Dear sweet reader
Do you wish to know my hamartia?
Better question
Do you know your hamartia?
Better question still
Do you know what a hamartia is?
Dear sweet reader
I'm not questioning your intelligence
I would never do such a thing
I am only asking
Because it is a new word
At least to me
Maybe to you as well
Dear sweet reader
Shall I tell you?
Tell you what a hamartia is
And of my hamartia
The answer is yes
A hamartia is a fatal flaw
Almost everyone has one
I do
You might
Do you have one?
Do you know what it is?
I have one
I know what it is
My hamartia, dear sweet reader,
Is that I fall in love to easy
And much to hard
So my dear sweet reader,
Care to share your hamartia?

My heart's been stabbed
Hurt
And broken
Not by love
But by life
Life was too much for my heart to bare
So I locked it up
And through away the key
I locked it so no one could reach it
No one
Not my parents
Not my peers
Not even me
It stayed like that for so long
Until you came by
You made me feel again
You busted the lock
And made yourself at home
I'm not joking
You bushed in
I don't think I can ever lock my heart again
You made me strong enough that I don't need to
You barged into my life
And knocked down all the walls
And broke all the locks
You did what no one ever did
You loved me for me
With all my oddities
My insecurities
My meanness
My everything
I know you'll never read this
But thank you
From the bottom of my open heart

What do I do now?
How do I move on?
My ideal doesn't want me
If it was a physical ideal
I'd be fine
Looks are just looks
No reason to dwell too long on those
My ideal though
My dream person
The person I always hoped for
Doesn't want me
I never thought of that
Not that I'm a great catch
And that the thought of rejection never occurred
It's just that I never thought
Not once
That my ideal would reject me
Would love some one else
Or pursue others
And tell me about it
My ideal tells me about their ideals
And I'm not them
If that wasn't enough
No, its never enough
My ideal keeps pushing
Keeps wanting to be closer
Wants to know more about me
About the person who never opens up
About the person who it hurts to do so
They want to know everything
And I want to tell them
Oh god how I do
But I can't
I always imagined the personI would open up to
The person I could give myself to
The person who would accept the good
The bad
The broken
Just me
I imagined
Oh I imagined
In my darkest days
This person who would be My Person
I imagined we would just fit
We would click for some reason
I imagined they would hold me close when I was feeling sad
Answer whenever I called in case something happened
Bicker with me just for fun
Tell me what was wrong so that I could make it better
Would make me laugh just because they could
Cuddle with me because I went through something tough
Kiss my head just to show they cared
Hold my waist or hand as we walked because we just wanted to contact
Let me be there for them because they knew I always would be
Tell me what they need so I can try to be there like they've been for me
I always imagined this person would love me
And I would love them
I imagined this person would be My Person
And I would be theirs
Yes, we would have other people we were close to
We would have best friends
And friends who were like family
But we'd be the closest
We'd be each other's support
When I imagined My Person
They were the only one
I promised myself I would find this person
I promised we'd have our struggles but would always end up happy together
I guess it's silly to think like that
It's silly to think this ideal would exist
But it helped me through the bad days
Helped me not do something I would regret
Or have others regret for me
When the dark days broke to lighter ones
I let my ideal go
Not that I didn't ponder about them
I just didn't dwell as I did
I didn't look for them as I would in the past
When I stopped looking
I found them
Or rather we happened upon each other
When I met my ideal
I didn't know at first
How could I?
I mean we clicked like I'd always dreamed
But that doesn't mean anything, right?
Until it does
Until it did
When I realized my ideal
When I found who I thought was My Person
I was over the moon!
I was surprised they existed
Surprised that I found them
My ideal person was real
I had a chance to be with My Person
But the stars were not aligned
Luck was not on my side
Fate had not favored me
I know this because though they are all I ever wanted
All I ever needed
They don't want me
They love me
They said they do
But I'm not their ideal
Their Person
And while I understand
It's still hard
Hard to be so close yet do so far
To be together yet a part
To have them take so much pain away but to give much more without knowing
I always imagined my ideal and I would be together for a long time if not forever
I just never imagined that it'd be as friends
Or that it would hurt this much
I imagined they would take the pain away
Not give a new kind
The worst part of it
The absolute worst
Is that it's not their fault
There's nothing they can do to make it better
No matter what we do
We can't separate because we can't abandon each other
And we can't be more if one of us doesn't feel that way
We're stuck
More actually
I'm stuck
I'm stuck with my ideal that will never become My Person
With a best friend I can't get over
With pain I can't stop
With a situation I can't rationalize my way out of
In all my days of imagining
Of dreaming
This ideal
My Person
I never once
Not in my darkest nightmares
Thought I would find them
Only to have them not want me
Never did I think I'd find myself having to get over this
Having to deal
To think
To know
My ideal doesn't want me

