T M Martinez: Poems

819 · Dec 2013

T M Martinez Dec 2013

It's that time again. 4 a.m. headed to the airport. You didn't get to stay here as long as last time. Sitting in the parking lot, you give me a look in your eyes asking if I'm ready. I nod yes and we head up the stairs. You check in your bags and my heart starts pounding like the beat of a drum. They call your ticket number. Here we are. You give me a final glance. I look in your eyes and collapse on the ground. My quivering lips whisper, "I don't want to do this anymore." You kneel down beside me and hold my hand. "I'll always come back and you know it." I gather myself enough to give you a hug. You kiss my forehead so gently. You go in to board. I watch nervously through the glass walls separating us. You manage to catch my eyes. You give me that one half smile that you make a lot. You know, the one you always give me when I say something precious? Once again, I lose it. I slide down to the floor and sit there. Tears flow from my eyes. Here comes the lonely feeling that you always managed to conquer. You fight to protect all I've ever known, while I stay here and fight the unknown. I hopelessly sit there for hours wondering, when will I see your lively body again? Will I get the chance, just one more time, to come pick you up from the airport or will I arrive to see your lifeless corpse? This is what crosses my mind every time you leave me. This is what it's like being in love with a fighter.

731 · Dec 2013

To you, I'll never exist

T M Martinez Dec 2013

To you, I'll never exist

It hurts me to know that I'll never be the one to listen to your painful past. I won't be the one to hold you when you're hurting. It won't be me to wake you up at 4 in the morning because I had a bad dream. I won't get to feel your warm body next to mine when it's thundering outside. I won't get to hear you sing in the kitchen while you bake my favorite dessert. It won't be me that runs to you complaining about how hard school is getting. You won't be the one to come comfort me when I learn how boys can be jerks. I won't get to look out in the crowd during my first game and see you sitting in the stands. I won't get to surprise you on your birthday by making you breakfast in bed. I won't be the one sitting by the front door, waiting for you to get back from your long trip. I won't be the little girl you always tell your friends about. I don't get the chance to sit on your lap and listen to bedtime stories. I won't be the one supporting you as you follow your dreams. I won't be able to grab your hand when the scariest part of the movie startles me. I won't get an attempt to destroy dinner and go with you to pick up Chinese. I'll never have the chance to ride in the car with you on those long road trips. You won't get a chance to yell at me for staying out to late. You won't have the chance to watch me grow into the young lady you wanted to be. I won't get the chance to tell you 'goodbye' as I leave for college. I won't be the one to whisper 'I love you' with tears in my eyes. I won't be the one to come back and visit on holidays. I will never be the one to tell you that daddy burnt the turkey for tomorrow's dinner. I won't be the one to call and say I talked to mommy yesterday and told her I needed to see you both. I won't be the one you spend your last moments with. I don't get to be the one to carry on your name and be the woman you taught me to be.

613 · Nov 2013

Dear Daddy

T M Martinez Nov 2013

Dear Daddy

The waves are much calmer now. I can walk in the sand without stepping on *****. Remember Daddy, when I stepped on the crab? The water is calm but people are drowning. I got rid of the floaties to try on my own. Daddy, are you going to save me? The deeper I go, the darker it gets. It's hard to see what's around me. How can something so beautiful be internally grim? I'm afraid of what lurks in this cold darkness. The waves are much calmer now. Still to this day I can walk in the sand without stepping on *****. Daddy, you remember, don't you? The water is calm but, Daddy, I'm drowning. I got rid of everyone so I could try on my own. Will you save me? The deeper they go, the darker it gets. I can't understand anything around me. How can my mind be filled with so much tragedy? I'm afraid of what I can do. Daddy, the waves are much calmer now. They are much calmer than they were before. Daddy, I will never, ever step on a crab again.

To my dad. I miss you lots.

561 · Dec 2013

I'm Tired Of You

T M Martinez Dec 2013

I'm Tired Of You

I leave you hints all the **** time
I'm ******* sitting over here by myself
Close to where you are
Just so you'll see me
Why don't you come sit next to me
Talk to me for ***** sake
I want you to notice me
I feel so stupid for trying
An I really that invisible?
It ****** me off how you can ignore me
Why can't I be like that to you?
I'm tired of giving and not receiving
I make myself lonely for you
I lost everyone to be with you
You act like you don't care
This **** is tearing me apart
Do you realize that?
I'm so sick of you
I hate you and want you at the same time
I want you to say something
Be rude to me
Yell at me
Say something
I can't take being invisible anymore
I only want your eyes to see
What I've been saving for you
Do you understand what you're doing
I'll never be the same
I need you
I need to get away from you
I need to break this attachment
Cure this obsession
This isnt healthy
You aren't healthy
For me

I'm ******* done.

I hate feeling like this.. Don't make me feel like this.

336 · Dec 2018

My Love

T M Martinez Dec 2018

My Love

My love
Why have you doubted me?
Our love is anything but doubtful
Fires rage at the sound of our love
The courageous quiver
Alarms silence and oceans stand still
Our love is powerful
Our love is a tsunami of emotion sweeping away the ones who never believed in such a thing
Our love is the name on most high seated in a royal throne of gold
Our love reaches mountaintops and sinks beneath ocean floor
My love, we are untouchable
We have a gift so great not even the mightiest king would dare question it
My love for you is never ending
I adore you, my dear, for you are sacred
You complete this fraction of a being
You fill my half empty cup until it is overflowing with happiness
I adore you
Everything about you screams perfection
You are Gods gift to earth
You are a blessing
You have saved me, my dear, and I am so grateful
I love you

I’ve been gone for a couple years but I’m back and (at least I think) better than ever.

#poetry #writing #write #poem #art #spokenword #writersofinstagram #life #poeta #tmmartinez

327 · Nov 2013

Broken

T M Martinez Nov 2013

Broken

I can't help you fix yourself
Cause I'm too busy fixing myself
I'm trying to pick up my pieces
And broken things can't fix each other
We deserve to be alone
No one wants a shattered glass
You can't fill it with wine
It will seep out the sides
No matter how hard we try
We'll always have the cracks
I don't like being this way
But there's nothing I can do
I wish I wouldn't have fallen
Now I'll never be me again

|tmm|

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