It's been weeks since I left.
But my heart is still a part of your theft.
How will I get backup from this,
How will I fill that hole inside of me, at the size of a fist.

Feeling heartbroken was better,
Dealing with that pain was something I was able to handle.
But this emptiness is somethings else,
Putting something back inside is not something that can be done.

Memories are flowing through the brain,
The weird thing is, it don't feel the pain.
It's the emptiness that makes me feel weird,
What happened is the biggest thing I feared.

It is over, it is done,
The thing we had, it is gone.
Loneliness is setting in,
Happiness is starting to grow thin.

I hope it will get better,
I need to believe it will get better,
I know it will be beter.
But that doesn't mean it is easy,
But that doesn't mean it doesn't take time,
But that doesn't mean it has to be done alone.

Keep in mind, I am not alone,
Keep in mind you are not alone,
Keep in mind, you and I can be friends :)
So lets start here, there is nothing to fear,
So let's start here, it has to begin somewhere,
So let's start here, start with loving ourself :)

What to say to the world,
When there is nothing to say.
What to ask from the world,
When there is nothing to get.

Words are spoke,
Yet there is nothing said.
Deeds are being done,
Yet nothing is changing.

What to be in the world,
When it is doomed to fail.
What to do in the world,
When there is nothing to be done.

Where to go in a world full of hate,
Where to go in a heart of pain,
Where to go when there is no road to take,
Where to go when the path is dark.

Let it be a light in the darkness,
Be who you are, be who you desire to be.
Because being you are is not the hardest,
Being who others want you to be is not something you will agree.

What am I to do,
I don't want to be in pain,
I don't want the way it hurts me.

You want to play a game with me,
The things I see hurt me so much,
But I don't even know what I see.

I could ask you,
But I don't want the pain,
It really hurts me.

I want this to be over,
But will it ever be,
It hurts me that we are not a we.

We are over,
It is gone,
for me and you.

You made that very clear,
And yet, there you still are,
How am I supposed to pull through?

A week and a half has past,
We broke up mutually.

It was all going so fast,
It hurts, I hate it.

Once again love has failed this time around,
This time it lasted longer.

It feels like life is at a breakdown,
How will it ever get back up.

I know I have had worse,
But it still hurts.

Love feels like a curse,
In time it can only bring pain.

**** this life,
Its not fun.

But at least I am nog grabbing back to the knife,
Not yet anyways.

Is it really, us?
Who are we?

The neurons, molecules, atoms...
What makes us us?

Where does the cosmos end?
Where do we begin?

What defines me
What is my 'self'?

It begins with the love,
The feeling of being,
The experience of existence,
The exploration of life.

The essence of the self,
Is in the presence of the life.

Its not who we are,
Its who we are not.

It's not what we get,
It's about what we give to life.

The difficulty with a love one,
When to talk when to keep quiet,
But never to shout.

The love for a love one,
When to keep pushing,
To give the space.

The fear of losing one,
When to stay, when to run,
But never to hurt.

The beauty of a love one,
To hold close, to be dear,
But never hate one another.

The love of a loved one,
The aching moments in between,
But never to be destroyed.

To love a loved one,
To be loved by a loved one,
To keep on loving,
And never to hate.

Sun rays racing through the air,
Lighting the surface of the earth.
Darkness fading away,
As time passes by.

Concentration is flowing away,
Homework stagnating in the absence of motivation.
Stress pillars rising,
As time passes by.

I am doing great,
I it is all going well.
I am crumbling under the weight,
I have the feeling that I am under some kind of spell.

Not knowing how,
Not knowing why.
I feels heavy,
Like just losing a fight.