My man has to be strong
So he can carry our kids to bed
When they fall asleep out of their rooms
My man has to be kind
So he can offer support To them
When their sad and I'm not there
My man has to be hardworking
So we can not only support each other
But give them happy lives and good examples
My man has to love
Not only me and my oddities
But our kids and their mistakes
My man has to perfect
By being imperfect
And having quirks that make him fun
My man has to be accepting
Of all my love and support
And their giggles and laughs
My man has to be out there
Because I won't settle for less
And I don't mind being alone

You refuse to see
That you aggravate me
You talk nonstop
I think my ears will rot
You give me so much to think about
That I overload and have to shout
You’re annoying in everything you do
But I’m for some reason drawn to you
You’re the one I love to hate
I’m the one you love to exasperate
You have this weird kind of charm
That causes me the greatest alarm
Your every move is a puzzle
If I could I’d give you a muzzle
You are the one to light my fuse
Forever and a day you are my muse

My cute
Adorable
Naive Saint
I love you
I really do
But I'm a
Crude
Nasty Demon
I could never bring myself
Or let you
Get involved with me
I'm *****
You're pure
I have the vocabulary of a sailor
You speak oh so modestly
I think badly of people easy
You thing everyone's good no matter what
While I vent, *****, and moan
You blame yourself and think you need the change
As quick I am to condem
You are forgiving
You are everything I once was
Always kind
Forever forgiving
Naively sweet
Adorably innocent
Things I never be again
Not after all I have seen
And done
I fear that if I were to touch you
You would slowly become stained
Like me
I can't do that to you
You're too special
I can't
I won't
I know that if you knew how I think
You'd take pity on me
You'd let me take advantage of your kindness
And not think anything of it
It's not fair of me
But I love you
It's not right
But I crave you
Your laugh
Your voice
Your sweet words
Your kind heart
Just you
I haven't fallen this hard for someone in so long
Not since the one who made me this demon
I had all but forgotten what it felt like to love
To feel giddy at the mention of a name
To feel nervous at the sight of a face
To feel giggly at the sound of a voice
You saved me
Saved me from an unfeeling numbness
I thank you for giving me those feelings back
My thanks will be not acting on them
I feel that if I were to act on them
Then I would be a disgracing them
And you
I can't
I won't
***** you
I couldn't do that
Not to you
My naive Saint

We all have something
Something that hurts
That causes a void
Makes us shudder
Something that's sore
That's touchy
What we want to hide
There's a part in us all
That doesn't want to be known
Heard of
Touched upon
Spoke of
No matter how small
It's there
That click
That sets us off
Either into sadness
Madness
Or some extreme emotion
But that's normal
We are perfect
Yet imperfect
We are beautiful
For our ugliness
What I mean to say is
Nobody here is perfectly fine
But that's what makes us
Perfectly us

