i didn’t look back
didn’t hold on tight enough to every moment
because for every great memory
i was so sure another was coming
maybe i trusted a little too much
or maybe i was taking you for granted
i’m not sure what more i could’ve done
but i should’ve

Lost in your head for part of the day
I'm friends with all your voices
And they all have nice things to say
But how'd you get so broken into this
5 people in one mind
But they all call themselves mine
And every day for just a few moments
Every voice comes into sync
And I hear every part of you
With all 5 voices
Tell me you love me

And we rest at the standstill
As life’s colors fade
Bring me an endless paralyze
Against the willow
Amixt the green grass
In the forest deep
With no thoughts more to venture
And no hopeless dreams.

Dissect the place I buried in my head
That I continuously dig up
To bury myself in its stead.
Relinquishing me
Blueprints for burdens
Awaiting construction.
The puzzle has been flipped
So that the pieces all look the same,
There’s no chance.

Bury me by the dock
Beside the willow,
The only friend I have left.
Amixt the green grass
In the forest,
That drains its colors
At the moment
Of my death.

Eyes on me
Heavy breathing on their side of the phone
I live to please
But are we only pretending we’re not alone
Can I get too much
I wanna find out the hard way this time

Sparks like candle wax
Drip from you intrinsically,
Full of energy no matter
How far the sun cowers away.
Mythic in the way
They fly, yet, overlooked somehow
In a sea of people starving to
See the light,

But the loss
Has caged your soul
And cast it away,
And the sparks fly less frequent
As now you recognize
The sky is grey,
You say crying makes you feel weakness,
But glue can only fix some surfaces.
Of which, your soul, is no such one.

Mending cannot transpire
With but glue and tape,
Rather the appliance hinders growth
And transformation.
Weakness is the act of self dishonesty,
And being thrown off
By such a loss as this,
And accepting that grief has accredited you
The will to cry, to taper off the boiling ***,
Is beyond that of growth and strength.

Knowing what you deserve
Must be the hardest step to take,
But taking the wet macular
From staining your eyes,
So that you might let your sparks
Once again shine,
Is at the very least that to which I’ve referred.
One step at a time,
And I’m sure you’ll be right back
To skip yourself along in tranquility,
But glue can only fix some surfaces.

I never thought I'd hear from you again
But then you came back just to say goodbye
Is that supposed to make anything okay
Why tell me that you're leaving if you can't tell me why

Please come back..
Not a part of me holds anything against you
I didn't fill the hole you left with hate
I didn't fill it at all.. your spot still waits for you

The pieces have collected dust
Of the part of me I let slip
From my grasp when the news reached me,
And the pages left under the stack
Waiting to be filed away and put to rest
Have only collected more pages
To prolong me from facing this.

Dread and guilt make me sick,
When I find myself sifting through
Searching page by page,
But my fingers tighten,
My arms weaken,
And I pull my hands from searching,
As my heart and mind
Concur that I’m still not ready
To fully put it to rest.

I miss you,
And sometimes it’s hard to see
With the overcast sky,
And no rain to compliment it,
But there are no excuses today.
I’m finally ready to let you go,
And I’m sorry I held on for so long.
It’s a long barren road ahead,
Not so different from the path
Already stepped behind me,
But I know from all those nights with you
That I shouldn’t be in such a rush
To clear this path.


I’ll find a way to laugh
Despite the cloudy skies,
And find a way to smile
As time continues on by,
But it’s time to let you go
And deal with the pieces
I let time take beyond memory.
You always knew
How to put it all back together,
But you taught me laughter
Can put anything in remission.

Love, Josh
xoxo