He’s six and he can’t do anything right.

The humiliation and shame of failure swelled up in his chest.

A pencil was almost worthless because his hands are close to useless.
He was outcasted by the teacher away from the other kids every single day.

No one had taught him how to read and the page was completely alien.

He couldn’t sleep at night no matter how hard he tried and he was spanked.
Deep down he only wanted to please his mother but he simply couldn’t.

Although he was “gifted” in a few ways he was incompetent in most others.

He could never make her proud so he had just to erase her from his mind.
She was dead and now ****** only to exist in the past.

The boy knew he was a burden and was only a mistake that was too late to be fixed.
For a time simply existing was a state of intense remorse.

No matter the punishments or pain inflicted on him the guilt still lingered.

He knew that he truly didn’t deserve love.
But he wanted it so badly from those who cant give it.

Why did it turn out this way?
I’m alone, *****, and bitter.

I can’t stand how you found happiness.
But thats what I wanted all that time ago.

I’ve always have been a ******* at heart.

What destroyed me had felt so good in the moment.
It’s almost funny really.

I’m breathing but still far from truly living.

Yet your just **** full of life and energy.

But I know if I relived it over I would still make the same choices.
Because I always loved you way more than me.

Those nights strips away your nerves like wires.
Your body is tired that you can’t move but it’s not tired enough to sleep.

Old regret and suppressed emotions linger into your bloodstream,
and your mind slowly becomes completely toxic.

An empty wall is your only real friend and companion.
Whenever your dying on the inside there is no one around to save you,
But the loneliness is always consistent at least.

Every second passes by like an hour while the silence steals your sanity.
Songs mean nothing to the deaf but that white noise is everything you have.

You’ll finally feel better by sunrise but there is another night waiting.

In the end nothing will always just become nothing.

I’m a bird with clipped wings,
never able to be hurt by freedom,
but there is so much beauty in suffering.

Hey Honey-apple,
Orange you glad we’re divorced?
Thank God for Prenups.

He saved the entire world.
Then put the gun to his head,
and squeezed the trigger.

The good wasn’t good enough.
Superman just pretended to be happy,
but it was a joke.

These ******* winter months always chills me to the bone.
We would have been together by three years next month.
No one else has been able to keep my heart warm ever since.

My grandfather is slowly losing his mind and he can’t stay himself.
In just a few more years I’ll be entirely alone without a family.
Those Christmas decorations are like flashing neon signs at a funeral.

All of my holiday cheer is pure ******* it’s been a con for a long time.
The future approaching me is grim but I figure that I deserve all of this.
I’m used to dancing with the dead anyways.

“Merry ******* Christmas I might see you again next year.”
I told my reflection in the smudged mirror.

I sold my soul to Satan because I was drunk and bored.
Hell and brimstone is a nice change from that woman.
The way she nags at me is far sharper than any pitchfork.
It was true misery at first ****.

Oh and don’t even get her started about trying to have any fun.
She makes me truly envy all the dumb and deaf people.
It’s been twenty years far too long.

A functional routine is a just a necessary evil I suppose.

You can wash your hands but the ever filth won’t wash off.

Seeing death for the first time is a lot like popping your cherry.
The ones afterward are felt less and far more forgettable.

As life goes on you’ll become slowly number to it,
and it even is harder to grow shocked by.

I saw one paralyzed and trying to desperately grasp for air,
And another tangled in wreckage she was just 28.

The rest are simply more of a distant haze,
but yet those people are now forever gone just the same.

Strangers, family, or friends simply become ****** to memory.

All of us only have a one-way ticket so just enjoy the ride.

A desolate shore never seems to lie.
The sands became filled with litter that lasts for a lifetime.
Just like those tattoos that are now resting on your naked body.

The washed up sea life slowly rots and starts to reek in the sunlight.
Our love is the same way it seems.

That tainted water is as brown as your eyes staring straight into me.
No families dot the isolated wreckage of this unnatural landscape anymore.

All I can do is weep alone and stand in the footprints of people long gone.
Some days I wonder...
Was it intentional or just another tragic accident?

The night kissed my open wounds shut.
I wanted to embrace death but I won’t go quiet.
My clutter filled room is the only world I know.

After nineteen years of being trapped I can’t leave.
Breaking free through with my mind is the only escape.
Books and the Internet give me dreams of the outside.

My family loves me but they can never let me go.
I’m an inmate chained up by their overprotective good intentions.

In a few years everything I know will be completely gone.
My grandparents will be gone and I’ll lost and alone.

Nothing can tear through the heart faster than living in a broken home.