I frequenly bad mouth you weather you're there or not
I call you all sorts of mean things
I tell you I hate you and to go to hell
I get you so upset at me all the time
I yell rant and rave about how bad you are
I don't mean any of it, really
I know you know that
I also know that the moment anyone says 1/10 of that
I'll say:
"Only I can yell at them!"
"Only I can call them stupid!"
"Only I can make them upset!"
"Only I can..."
And if anyone ever ask why "Only I can..."
I'll say:
"Because only I can call them best friend"

opposites may attract
but theres no telling how they'll react
one says one thing the other
says another
they don't aways agree
i guess that hows ment to be
i just hope the fighting would end
before something breaks thats imposable to mend

This is *******
Plain and simple
It's like some weird divorce
It's not my ******* problem
But they've made it mine
Like me explain
Mommy dearest
And
Dearest Brother
Have had a falling out
Dearest Brother is getting married
And doesn't invite Mommy dearest
Because he wants to hurt her
Which he does
Now little old me
Little Daughter
And
Baby sister
Is left with an invitation
And a decision
Go
And hurt Mommy dearest
Don't go
And insult dearest Brother
That's the short ******* version
And frankly the cleanest
This is *******
Plain and simple
This isn't my ****
But I'm knee deep in it
They're using me like
I'm the child of their divorce
To be used to hurt one another
It's not ******* fair
Even if they think it is
They're playing ******* favorites!
I'm not a pawn
I'm not some"thing" to be used
I'm just a daughter and a sister
Not a ******* dagger with feelings
Because what they don't realize
Is just that
I have feelings
This is *******
Plain and simple
I'm not the rope
In some twisted game
Of tug a war
I'm a teen
With feelings
And a heart that can't choose
This is *******
Plain and simple

Eggs
They are plain
They are boring
They are wonderful
They are a reminder
Of a simpler time
A time of innocence
A much happier time
I miss that time
The childhood long since passed
Plain, boring eggs
One on my treasured reminders

We love each other
We say it
And mean it all the time
I love you so much
And I know you love me
But I love you a little differently
I love you just a little more
Were we love each other for the people we are
I also love you in a romantic way
I treat you almost as if we are dating
You let me do it all the time
You don't see a problem
But I unfortunately do
I don't always mean to do it
I really don't
But you don't mind
And I let you do the same
We walk down the street
You put your arm around my waist
I sit on the couch and play on my phone
You come put you head on my lap and talk about your thoughts
I put my feet in your lap
And you massage them
I eat something
And almost feed you some
You sit on the porch
I know you want to talk
We do so many things
We are so very close
And you don't see it
You only see platonic love
You think this is what friends do
I know that its not normal
I know that I should stop before I get too deep
But it feels so comforting to put my legs on yours
Its nice when you and I talk about anything
I love when its just you and me just being
I should stop this weird situation
Not separate completely
Just stop acting like we're a couple that doesn't kiss
Not get out of our friendship or stop our meaningful talks
Just let go of the fantasies of us holding hands
Not cut you out of my life
Just not be so close
Because as comfortable as it can be
Platonic dating *****

We plug in so much
Our phones
Speakers
Laptops
Tablets
Mp3s
And so much more
Our lives revolve around them
Every day we plug in something
Why do we need all them?
I bet you can't think of the last time
You went one single day
Without on single plug in
We rely on them
We have become dependent on them
In my day to day life
I haven't come across
One person who doesn't care
About their plug-ins
Not one
I know I can
And Have
Spent days without them
And didn't care
But can anyone else
Make that same claim
Say that you don't mind going days
Weeks even
Without plug-ins?
I'm not saying they're bad
I'm just saying there's more out there

