop

(E.G)

Boy, you must know i am hardly astounded by faces as i am with minds
And you have only ever heard the things i wanted you to hear
You have never even touched the surface of my soul
I know this because if you have
You wouldn't have survived without

I am somewhere i do not belong
I don't doubt this
I know
It has been a year
Since i have been haunted by guilt
Guilt for myself
Guilt for my dad
Guild for everything that has happened since then
I wish though, that i had been smarter
That i had mase the better choice
That i spoke
Of my own
And have not acted
Upon my mother's accord
But i know it is not her that i must blame
But myself
Because i had a voice
J was 17
I could have said no
I could have stayed
But i thought what i did was for the better
And now i have stuck
Drowned by my guilt and self loathe
Imprisoned by my own mind
But as people not know
The ocean, as calm as it is you see on the surface
Has many deep dark secrets

(E.G)

I found that i could not write about you
It's not that there are no words to describe what you are
It's not a problem with words
It's a problem with feelings
How do k write without feelings?
No matter how much i have delved into my brain or how much effort i put into it i could not muster up anything about you that could light up a fire in me
And that's a problem
Because i cannot write about you
And if i cannot write about you
That means i don't love you

(E.G)

And i have found
That i am still clinging
To someone that can ceased to exist
For such a long time now
Ive held on to an invisible rope
Hoping to break the surface
But as i held on
I felt like im slowly losing my grip
I feel nothing left to hold on to
All the good things have gone
And i am utterly alone
As if just realizing that now
As if slowly waking up
I let myself let go
And let the waves of the unknown crash into me
And take me
Somewhere new

(E.G)

I do not love you except because I love you;
I go from loving to not loving you,
From waiting to not waiting for you
My heart moves from cold to fire.

I love you only because it's you the one I love;
I hate you deeply, and hating you
Bend to you, and the measure of my changing love for you
Is that I do not see you but love you blindly.

Maybe January light will consume
My heart with its cruel
Ray, stealing my key to true calm.

In this part of the story I am the one who
Dies, the only one, and I will die of love because I love you,
Because I love you, Love, in fire and blood.