What is happening,
All is going fine.
I feel like I am losing,
But I don't know how, what, why...

the sound of foot steps
echoing through the air arround
the sound of laughter
bouncing through the sky

walking mile after mile
following the smell of food
Flying through the sky
chasing the sound of joy

closing your eyes
dreaming away
opening your eyes
dreaming the day

I too am alone
Alone in this world
Until you found me
You made us a pair
A pair together conquers
The world and all of its crualty

Look arround
Look at the things you see everyday
The gras, the trees
At all the falling leafs

Life is pretty arround
Life is pretty inside
Forget the pain
Don't let your life be in vain

Look around
Look inside
Look at the falling leafs
Look at the glowing trees

After pain comes love
After death comes life
All around are fallin leafs
To become anew flourishing trees

Keep your head up
Keep your heart open
Love is near
There is nothing you have to fear

At that moment when the pain becomes too much,
Think about the happy moments of your life.
At that moment when you feel your self slipping away,
Think of that one person you love to be.
At that moment when it all starts to explode into feelings,
Let it come, become at peace and then let it go.
At that moment when you feel alone,
Know this, you never are.

We all had our fair share of pain and torture,
We all are here for you, if you want to talk,
We all want to ease your pain,
We all care about you.

So before you start to loose it all,
Please talk,
Please write,
Please say something,
If not to them, do it to me.
I care about you, even though I don't know your face.
I want you to feel better,
I want you to make it through,
Please talk to me.

The rhythm of the sounds.
The words flowing through the speakers.
Every tone makes my mind float further.
Into the unknown.
Into the universe.
Mind and body disconnected,
Like a phone in flight modus.
Listening to music makes me feel free,
Making me feel relieved.
The outer world does not exist,
My mind is the only one persisting,
The survivor of the apocalypse.
A feeling of rest rushing through the veins,
A thought of freedom bouncing through my brain.

But then,
Then there is that singular thought,
A thought that breaks it all.
I AM NOT ALONE,
I MUST.......

I want to write,
I want to create,
I want to speak my mind.

But what is on my mind.
How to create a poem out of it.
How to write it down.

I have lost the inspiration to write,
Which is a good thing,
And yet I miss it.

How to write a poem, I cannot create.
How to speak the words, that I don't know.
How to think the poem, which can't be written down.

Hey you,
Yes you.
How do you do?
How is it going?
It is going well I hope,
What do your signs say in the horoscope?

We haven't really spoken last few weeks,
It is not only the words that speaks.
Your silence tells me a story,
I listen with a bear in my hand to your poetry.
I cleaned my ears to hear your words,
It washed away all my concerns.

Tell we your tale,
Let us drink some ale.
To unite our feelings,
I want something more then only the greetings.
To make our bond grows stronger,
So our friendship will last longer.

I am trying to sleep,
But my thoughts are racing around,
Like a young pupper chasing a ball.

I am trying to sleep,
But all my mind seems to do,
Is keeping me awake,
Like a pupper reaching for his ball under the soda.

I am trying to sleep,
It seems to be an objective to far,
How will I get my good night's rest,
How will I make it through tomorrow,
I want to sleep,
I need to sleep.

I wish to write,
Words on paper,
Sentences on the internet.

I wish to create verses,
Writing poems,
Write it all down, for others to read.

I wish to share my feeling,
So others can enjoy how I feel too,
Sharing the feeling of happiness.

I wish I had it all,
Not for me, not the money,
But the happiness, the love, the sweetness,
Just to share it with you all,
To enjoy it together.

I hope this does a bit of it,
Sharing the happiness,
The tenderness,
The love,
The joy.

If you need me,
You know where I'll be.
If you seek me,
I live near the sea.

Once I see you,
You tell what you go through.
Once I put that smile on you,
You know what you have to do.

All it needs,
Is to get some feet.
All it wants,
Is to let go of the taunts.

Just walk away,
But beware not to get astray.
Just follow the lead,
But beware not to get deceived.

Life on, a happy life,
C'mon and give me a high five.
Life is tough,
C'mon let us give life the rough.
C'mon let us make life lives rough.

Gather all our pain,
Tie it all together.
Gather all our stains,
Let it all shatter.

We will make it through,
We know how to.
This, we can do,
This, we want to.

We will share what we have,
Not for ourselves, not to feel good
But for you, to get better.

Take some love, and get better,
Not to just get better, not to be wasted
But to blossom again.

Take a hug, and move on,
Not to forget, not to life in pain
But to move on and have peace.

Take my hand, and squeeze it,
Not to hurt me, not to break me
But to share your pain.