Everyone things differently
I know this
Always known this
But sometimes I have to remind myself
I have to tell myself again and again
"They don't thing like me"
Because sometimes I forget
Well not forget
Just think that somethings are universal
It's those times I think like that
That I be reminded
Because almost no thought is universal
Almost no thought is in everyone's favor
It may be common
It may be thought often
But no thought is universal
I have to remind myself of this
I have to
Or it hurts more
It hurts when I think one way
And know others don't
When I think things should be one way
Yet see them go another
When I think someone should be there
But they're not
Every time
Every single time
The only thing that keeps me going
Only thing that keeps me from breaking
Is reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't thing like me
I'm sure there are people agree with me
I know there are
But not everyone I meet will think the same
Not everyone will see the same thing
You can show two people the same thing
And you'll get two different perspectives
You tell two people you'll always be there for them
You'll get two definitions of always
One may think it means for a long time
The other may think it means being there 24/7
You meant you'll be there when you can
Yet all think always
That's why when someone tells me one thing
I have to learn their definition
So I won't hurt too much when it doesn't match mine
And so that I remember their following through
Just according to their definition
Not mine
Because it hurts less
Because it easier this way
I just have to keep telling myself
Reminding myself
Reminding myself that they don't think like me

I'm running
Why am I running?
Why does it hurt?
Why are my feet cold?
I look at my feet
I'm barefoot
Why am I barefoot?
Okay
Give me a sec
I'll remember
Oh!
I'm running
Running to you
I'm barefoot
Barefoot because I'm scared
Scared you'll get away
Leave and get lost
Why did you leave?
Wait no
You didn't leave
I slow down
You didn't run away
I stop
You're still here
I wake up
Oh thank god
It was just a dream
You're still asleep
Next to me where I left you
I'm not running
I am barefoot
But not running
I thank god one last time
Take a glance at your sleeping face
Kiss your nose
Nighty night, Bruno
My cute watch dog

Seconds
Of crying
Of breathing
Of joy
Seconds

Minutes
Of laughter
Of thinking
Of being
Minutes

Hours
Of yelling
Of sleeping
Of sadness
Hours

Days
Of new
Of happiness
Of old
Days

Moments
Of seconds
Of minutes
Of hours
Of days
Moments

Life
Of seconds
Of breathing
Of minutes
Of laughter
Of hours
Of sleeping
Of days
Of happiness
Of moments
Of so much
Life

shut up
Shut up
SHUT UP!
SHUT THE **** UP!!
I can't take it
I won't take it
You yell
You fight
It's not alright!
You plaster on these masks
Make it seem like its all fine
But it's not
It never will be
Not like it was
I can't take this ****
Day after day
Week after week
Month after month
Year after ******* year
It's all fake
Until the doors are shut
Behind closed doors it's "handled"
The thing is
The walls are thin
And I'm awake
When you think I'm asleep
Don't "Stay together for the kids"
There are no kids left
You think it's better to stay?
Well it's not
It's hurts more
For you
And for me
I can't take all the fake smiles
Fake laughter
Fake peace
Fake ******* love
Love should not be fake
Love can't be a mask
Take it off!
Take it off right now!
Do you hear me?!
Take it the *******!!
Love is all my dreams have left
So shut up
And don't take my last hope
So please
Don't stay together for the so called kids
My heart and ears can't take it
So please
Stop fighting and just shut up

I read and write to ignore the pain
I cry when its stormy so all you see is rain
I feel nothing but empty inside
And I have no idea where my true feelings reside
Maybe they're locked deep inside my chest
I think leavening them there would be the best
If I unlock them and set 'em free
I wonder what will become of me?
This feeling is no where near new
And yet still have no idea as what to do

My rock has finally crumbled
I have nothing left to hold
Sad part about the whole thing
Is I was the one who shattered my rock
I broke it to ******* peices
It wasn't on purpose
I swear
It wasn't
But it happened
And it was my ******* fault
I guess it's just me
I'm just ****
I ruin everything I touch
Somebody put me out of their misery
Because I'm too much of a ******* coward
Everyone would be so much happier
If I was born someone else
Or not born at all!!
I can't stand living like this
I hurts me too much
I'm sure it hurts them more
Somebody put me out of their misery
So at least they won't think it was their fault
I mean it's not
It's mine
But you know how parents are

Someone's playing tricks on me
I don't know if its lady luck or even God
But someone's playing tricks on me
I had finally settled my feeling for you
And suddenly you choose my name and blew me away
Someone's playing tricks on me
And I don't know who to blame
I wouldn't mind the tricks so much
If I knew why they keep leading me to you
Someone's playing tricks on me
And I wish they would play some on you.

