Sitting on a cloud of poisonous blackened ash
enjoying my fake heaven provided by the best
Amsterdam has to offer.
Keeping up this relentless assault on my lungs
as if I'm trying to turn them into the tar pit
I currently reside in.
A ***** desperate attempt to claw my way
through what I'm coping with.
To put a metaphor into actual reality
by comparing reality and my actions
to an actual metaphor of my reality.
Painting my innards pitch black
because I perceive my outer world
like I'm looking through a veil of darkness.
False flag operations on myself
justified by the Demons residing
in the world that I'm carrying.
In this world that I'm traveling.
Carrying my world like Atlas
but I've lost my way..
wish I could live up to the name..
Google Maps myself back to sane.
It's hypocrit
Because I thrive of this poison
and once my mind is clouded in ash..
the pressure is temporarily relieved
like when a vulcano erupts..
But deep down it's always boiling
always smoldering
blistering cold merely touching my emotions
would leave burnmarks on my hazed out psyche..
So I don't dare touch them, it hurts..
So I don't dare to sleep, I'm scared because pondering hurts..
So I don't dare dream.. because sleeping hurts..
So I remain, blazed out of this world
Disconnected and severed from myself..
Rather face this green Hell than reality itself.

Sometimes I wish I would give myself permission to die.

I'm a **** in Heaven, head in the clouds.

What would happen if a happening would happen to happen?

Under Titan ice lie remnants of an ancient human civilisation

Back again.. at the place furthest from home.
This black pit of complete darkness..
Filled with an unknown colour of poisonous smoke.
Slowly but surely smothering me
the Hands of Lonineless gripping tighter around my throat
My heart weighs heavy..
pumping liquid lead, methane and deuterum oxide
through my body, numbing it, damaged beyond repair.
My body feels cold, sweating sulphuric tears
tearing away my smile from my face
as I laugh in despair.
Eyes widened high from the pain and toxins.
Grab the knife and slice it in my chest but all attempts are in vain
to carve out my sick heart.
My heart feels like it's stuck in Pandora's Box
destroyed by Seven Plagues.
The Noose of Life, looks more tempting with each passing day.
This open exit looks very inviting.
To feel the texture of the rope hang around my neck
Death's scythe standing by ready to collect
My numbed and tortured soul
Sick in this pit I try to make the best of it..
I'll call this place my home..

I'm done..
Just done..

Can't live like this.
...

Stitch the Earth's scars with metal constructions.
Giant metal cables keeping tectonic plates together.
A dead patient, thunder's storms are raging,
a defibrillator, claiming millions of lives
but could it be our savior?
We are lost, bogged, trapped we have set these stages.
Seen Death with several faces
made bets, but Hell ain't gracious.
Accept that's what our fate is
Death, trapped is what our way is
Death that is what'll save us
Having our backs is what will break us...
Stabbing your back is what my rage does..
Stabbing our backs is what our hate does..
Savages, that is what this made us..

So it's best we dissapear...
" Hah, as if we have a choice in the matter."
*"The arrogance thinking we are bigger than what we are. This planet will stay long after we are gone. It will regenerate in time and eventually harbour new life."

All I feel is pain
sadness and hurt.
With a slight tone of positivity
Love ever so present
like a distant dim light in the dark.
Gestures of good will
either harvested with selfish intentions.
Like putting coins in a slotmachine
to hit the Karma jackpot.
Or genuine kindness.
Mass produced negativity
running rampant across the globe
fits the current type of mankind
like a perfect silk glove.
I feel the wind crying,
poisoned and sick.
Clouds ***** acidic rain
every drop a bombardment
infused with a chemical mix.
I feel the sunlight trying to escape the earth
but the clouds are moody
representing the mental sickness
of the guests under their roofs.
There is no escape once you land
on this manmade Mental Asylum.
I am scarred by kids with knives
young unpure love that is quickly crushed.
Only a handfull experience a lifetime of love.
Earth is sick, being gutted alive
stripped barren and bombarded
with it's own body used as weapons
that have turned against their Host.
Me and all my friends know.
For we are tree's, our bark is thick
protecting our rooted Souls
in the deep slick soil.
Connected with Earth
we feel everything that it endures.
And it hurts..