The mundane feat of putting letters on a piece of paper is but a cumbersome fight against lions.
My hands can never create the worlds vividly painted inside the sanctum of my inner thoughts.

Immense shame makes my eyes slither out many concealed tears and coats my heart with envy.

Depression can become very familiar company to an utterly ******* worthless inept freak like me.

Each day from sunrise to sunset is filled by loneliness as its eaten away into thirteen long years.

And a young boy’s hopes and dreams just to be normal died slowly while screaming.

Lies are told more often than truth.
A good woman can drive you to ******,
And she won’t even blink.

I never looked at their empty faces.
I kept my breath rancid to detour people walking by,
and insulted the few people that stuck around.

Why the hell would they possibly care about me?

After the day is over I’ll lock myself up in a dingy room.
In there no phones television or anybody else could bother me.
I’ll let my guard down for a few hours before going to work.

Then I’m back at the slaughterhouse.

Being alive is just a stale convoluted joke,
but I’m still laughing at it.

We giggled at our ridiculous pet names.
I was the first person that you ever exposed your body to.
Both of us dreamed about a bright future together.

Neither of us ever knew what a father was.

We knew each other like we were the same person.
Sharing Laughter and tears with you was natural as breathing.
I trusted you enough that I left myself become vulnerable,
and I even loved you enough to finally let you go.

In the end my heart and my will was finally broken.

You told me that I just wasn’t “affectionate enough”.

The walnut stock had several light nicks,
and a few rust spots were sprinkled the barrel.
It was old but still functioned flawlessly.

Time didn’t degrade the accuracy very much.
For many seasons it took game without a single failure.
The sons of three different generations knew the rifle well.

It got sold to a pawnshop for one hundred and fifty bucks to buy some ****.

She was lost and couldn’t find herself,
and none of her empty words could hide it.
Just a typical ****** plain and simple.

She died alone on the road at twenty eight,
but everybody saw that end coming.

In a tragic twist of good luck her son never knew her.
Although a part of him had always secretly wanted to.

Those years without a mother’s warmth was a pure frigid hell.

Your a complete dead ****,
and your favorite beer tastes like ****.
All of your thoughts are vapid at best.

You have about as much personality as a brick wall,
but you have an okay body with a really nice ***.
Frankly I don’t require much more criteria than that.

I’m a real feminist so I’ll give you an equal chance…
to make my ******* turkey sandwich.

Maybe I’m simply just drunk,
but you are still ugly as hell.
I said to the mirror.

Bust a nut or stick a ***** up your ****.
Bang an aging clown crossdresser.
Nibble on my ear just like mike tyson.

**** a mean **** for only three bucks.
Eat ***** and sweet *****  out like ice-cream,
and make all the girlies scream.

Drive your car while naked in a sheep ******.
Do coke up an aging *****’s brown crack.
Give strangers hand-jobs to just say hello.
     Or at least give me some ****.

Fall in love with a ****** and sail the world.
Eat your own *** like a vegan smoothie.
Gamble about sporting events fifty years ago.
    Wrap your **** up in a blender.
    
         But always,
enjoy the downfall while it lasts…..
Now where’s my pay check you *****?

A lost angel stumbled into the hallway.
I gazed at her lovely all encompassing ***,
that fit perfectly into those pristine blue jeans.

She had no clue until I had firmly squeezed.
I whispered softly “shhh deary don’t you scream.”
Then she tried to hit me but well she still couldn’t see.
So I made a quick escape and I hid myself away.

For nearly two days I quietly studied my sweet prey.
I learned everything including the place that she lived,
and I paid her a visit but long story short…….
A restraining order is the purest form of love.

Past relationships are first degree burns that never go away.

Without even trying and I made a good person miserable.
My best try from the start was never good enough and I knew that.
I crashed on the highway like a drunk before I could read the signs.

All of that time spent alone drives nails straight through my temple.
I forgot the art of expression from years of pain inflicted by others.
Whenever I try to open myself up my guts spill out all over the floor.

              Can a mutilated tongue ever truly learn how to speak?

Self-doubt is the only thing that feels constant in my mental corridor.
The face that breaks the glass mirror is just a pitiful shameful thing.
       My memories are only a stain that can never be erased.

If you want to be a great writer only write about writing.
Inhale your own ******* so deeply you can’t breathe.
Then ingest several mountains of a publisher’s *****.

Pretend to read a lot and go ******* all over Europe.
Drink bad wine and socialize with Harvard's yuppies,
and watch mostly 1920’s avant-garde *******.

Always act like your the only center of the cosmos.
Say the same thing fifty times and word it differently.
Make your stuff dull and as hard as my **** to read.

Be subtle like a cat burglar wearing assless chaps.
Sell your off dignity cheap and be free from all shame,
but…..