Sometimes I create walls
I hide
I cry
Sometimes people ask what’s wrong
I get scared
I don’t answer
Sometimes I’m okay with that
I’m glad
I’m relieved
Sometimes I’m not
I want them to try harder
I just wanna yell “Try harder!!”
Sometimes I remember why I built my wall
I forget sometimes
I think about the rest of the times that aren’t sometimes
Sometimes I let it all go
It’s only sometimes
Only sometimes

I was the third and last born
I am the only girl
I am given what I want
All the time
I don't think about it
I ask and I revive
Most of the time
I didn't mean to be selfish
I just noticed it one day
I'm trying to break the trend
But it's proving quite difficult
I'm spoiled
But not by choice
I ask for things
And they but my love
I hate being this way
Sometimes I ask for silly things
Just to take it back
Because I know they'd get it for me
Just because I want it
I want to earn something
Be able to say
"I worked for this"
They just give
Never letting me earn
It may sound nice
But it's not
It feels empty
And cheap
I'm spoiled
But I'm trying not to be
I'm spoiled
But not by choice

"Sticks and stones may break my bone but words can never hurt me"
Took me awhile to see what ******* this can be
Sticks and stones may break my bones yes that's very true
But the one who taught me the pains of words was undoubtedly you
I didn't know this from the start
But words can break my heart
A broken bone can heal pretty fast
But a broken heart proves to last

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me.
That's what I believed when I was young
But now that's not true at all.
True sticks and stones can break my bones
But words hurt so much deeper.
Wounds inflicted by sticks and stones can be easily understood
But wounds done by words are more complex.
When you use sticks and stones you know you're causing damage
But when using words you don't know if what you're saying really hurts.
So really it should be sticks and stoles may break my bones
But those wounds heal so much faster.

I love you
I really do
So I can't stand seeing you like this
I can see it in you eyes
That look of love
That look that I'll never get
But she gets it
So go get her
I love you
And you love her
I'd rather see you happy with her
Than lonely with me
Please go get the girl
Win her heart
So at least I'll still see your smile
We can stay friends
I might even be friends with her
Just please
Stop hesitating
Go get her!!

I'm stressed
Like really stressed
More than I'm used to
I'm blocked
Blocked by stress
I'm not sure if this will help
Or any good
But I feel I need it
Need to say it
Rather write it
So I'm stressed
I can't see the beauty
That I used to
I'm stressed
And It's blocking my inspiration
I'm stressed
I'm blocked
Lucky me
I have stress blockage

We all have that moment
that it all changed
That moment something went wrong
and all got rearranged
There's that moment you spoke
words that should never be said
That moment you got mad
and let it go to your head
There's that moment you acted
before you thought
The moment you lashed out
and maybe got caught
There's that moment you never planned
when it all went awry
The moment that went wrong
and it just went by
There are those moments
that catch you off your game
Those moments you knew
things would never be the same

