People don't see you
People see your face
People see your body
I see your heart
I see your mind
I see you
I wish you could see yourself through my eyes
I wish I could make you see what I do
Because what's inside
Your heart
Your mind
Your soul
That all shine through to me
They  are what make you radiant
Not your outward appearance
Your inner beauty is all I see
I love you for who you are
Not what everyone else sees
But what I see
So yes
You are beautiful
But, no
I don't love you because you are beautiful
You are beautiful because I love you

Here I am
Once again
Putting myself out there
Going out on a limb
Stepping in front of the firing squad
Praying that this time
You'll save me
You'll swoop in like the hero I see you as
You'll save the damsel I never thought I'd be
Here I am
Opening myself up
Letting you in
Hoping this time might be different
Literally being the definition of insanity
Because that's what love is
It's letting go
Hoping someone else will hold on
Falling
Trusting someone to catch you
Going insane
Wishing to find clarity
So this is me
One last time
Hoping
Praying
Wishing
That this time someone might hold on
This time someone might catch me
This time I might find clarity
Though I don't think this time
Or any other time
Will ever get the result I want
I think this time I might get the result I need
Third time's the charm, right?
Third time may just be the time you finally say yes
Or that I finally move on
Finally realize we won't end up together
No matter how much I want it
Or how much I need it
Or how much others see it
This time I think its the one
The one that either opens you eyes to me
To us
To our potential
Or maybe to one that opens mine
To you
To us
To our limitations
This time
I don't know why
But this time
All I think
All I hope
All I fear
Everything in me just keeps saying
Maybe this time.

Hide with your smile
It makes you look friendly
Who cares if you're dying inside
Hide behind makeup
It makes you look pretty
No one needs to know you're insecure
Hide inside trendy clothes
They make you seem put together
People don't want to see you falling apart
Hide your flaws
They show your human
We only want to see perfection
Hide who you are
People will like you better
Nobody wants to deal with real

Don't ask the question
Don't even try
There's no point in it
And we both know why
You don't want the answer
You don't really care
So don't bother asking
Don't even dare
Don't give me that hope
Or bait me with false concern
Every time it hurts
Oh when will I learn?
You ask to be polite
You ask because we're "friends"
Now I draw the line
Where pleasantry ends
It ends where you'd expect it
It ends where it should
It ends where your care dies
Or at least I wish it would
Don't try to be my counselor
If you're not up to the task
Just do this one thing
Don't ask

When I was little
I looked at you like you'd hung the moon
I clung to your words like life line
You were my world
Your stories were my maps
But as I get older
And now that your gone
I realize I have to branch out
I have draw my own maps
Build my own world
Your stories will always be there
Will always hold a special place in my heart
But they can no longer be my world
They are not maps of how my life will be
They are good memories and fond feeling
They are guilds on how to be
Not what to do
As much as I wish things were simple
And I could just do what you did
And turn out as happy as you were
I can't
We are not the same person
We can't live the same lives
So your stories will always be with me
Will always warm my heart
I grew up on your stories
But its time to live my own

What do I do now?
How do I move on?
My ideal doesn't want me
If it was a physical ideal
I'd be fine
Looks are just looks
No reason to dwell too long on those
My ideal though
My dream person
The person I always hoped for
Doesn't want me
I never thought of that
Not that I'm a great catch
And that the thought of rejection never occurred
It's just that I never thought
Not once
That my ideal would reject me
Would love some one else
Or pursue others
And tell me about it
My ideal tells me about their ideals
And I'm not them
If that wasn't enough
No, its never enough
My ideal keeps pushing
Keeps wanting to be closer
Wants to know more about me
About the person who never opens up
About the person who it hurts to do so
They want to know everything
And I want to tell them
Oh god how I do
But I can't
I always imagined the personI would open up to
The person I could give myself to
The person who would accept the good
The bad
The broken
Just me
I imagined
Oh I imagined
In my darkest days
This person who would be My Person
I imagined we would just fit
We would click for some reason
I imagined they would hold me close when I was feeling sad
Answer whenever I called in case something happened
Bicker with me just for fun
Tell me what was wrong so that I could make it better
Would make me laugh just because they could
Cuddle with me because I went through something tough
Kiss my head just to show they cared
Hold my waist or hand as we walked because we just wanted to contact
Let me be there for them because they knew I always would be
Tell me what they need so I can try to be there like they've been for me
I always imagined this person would love me
And I would love them
I imagined this person would be My Person
And I would be theirs
Yes, we would have other people we were close to
We would have best friends
And friends who were like family
But we'd be the closest
We'd be each other's support
When I imagined My Person
They were the only one
I promised myself I would find this person
I promised we'd have our struggles but would always end up happy together
I guess it's silly to think like that
It's silly to think this ideal would exist
But it helped me through the bad days
Helped me not do something I would regret
Or have others regret for me
When the dark days broke to lighter ones
I let my ideal go
Not that I didn't ponder about them
I just didn't dwell as I did
I didn't look for them as I would in the past
When I stopped looking
I found them
Or rather we happened upon each other
When I met my ideal
I didn't know at first
How could I?
I mean we clicked like I'd always dreamed
But that doesn't mean anything, right?
Until it does
Until it did
When I realized my ideal
When I found who I thought was My Person
I was over the moon!
I was surprised they existed
Surprised that I found them
My ideal person was real
I had a chance to be with My Person
But the stars were not aligned
Luck was not on my side
Fate had not favored me
I know this because though they are all I ever wanted
All I ever needed
They don't want me
They love me
They said they do
But I'm not their ideal
Their Person
And while I understand
It's still hard
Hard to be so close yet do so far
To be together yet a part
To have them take so much pain away but to give much more without knowing
I always imagined my ideal and I would be together for a long time if not forever
I just never imagined that it'd be as friends
Or that it would hurt this much
I imagined they would take the pain away
Not give a new kind
The worst part of it
The absolute worst
Is that it's not their fault
There's nothing they can do to make it better
No matter what we do
We can't separate because we can't abandon each other
And we can't be more if one of us doesn't feel that way
We're stuck
More actually
I'm stuck
I'm stuck with my ideal that will never become My Person
With a best friend I can't get over
With pain I can't stop
With a situation I can't rationalize my way out of
In all my days of imagining
Of dreaming
This ideal
My Person
I never once
Not in my darkest nightmares
Thought I would find them
Only to have them not want me
Never did I think I'd find myself having to get over this
Having to deal
To think
To know
My ideal doesn't want me

I love him!
There!
I said it!
He doesn't know
Or at least I don't think he knows
He might know
Oh I hope he doesn't know
I don't want him to know
Because he can't
It's a secret
I love him
But I don't think he loves me
I mean how could he love me
He doesn't love me
He wouldn't, right?
You won't tell anyone, right?
Especially not him, right?
I love him
It feels so good to say it
I love him
I love him!
I love him!!
I love the way it feels to tell someone
I tell almost anyone
No him of course
He's my friend
He can't know
Shouldn't know
Couldn't know
Won't know
Not until I tell him
Which I might
ONE day
Just...not TOday
I mean he might not love me
Then what'll I do?
He might want to stay friends
That would be awkward
Oh very awkward indeed
I love him
I love him!
You won't tell him, right?
You can't tell him
Oh please don't
I'd be crushed
Just crushed
If you told him
Then he'd know
He can't know
Not now
It's too frightening to even think
That'd he know
I couldn't bare it if you told him
Oh I'd die
Just die I tell you!
I can trust you, right?
You can keep a secret, can't cha?