as I lay sprawled out upon the bed
I stare at the empty spot where you used to be
I close my eyes and pretend you are still here
your chest raising and falling
your eyes twitching while you dream of other lands
I open my eyes and yet again you are gone
I just have to learn to live without you

"It will never be the same, I will never love again", I think.
My demons cascading through my mind, they dance with joy.
Self destruction is for dinner tonight
and even though it isnt my favourite meal
and even though its hard to swallow
I have no choice
but to
choke on it

I want a smile
A gesture
reassurance
that you aren't just a black hole
******* everything in
eventually destroying it all
I know you
You aren't that
At least I don't see that in you
Galaxies
I see stars
Forming constellations
your story
how you were made
everything about you
I see it all
its beautiful
every star of you
is beautiful
I want to explore your stars
your moons
Your planets
I want to be
One of your stars in your galaxy.

I break into a million pieces
sharp, attune, ready to puncture

Step all over my broken pieces and bleed into me
I want them to suffer as I have

I used to wake up every morning, with everything I wanted
A warm bed next to a warm soul
Now I wake up and pray he will find me again
that he will wake up and see all the damage he has caused
and return home
I need him like a pastor needs his god
I miss the gentle glances, potent laughter, the crinkles of the eyes as you smile
Yet it seems as if you are too holy, to good, to great to bless me now
......as if I have lost my religion

I myself am I simple human with simple desires,
one of those ever many desires is to be happy.
My live never really knowing what true happiness is,
I try to search for what I believe is happiness.
For some days happiness is a talk on the phone with someone you admire more than your own.
For others it is a long awaited journey on my favorite video game.
I am such a simple human,
Why do you adore me.

Permanent slumber only to be released by
desire
desire for pleasure with a hint of pain
the cycle repeats itself
unending