I am the best friend
And I am in love
I am loved back
But not in that way
Not in the way I crave
Not in the way I need
But I am the best friend
So I must do as the best friend does
Make you laugh
Be by your side
Comfort you when sad
Advise you in love
Deal with my pain
Hide my tears
Don't make things worse
Pretend it's okay
It's hard
So hard
Making jokes about my feelings
Like they're not there
Letting you throw my words back at me
Like I can stand to hear them again
Giving hugs and being around
Like I don't want more
Hearing you say no one loves you
Like you haven't heard me say that I do
Letting you so close
Like it doesn't hurt
Listening to your plights of love
Like my heart isn't breaking
Being your best friend
Like I'm not dying inside
I wish
Oh how I wish
I could go back
Back to when I didn't love you
Back to when things were easy
When I didn't want for more
I didn't crave you as I do now
Crave your affection
Your passion
Your love
I wish I could go back
Stop it before it began
I wish for things that are not possible
Things that could never happen
For ever l even if I were to go back
I couldn't change my falling for you
It was inevitable
How could it not be?
You are all things I long for
All things it seems I can't have
For I am the best friend
And that's all I'll ever be
The best friend in love

The end
Two very sad words
They mark the conclusion
The conclusion of books
Of movies
Of shows
Of friendships
Of relationships
Of anything
The end
Two very distinct words
They mark new beginnings
Beginnings of new books
New movies
New shows
New friendships
New relationships
New anything
The end
Two words
The end

I am complete
I am whole
I don't need another "half"
I just need the other circle to my venn diagram
The other complete person to overlap with
We are complete
We are whole
We are not two "halves" looking to be whole
We are two complete circles
With things in common
Things that overlap
I don't think I could handle being a half
If I were half and you made me whole
What would happen if you left?
What if it were the other way around?
When you are a half made whole
Things would hurt so much more
Not only if you left
But while I'm looking
While I'd be looking
I'd be incomplete
Half of me wouldn't be there
So no
I'm not looking for my other "half"
I'm looking for my other circle
The other part of my vann diagram

I always thought
They didn't care
They did
They still do
I thought after we fought
They were done
They weren't
They're still not
I thought if I washed my hands of them
They washed their hands of me
They didn't
They still don't
I thought I knew
What they were thinking
I didn't
I still don't
Not completely
But my older brother did
And still does
He knew how hurt they were
When I thought they didn't care
He knew how sad they were
When I fought them all the time
He knew how they didn't want to let me go
When I made they separate from me
I didn't know
So I thought so many ugly things
I didn't know
They sometimes watched me sleep
Thinking how proud they were
I didn't know
They always checked up on me not to smother me
But to make sure I was always okay
I didn't know
That all the times I thought they were overprotective
Was because they were scared of bad things happening to me
I didn't know
They loved me so much
Or cared so deeply
I didn't know
All these things
I still don't know a lot of them
But he knew
He still knows
The things the youngest doesn't knew

We say things
Deep things
Things we wouldn't
Or couldn't
Say to the people we know
To people who are basically
Strangers
We say them because we know
Feel really
That they can be trusted
That they won't judge us
Judge us like the people who know us
They listen for the sake of listening
We feel that they will understand more
More than people who know our background
We bare to them our hearts
Because we know they won't hold it against us
They couldn't
They don't know the people we know
Know the places we speak of
Sometimes we don't even mean to
They just ask us "What's wrong?"
Or even "How ya do'n?"
And we tell them all our inner demons
All our painful secrets
And all our tails of woe
We don't know if we'll know them past that
All we know is that someone
Someone who couldn't hurt us
Heard us
Let us unload our sorrows
And unburden our shoulders
We say so many things
The things you say to the people you barely know

Ever look at your mommy or daddy's wrist
And see that big watch?
Ever notice lots of adults have 'em?
They're usually big and eye catching
When you're a child
Your wrists are free
You don't need time
Your parents do
But you don't
You barley what the time is
So how can you be bound by?
When you're a teen
Yourr wrists are filled with your personality and are still free
You start to care about time
You notice the clocks
Because you're parents don't watch then for you
You keep more of your own schedule
But do you need to always know the time?
When you're an adult
Your wrist has room for only the watch
You run on time
And time runs you
No one is making sure you get there on time
You start wearing a watch
The watch
It's the one that's always there
The one that keeps you in time
The one that shackles you to schedules
The one that makes you realize
I'm an adult, I keep time, and am kept by it