Take my voice, and yell with it,
Not to silence me, not to deafen me
But to let the world know you will overcome your pain.

Take my food, and eat it,
Not to starve me, not to anger me
But to feed your love, your love for this world and all of its beautiness.

In pain there will be beauty,
In beauty there will be loneliness,
In loneliness there will be friendship,
In friendship there will be hate,
In hate will be love,
In love there will be eternity,
In eternity will be peace,
In peace is beauty.

Beauty is inside of you,
You are inside of me,
Me and you, we will be happy,
Happiness we will share,
Share it with everyone.

I am back in my room, it is heating already
It has been only four hours of gaming
It goes to easily, the heater is turned off
The window is open, and the fan turned on
It is too hot inside

I am back in my room, the energy is already flowing
My screens are turned on, light rays are filling my chamber
The computer is burning to compete others
To generate as much fps as possible in the game I play
The window is open, and the fans are turned on
It is heating inside

I am back in my room, life is coming back from the dead
Voices are heard in my room, bouncing of the walls
The floorboards are moving, vibrating from the explosions
Gun shots and screams are filling my chamber
The window is open, and the fans are turned on
It is furnace inside

It's a beautiful day
A day on which the light started shining again
The day of raining darkness are in the past

It's a beautiful day
The birds started chirping
People are going outside to enjoy the nature

On this day I want to invite you all
To celebrate the day of my birth
A miracle which happened to what seems eons ago

This celebration will happen the 14th of April
I hope you all will be able to come
Together we will make that day a big celebration

It's a beautiful day
To be outside
It is a new day to enjoying the sun

It's a beautiful day
I hope to speak to you all very soon
And do not forget it is a beautiful day

You and I
You know where are the same
You and I are both people
You know we are made of organic material
You and I share the same things
You know the world belongs to both of us
You and I we have the same believes
You know we have our differences
You and I we will never be the same
You know it looks like we do
You and I are different in between the lines
You know we do
You and I we think different
You know I am happy to have you
You and I we love this place
You know we love the company
You and I make it work
Because we do
Because we think the same, but think differently

I wish I wish I wish
My writing was excellent
To write away all I want
All I think about
To let it flow out like a river from the mountain

I wish I wish I wish
It was that easy for me to do
To have a mind that thinks in poem and poems alone
So I just could write my thoughts and ideas in a fancy way
Like a noble persons way of speaking, a fancy way of speaking
To be able to create a poem that I could be proud of writing

But instead all it seems to be
Is a poem written by a simple minded
No hidden meaning
No great resemblance between words and meaning
No excellent rhyming in the words
No all it seems to be
Is just a simple poem written from the tong

Like a bear having a cave to sleep for the winter,
So have I found my bed to snoar for the night.
Like a colibri flapping his wings to hang in the air,
So are my thoughts holding me from my sleep.
Like a cat looking for it's prey during the night,
So am I laying in my bed looking at the clock.
Like a dog looking at his unreachable toy,
So am I looking at my sleepless brain.
Like a parrot repeating the words he knows,
So is my brain repeating my memories from the past.
Like a baby kanagroo sitting in its mother's pouch,
So am I laying in my bed.
Like a hedgehog being in winter hibernation,
So do I want to be at the end of the night.

There is a paper in front of me,
Having these empty spaces
Having these printed pixels

The reflected light rays, they reach me,
Marking these words
Marking these syntax

The eyes inside of me,
They read the sentences
They read the paper

And still I don't know what I read
And still I don't know what it means
And still I keep reading
And still I keep scrolling

In two days I have to do the resit
In two days my knowledge will be tested, again
But my brain keeps rejecting the words
But my brain keeps dodging the written knowledge

How will I pass this test
How will I answer the questions
If all the knowledge keeps flying past my head
If all the knowledge keeps bouncing of my brain

Your words made my hair stand up right,
Like frozen water cones hanging from the mountain rocks.
It touched me right in the middle of my heart,
Like a campfire warming you up from the front.
But there was this little feeling,
This shivering down my spine,
It could have been from the cold of the mountain rocks.
You may warm my heart, But it leaves me cold.
You may light my path, But it only will lead into the darkness.
What ever it is that you are doing,
Don’t stop, don’t go,
Light my path, keep me warm,
Or I will end up being a frozen statue in the cold dark mountains.

