You don't get to ask me why the **** I have trust issues
You didn't have your best friend suddenly leave
The person you leaned on for support the most
You aren't the one who was told
by many people
I'll be there for you
And then they just ignored you
You weren't jokingly told lies,
insulted in the form of teasing
And put down my people you thought would never say or do something like that
You've never felt unwanted by everyone around you
Stuck in the shadow of someone you're close to
You haven't lived my life
So you don't get to ask my why the **** I have trust issues

Pain is my constant companion these days
She walks with me through my day
Sits with me as a cry
Whispers in my ear as I write
And laughs at me as a draw each night
In the late hours of the night
And the early hours of the morning
Out of sight
Waiting desperately for someone to notice
But praying they never do at the same time
I just want it to end

These words in my head get loud
And no matter how hard a try
I can't drown them out

I drew tonight
For the first time in 6 months
13 days
5 hours
and 22 minutes
I rolled up my sleeves and got to work
I thought I would feel bad
For drawing after so long
But I feel nothing
Not one flicker of emotion
Even as the red ink stained my canvas
It was liberating if anything
To draw finally
after months of wanting to but being too afraid
It has now been 17 minutes
and 38 seconds
Since I last drew

Why are you always so quiet love?
I’m not actually
What do you mean?
The girl turned toward the other with a faint smile
My heart is always speaking
This world just doesn’t know how to hear it yet

What has made that girl so strong?
They asked me
The truth is she wasn’t always strong
There once was a day when she had no idea what she was doing
When the words from her lips were as forced as the smile on her face
Where the bracelets on her wrists were as much to hide the scars
As they were to add a little more to her outfit
There is nothing you can say or do to hurt her
That she hasn’t already done to herself
Those words you used to insult her?
She’s repeated them a thousand times as she lay in bed
Unable to sleep
Unable to breath past the thoughts in her mind
She’s had people leave without a reason
Without a goodbye
Closing the door without a glance back
She’s broken her own heart more times then she can count
She’s felt lost
Like she was drifting out in a sea of nothingness
No lifeboat to be seen
So the reason this girl is so strong
Is because she’s gone through all that
And still has the strength to smile and laugh
Like nothing matters in the world but this moment

Who is she?
The stranger asked
Motioning to the girl
Who's colored hair streams out behind her
As she gazes out over the water
She is nobody and everybody
I replied
Why is her gaze filled with such sadness?
Because she sees more than you and I
The stranger looked confused
She sees the world as it once was
And as it could have been
She appears happy and carefree in conversation
But you will never hold her full attention
That girl has one foot in this world
And one foot in another
Forever torn between the two
Forever feeling emotions from both
How do you know all this?
The stranger asked
I just smiled
Because, dear friend, that girl is me