If your hot (preferably asian) and show me your ****,
You’ll always have a life long reader from me.

Prescribed by:  Doctor ”Micro-****" Barry (MD)

Vitamin (T)rauma in large doses may cause side effects such as:
****** bleeding,watery eyes, sucidal thoughts, Liver failure.
vagrancy, depression,poverty, and decreased ****** performance,
cancer,Possession, itchy eyes, tight muscles, and virginity.


SEVERE side effects include becoming a poet.
If you are writing poems PLEASE STOP IMMEDIATELY,
and seek out medical attention.

Warning
NEVER try to be literate.

Cigarettes make a fine wife,
they can’t cheat,
only you can walk away,
they won’t back talk you,
and at least their  honest about killing you.

She's like your first girlfriend and even though she's a little older you'll always love her.

Something bigger than your heart throbs when you see her velveteen face in films.

Even though she has been with three hundred different guys that doesn't matter at all.



When she retires a part of you feels sorrow as you remember her prime exploits fondly.

Just to see her you had to steal your dad's magazines or delete all of your web history.

She is the only woman you know that's never hurt you or broke you down into tears.


No matter what your fetish was the odds are that she has done it before just for your enjoyment and now she's just gone from that forever.



You'll never forget her name and you'll think about her fondly in your happiest dreams.



However in a way she's unable to die as she's immortalized in videos, pictures, and in all of that ***** on tissue papers you long since thrown away.

As Heaven and Hell filled your glass you gave me the the gift of laughter and raised my spirits several times.
Those stories about a plethora of assess, wild crazed friends, and a hard painful life intrigued me for countless hours.

Never are you just a simple shade of black or white your always that insane drunk artist that mixes up the paint.
Your advice and experience taught me new colors that I would have never been able to imagine before.
Unlike me your a true writer that’s unaffected with the STD of being just a poet, but you still just might have the clap.
Your works are ****** great so don’t you EVER stop trying to get your stuff out to this twisted world……..

Because if you quit I will seriously be obligated to punch you and I know you’ll still be able to easily kick my ***,
even though you probably broke your hip after you got out of your walker and unplugged your dialysis machine.

I’m not a mascochist  (Unless I get a *** of cash or your a pretty Asian girl) so please for the love of god never make me do that, and hell I really like a lot you so I’d really prefer not to put a .38 special deep into your chest cavity.

Keep staying crazy you ******* and although more than likely as your future attorney I’ll sure as hell stay busy,
but your my big brother and I ******* love you man so don’t you ever change.

P.S. Don’t hog on all of the good runoff ***** unless they are too chubby.

The ferocious hands of fate push me gently yet mercilessly me into becoming a pallid shell of a man.
A crumbling mausoleum of faded memories residing in my heart shatters all the edges of my stoicism.
Time passes slowly to a man trapped by nightmares inside a forlorn brick cage, simply unable to fly free.

I can see the garden of eden living inside a woman's smile before she abandons me in brimstone streets.
There are soft distorted melodies between the endless amounts of the harsh choruses of gnashing teeth.
There have been no words more sordid words spoken since the foolish final loud yet silent foolish goodbye.

All of my daily nightmares are enlaced with the makings of pleasant golden wishful and merry dreams.
Oh how I long for beautiful eastern maidens, long arid desert nights, and a love that I just can’t ever find.
In the depths of sleep between the screams and cold sweats I feel hope dashed amongst the wicked things.

Fear and doubt flow directly through my veins freezing me into a chunk of solid ice,

Uncertainty forcefully drives a spike straight through my soft and thudding heart.

I want to speak but my tongue is sliced into pieces and fed right back down my throat.



The weight of isolation crushes my spirt flat against an endless sea of old concrete,

and true love and loyalty for my family and friends feels truly impossible to ever express.

Crude communication bumbles and kind fumbling gestures only push me away yet farther,

into a place distant as distant as my derelict father was to his motherless crying child.



Trickling thoughts whispers about the old familiar danger lurking within a lovely woman.

Repeated memories of abandonment burns fast as gunpowder inside my darkest hours,

and five stained cases became forever stuck in the lonesome cylinder left out in the rain to rust and was permanently welded shut.

I could hear the lone coyote howl

The desert winds whistle their sweet somber song

The sunlight provides a comforting warmth

The skies are a beautiful blue

and expand as far as the eye can see



Rattlers ramble on with their solitary lives

and many homesick men miss their wives

they long to be held by their angles once more

yet loneliness makes the heart grow fonder

and the memories become evermore stronger



The nights are quiet as can be

Stars shimmer and shine in perfect harmony

and will be displayed out like a painted masterpiece

I sit bathing in the moonlight content and happy

There is beauty in this barren landscape



The Mojave can always be a fickle mistress

life and death are juggling hand in hand in her never-ending circus

but a part of her spirt slowly creeps into your soul

and you will always be left wanting to return

I'm stuck betwixt blues and left alone to ponder inside lonely hour.