Your hand on my should, that soft touch of your finger
Watching a series, laying next to you
Your lips on my lips, that connection between us
Doing homework, sitting next to you
It gives a feeling, a feeling that makes me happy

Your hand holding mine
Your eyes meeting mine
Your lips meeting mine
My heart skips a beat, it makes me life again

That feeling you give me, in the morning, in the evening
It is my food, it is my drink, it is my energy
The moments we share, in the morning, in the evening
It fuels my laugh, it fuels my love, it fuels my happiness

A thought about me
A thought about you
A thought about us
It creates a smile on my face, it creates a smile in my eyes

Time has past by
I didn't think it to be possible
But it is true

It took months of pain
Gone, will it never be
But it is possible

Time made it possible
I will carry it around in my memory
But that is okay

It has been a while
A while of loneliness
But I have found it anew

I have found love again
The old one is gone
But it has born again

It has been
Days
Weeks
months

Since
I have met you
You have left me

Every single day I have been
Thinking of you
Reminded of you
From the day we met

I want it to
Stop
End

I want to
Live my life
Move on
Be free

It's been days
It's been weeks
Last weeks has been crazy

I didn't have time to write
I didn't have time to read
I missed it

It felt like a roller-coaster
It felt like a whole other life
Things started to cool down a bit

But not for one thing
But not for one person
It makes me confused

I don't know what to do
I don't know what to think
She makes me confused

Do we have a thing
Do we have a connection
Or is it a mere good friendship

I am afraid to ask
I am afraid to lose something
What is it that we have

Do I want something more
Do I want to keep it a good friendship
It messes with my head

Listen to the music while reading this poem, it will give a curtain energy to the words:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcNGusYyG8s

365 days to go

Filling in this form on the web,
Leaving my contact information.

364 days to go

My phone is ringing,
Almost missed the call,
But I got it in time.
The conversation ended,
An appointment was made.

334 days to go

There it is, that...
That thing.
I get in, and the conversation starts.
We start driving,
Taking a turn to the right,
And we were taking turns for the next hour.
It's over, at least for a week.

327 days to go

There it is again,
It stops right in front of me.
I get in and we drive away.
My hand slips to the poke,
Changing the gear,
The pointer moves, and we start speeding.

35 days to go

I kick the break,
We come to an end.
It has been weeks of training,
Weeks of pain and sweat.
The conversations takes a turn.
I grab my phone to look,
And we make the appointment.
It has been settled.

5 days to go

I get in for one last turn,
One last time I get to learn,
Next time it's over with the acceptance of failure.

40 minutes to go

I kick the gas,
we start driving,
Turning the wheel like I have done all the other times,
But this. This feels different.
After this it will never be the same.
After this I will never be the same.

No time left

My time has come,
It is now or never,
It is under or over.
I have to proof my self,
Or I won't make it.
We get in,
I drive away, taking turns and hitting the break
Again, and again, and again, and again.

40 minutes in

It is over,
It is finished,
I stop the car one last time.
We get out, and walk inside.
This is the moment,
Now I will hear his opinion,
Did I do something wrong.
He smiles and laughs,
All this time he has been looking at me.
He smiled at me,
There it was,
Those words.
"You did it, you made it, you have passed"
It was over....
I made it.....
I did it.....
I got my drivers license!!!!!!

Let me be your rock
A save heaven to come to
In times of needs
In times of chaos

Let me be your go to person
When everything starts to overwhelm you
When people start to ask to much
When your brain starts to overthink

Let me be a person for advice
A person who you can trust
After all the pain
After all the holes in your heart

Let me be your angle
Although I may not know how to help
Although I may not know what to say
Although I may not have experienced your pain

Let me help
Let me be your guy
Let me be your save heaven
Let me be your rock to lean upon
Let me be your man in time of pain

I am getting up
Up and out of that dark hole
A hole in which I have lived for months

Spring is coming
Coming to great us and lighten us up
Up and into higher ecstasy

The dark days are over
Over the top of the hill we have found anew mood
A mood in which we can be happy again