If I said I never loved you
It would be a lie
And if I said I loved you still
It would be the same
I can't say I'll ever hate you
But I can say I'll never feel for you
Like did back then
Things will never be the same
And I think that's a good thing
I'll never love you like I did then
But I can love in a new way
If you give me time and a reason

My hands look different
My feet look different
My ankles look different
My face
My hips
My wrists
My thighs
My calves
My arms
My everything!
My everything looks different
Some of it feels the same
Feels like mine
But some of it doesn't
Some of it feels weird
Looks weird
Doesn't feel like mine
I feel like I've lost part of me
I feel like I'm missing pieces
When I don't look at most of my pieces
I feel fine
I feel like they're mine
But when I catch a glimpse of them
When I see then in the mirror
My hands
My feet
My ankles
My face
My everything
They don't look like mine anymore

Being the girly girl
Would make me hurl
I've never wanted to be the princess
Being the cheerleader would make me stress
To other girls that's the way to be
But that's never been the way for me
I'll call you dude and bud
I'm not afraid of a little mud
I'm not gonna cry over a broken nail
Seeing a spider won't turn me pale
I as good a fighter as any boy
I'm not into playing it coy
I'll fight against what I think is wrong
My sense of friendship is very strong
Its to bad if you don't like what you see
Because I'm happy being I'm me

I'm the sum of all my parts
I'm what you get when you put the pieces together
But all these parts
All these pieces
Are "too" something
Never the right amount
I'm "bossy"
Meaning: I'm "too" assertive
I'm a "complainer"
Meaning: I'm "too" opinionated
I'm not sexually attractive
Meaning: either I'm "too" ugly
Or "too" fat
I'm "complicated"
Meaning: I'm "too" much of a mess to deal with
I'm "friendly"
Meaning: I'm "too" close to ever be considered
I'm so many things
Meaning: I'm "too" me

Two hearts beating as one
With this nothing can't be done
Two minds thinking together
Flying in tandem like birds of a feather
Two people who have made a decision
That they will stay together not causing division
Two hands with intertwined fingers
Communicating a feeling that lingers
Two smiles that shine brightly
When their eyes meet slightly
Two lives changed by attraction
Showing the power of human interaction

Undefined
Such a funny word
It means without definition
But by saying something is undefined
You have therefore given it a definition
It takes on the persona of the word it was given
Undefined then becomes the word's new definition
Making the word a contradiction in and of itself
But that's just how I see things
Not that you have to
I'm just saying
Ya'know?

Welcome to my misery
Here pain is easy to see
But you choose not to care
Because to you its not there
You pretend that nothing's wrong
And simply say "She's strong"
I keep falling
I keep calling
You choose to ignore
Because you don't care any more
This shall forever be the norm
Until I fight through this storm
Until I can fight this by myself
I'll leave my emotions on a shelf
This poem is the last line I'll cast
Saying: Please sent help fast

You hurt others, others hurt you
It's simply the human thing to do
We learn from the pain
Let it keep us sane
We are who we are
The proof in every scar
Each one has a story to remember
Like that fight sometime in November
Or that yelling match with your mom
The time you just couldn't stay calm
We keep that pain in our mind
It could make us bitter, or kind
We either don't want others to feel the pain we did
Or we take it out on other, thinking our pain is hid
We learn from what we feel
No matter what it is, its real
Thought others may not think it's that bad
It doesn't change the fact it makes us sad
The pain we feel tells us we're alive
It propels us to break free and thrive
We learn from pain both big and small
We learns the lessons, we remember them all
Pain is a part of life
It's the ever present strife
The feelings keep us sane
We learn from the pain

I haven't loved in so long
Not even a crush
My stomach has had no butterflies
Nor has my head become light
But you come along
Dance with me once
Chat with me a little
And the butterflies come to life
Tears of joy swell in my eyes
Thoughts of you swim in my mind
And my heart dances at the mention of you
What am I to do?
What shall I say?
I don't know how to be in love
Not anymore
Not in years
What to do
What to do
You're not like anyone else
Or at least not to me
You listen
Really listen
You speak
Meaningfully speak
I'm at a loss as to what to do with you
You are an oddity in my life
And I don't want you leave
But I don't know how to make you stay
I'm lost
How did you do it?
Who are you?
I don't even know
I've know you for mere days
Yet still you've turned my world
Utterly
And completely
Upside down
You are of a different kind
Who are you?
Better yet
What are you?