Eternity ticks away on the clock sinfully second by second.

The isolation transforms me into a sinister creature most dour.

Brown eyes and a beautiful smile chases my heart to straight into ruin.



Old bloodstained memories haunt my mind like angry ghosts.

Screaming silence has become the loudest sound left in her wake.

The cold artificial lights illuminate my every single mistake.

Yet I know she has sailed onto troubling new coasts.



High-octane worries and doubts speed through my worried mind.

I remain bound by hopeless desire and a love that I clearly lost.

all that can be done is to await for the uncertain future to finally unwind.

Drunk again and crying

Her brown eyes become a blue gem

and her body staggers softly yet sweetly

She's uncertain and speaks like a wild western wind

and her heart is so difficult to mend



Her mind balances like a Bull walking on tightrope

and I have become a mistrustful misanthrope

My hopes and dreams were hung and choked

and her sorrows are drowned in temporary bliss

neither of us can forget and I long for that last kiss

oh what a life I miss



Me and her thrash like tides in trouble waters

and I lay abandoned into the deep sea

Although she has someone new I hear restraint

My heart is bound to hers and I can't escape

She was once like my wife and a part of me myself and I

and now I wonder if I'll be whole again once more

I payed ruby ransoms red as blood for you my love

and I prayed for you to be happy and fly free as a dove

Lost salvation shrinks and shivers inside long summer days.
All hope and dreams are sent with a silver bullet to die.
The roar of anguish is so loud it shatters eardrums and crushes bones.
From a screaming simmering hell I emerge ready to bare my own crucifix,
but alas my aspirations decline deeper than canyons.
my disappointments rise higher than mountains.



Falsehoods and pretenses weigh so heavily they sink like a steel paper ship.
To he who cries for a better tomorrow I will flay with a silk laced whip.
With all kindness the cruel lesson of life shall be inflicted with pleasure.



My nightmares suffocate me every single night inside comfortable sheets.
While those who dare fall flat off their feet into self destructive denial,
and they try to burn the entire world with a box of matches.


My steadfast companion envy sticks into me like a serrated blade.
It is a pain that I feel to as much as a heartbeat.
yet I find myself lost inside seamless unfamiliar territory .

Loneliness is the wild river we all drink from and bathe in.
The twisting journey to sail to clean western skies is bordering on impossible,
but can end rapidly by beautiful young sirens and boldly bored sailors.



Old Horn dogs howl for companionship into the dark night but receive none.
The disheartened dreamers gaze at the shimmering stars wishing they would be extinguished,
and many a pistolero spend their brief lives freely with reckless abandon.



All excuses add up to a superfluous score to a strike out that can't be won.
Rather it is fought with a heavy hand, knife or gun Fate can never be overcome.
Our flickering life all is but a shadow underneath a harsh Nevada sun.

I howl with maddening laughter inside the silky velvet moonlight.
A stale joke crudely coats a bitter reality that cripples and berates me,
but most funny of all is that I'd still happily be your idle plaything.



I am a slave bound to your kindred soul in a tight black leather knot.
Your absence strips me down to just a forlorn stain to your minds bedsheets,
and now a new stranger now fills my old tidy little niche.



These skin deep conversations with you cut my through my ears like razors.
Unspoken words tear me open and leaves me exposed to the vultures,
but soon I will no longer be nailed down by rage or be chained by jealousy.



I offer you the sweet release of finally laying our old sins down to rest.
To finally soothe the onset of blooming resentment between troubled hearts,
and lift off this lead weight crushing my chest  and say I forgive you.

A burning anger consumes my mind and scorches  all of my joy black.
Cruelty rests on the tip of my tainted heathens tongue,
but never shall your beautiful liars ears hear my mournful cries.


You love me yet you so carelessly dispose of all the lessons we learned.
I want to help you but you push me away like a phantom that never was,
and your life tumbles down like a boulder from your reckless abandon.



However both you and I are two hypocrites of a kind in a deck full of jokers.
A foolish gambit I took for your happiness and lost the people we once were.
I tragically know that no matter how many tears I cry there will never be an ocean that can sail me back through time.


Infatuation and naivety arrive to me in waves but quickly evaporate due to cynicism.
A pleasant day has yet to come to my devoid half complete tiny little world,
and I wonder about when or  if it ever finally will.