The sun is up
Up in the sky to lighten our path
A path to happiness and joy

Summer is coming
Coming to join us in the happy place
A place full of songs and dances

Winter is over
Over and forgotten
Over and in the past

A new era has arrived
A new path has opened up
A new mood has arrived on the surface

Dancing and jumping around
Singing and screaming of joy
Spreading happiness like a new song

Winter is over
Spring is here
Summer is coming

Am I too late for saying hi
Am I too late to great you on this beautiful day
A day full of sunshine
A day with weather so nice like your eyes
The sun is up and running
The spring is in there air, you could smell it
People on the streets dancing around
People shearing the feeling of a new beginning
Singing and dancing around
Singing of the beautiful day
A day full of sunshine
A day with weather so nice like your eyes
Am I too late to great you on this beautiful day
Am I too late for saying hi

Drowning in thoughts
Day in day out

It won't stop
I feel the pain every time again

Heart broken thoughts coming up again and againg
Heaven seems to be far away

Full of pain walking around
Feet inlaid with lead

Everytime I am thinking again, my feet gets heavier
Enough thoughts to drown in the water

It breaks me again and again
It kills me over and over

A girl standing there on top of the stairs
Waving and smiling, cheering to the crowd.
Her husband by her said
A man to whom she swore loyalty and love.

That man is full of lies and afairs
The crowd doesn't know they live separated.
She promised the give him aid
On all the fronts he will be attacked on.

He can be unfaithful and no one cares
A woman might mean nothing to the man.
She must live her life without a new date
A person whom she can really love.

She lives a life full of pain
She lives a life all alone
If she is to have an affair, it would be betrayal
If she would find a new love, it would not be tolerated
It is a life of enprisenment
It is a life of lonelyness

The gloomy glare in the lense
Looking upon a girl standing on top of the rock

It has this warm feeling, it gives a certain presence
Watching over the water, through the trees and over hils

Even though I know what her history is
I still wonder what she thinks about it

The series isn't over yet
Every day again she tries to get a hold of the wheel in the cockpit

But miserably fails over and over
The plane is swinging from left to right and back

Everything seems to be out of control, as if life was over
But there she is, standing strait
Looking over the trees watching the water
At a sunny day, she keeps going

She is bearly holding it together
Crying from day to day, but she has faith
It will all be better, one day, soon
Standing there on top of the rock, watching the water peacefully move by
She knows one day it will all be beter, just like the waters forthgoing

A poem to be written
Is a thought to be told
It gives you a new view
A perspective seen by others

A poem to be written
Is a tale to be told
For little kids to listen to
Just the little story before bedtime

A poem to be written
Is a conversation unspoken of
Words from one mind to it self
In order to keep it talking

A poem to be written
Is a song to be sung
For radios to play
And crowds to scream out loud

Between dusk and dawn, time stops
Darkness rises, stars start twinkling
In the darkness you can hear the wolfs howling
Trough the darkness army rises
Armies with large creatures, creatures of the dark

At day they will hide
Seek shelter of the light
At night they will march
To war they will go

Creatures of the night
Rooming the world
Searching and fighting
Looking for salvation fighting for freedom
But they never find it
So they march until the light arises

I am sick of it
Stop it please
All it causes is an unwanted feeling
It is not helping

Why are you holding me in this pit
All you do is tease
It doesn't help with the process of healing
I don't really need your blessing

Please leave me alone
Let me sit here on my own
I don't want to leave this place
I don't want to have this pain

Just let me sit on my own throne
And let me bear my own lives crown
All I ask is for you to leave my face
All I ask is for you to bury that cane

I want to move on
Living my own life
You didn't want me
Then leave me alone

I just want to watch a new days dawn
To listen to a song about the fife
All I want to do is move on peacefully
Just let me leave this antarctic zone

The last few days
It has been raining
Drops falling from the sky
The grey clouded sky, once blue and warm

The last few days
It has been cold
A harsh wind blowing through the streets
The wind icy and cold, once comfy and carring

The last few days
Have been wet and cold
The last few days
Are typical Dutch days