I watched you walk away
Step by heartbreaking step
I watched get upset
Get mad
What did I do?
What have I done
To inspire such anger?
I'm sorry
I'm sorry!
I meant what I said
But I didn't mean to say that way
I didn't want to unsettle you
I didn't think you'd take it so bad
Is what I did that horrid?
Is what I said so unthinkable?
What did I do?
What have I done?
I ruined what we had
I'm sorry
I'm sorry!
Can we go back to how it was?
Before I said "I love you"

What is in a name?
Description?
Category?
Definition?
What is in a name?
You chose to read this poem
Based on its name
Or at least that was
Part of it
Or am I wrong?
What is in a name?
It's a greeting
It's a calling card
It's a connection
But what is it really?
Names can change
Through marriage
Through nickname
Through law
Through so many things
What is in a name?
Why do we regard them so highly
Or so lowly?
Names aren't who we are
Names are just our titles
Names are just our covers
What is in a name?
I personally think
They are just placeholders
They hold our reputation
Until we can either live up to them
Fall short of them
Live beyond them
The placeholders are there
For people who think they know us
I know that I hate placeholders
They're ever so annoying
They set silly bars
That I'd like to take down
What is in a name?
Nothing until you fill it
With who you were
Who you are
And who you want to be

Sickness to the right
Sadness to the left
Responsibility ahead
Mixed feelings behind
Crushing weight above
Solid ground below
None of it mine
But all of it with me
No where to fun
No refuge to seek
No place to hide
It’s always there
Always, yesterday
Always, today
Always, tomorrow
What it comes down to
Time to pick a side
Time to break free
Time for just me...

I've lost my ability to cry with my heart
Hot stingy tears roll down my warn cheeks
Yet there is no real feeling behind them
The tears flow until they see fit to stop
But I feel nothing for them
I can put the emotion behind it that I wish
But nothing real
It doesn't feel like real emotion filled tears
I can smile when they fall
I can put on a sad face as they drip
I can look angry as the run down my neck
Yet I can't feel they're meaning
Its like my heart told me to cry
But forgot to inform my brain of the reason
I'm frozen and unfeeling
I'm broken and a empty shell

Would you rather to have loved someone
And lost them in someway
Or to have never loved someone at all
And never have felt the passion
I would rather to have loved and lost
Only to be able to know I have know the passion
Experienced the care
Felt the touch of love from another person
I can not say I know what it would be like
To have never loved at all
But I feel it would be sad
There might be a void
An emptiness
That only love could possibly fill
But like I said
I can not say I know
Because I have loved and lost
And feel better for it
I have felt the sweetness of love
And teased the bitterness of loss
Even with my loss
I gained much
I gained the fond memories
And knowledge of love
That I would have never gotten
If I was too afraid to loose
That I never loved at all

I've seen you in my dreams
I don't know why but I have
They're all a bit fuzzy
But I remember you
I've seen your face
Heard your voice
Even felt your touch
Can you tell me why?
Can you tell me who you are?
I can't even ask you
I don't even know you
Why do you haunt me?
Why are you in my head?
Why I do see your face over and over?
Who am I directing these questions to?
I've seen you in my dreams
What does that mean?
Why do you haunt me?
I wonder, have you seen me in yours dreams?
Do I haunt you like you haunt me?
I have so many questions
But no one to give me answers.