Where am I?
Where do I begin
and more importantly
Where does the socially created me begins
and ends?
My mind is filled with thoughts
some relevent, most of them are beyond my control.
So where am I?
Where do I reside in all this wiring?
Where is Me, in all this genetic coding?
The eight percent of my behaviour
dictated by the environment I grew up in.
This complete package that is molded by my perants
is great..
But where am I?
What is it that makes me, me?

Do I reside in my heart? All battered and torn?
Do I reside in my thoughts? All shattered and worn..
Do I reside in Life? Swimming but the currents are strong.
Thrown from left to right, do I reside in the shipwreck of this storm?
Or am I the shipwreck trying to get to the shore?
It's frustrating how I feel lost
and how I am trying to find back my core.
But these questions remain unanswered..
I hope I will find them when I am home..

My voice has been stolen..
My hands have been bound..
My mind has been drugged..
A surface is nowhere to be felt
or found..
My legs are paralyzed
by a kiss so venomous
it has shut my entire system down..
Suffering from writers block
although this poem proves it's a paradox
for there is one ray of sunlight
shining through my wooden box
from two different sources of hope
that remain painfully in the distance
My eyes carve the words in the wood
within my poetic grave
She got away and I realized it too late
failed to see the death sentence on that lisence plate
as she literally drove away
with everything I loved
Just one thing remained..
the pain of a broken promise that she would stay

Now I've changed..
with a broken throat
I laugh within my shallow grave
For my voice has been taken away
but the fire still resides
I will fight, grab the shards
from my broken honour and pride
to get back what is both yours and mine..
My heart is healing in a safe place now..
Far from harm, only allowed to be tended by one person
My soul kept warm, steadily sleeping at home
never alone..
I will walk through day and night
my fire burning bright
fiery eyes, pierce through the darkest of nights
with wit, salvaged from my ancestors
to provide the sharpest of minds
to push for everything that is well within my right..
I will break out of this grave
because it is nothing more than an illusion
I will fight and at the end of the day
the truth will meet both our eyes..
Time to rise, the sun is burning bright
this morning..

Shattered soul
rests drifting through floating remnants
of an ancient spark
this spark is fragmented and scattered
it's flame died out eons ago
drifting trough the undescribable something
words to describe this feeling of dread
do exist yet
the greatest poet's mind simply rejects it
in selfdefence
it is this place where we reside
it is this place we strive to know
it is this place we strive to describe
but we can't
and we never will
to uncover this place
would mean it would be exposed
there for everyone to see
eyes that can glare at this place
stripped naked, bare
innocent, pure
what once lied in the shadows
covered by a dark veil
kept safe by the shared consciousness
of the Poet that binds us all
would lie naked
like a remnant in a glass house

I'll grab you from behind and thouroughly poetry slam you through all four corners of the room.
We'll kiss untill we lift dust and roll across the room. Barreling through we whisper three words that couldn't be said too soon: baby watch out! A broom falls and interrupts our resonating groove. Fixated on our sizzling mood. We dance and in one waltz move we interlock and intertwine. In one fell swoop, we continue to make love, we can't waste time. Days go by didn't even gaze at how the moon shines. Not even dazed by the sunlight this stage is our sunrise. Hand marks on the windows, sweaty palms on the walls, sticky sheets on the carpet..paint on the canvas, my face on that canvas?! Your waist on your canvas?! What did we paint on that canvas?! We got laid on that canvas?! Thats a mistake but I can't complain I ******* love the art that we make. I could do it all day..

It doesn't matter where you are,
It doesn't matter where you hide,
I will always find you
and I will save you
No matter how many times.

Turning negative energy into positive energy
requires conquering tremendous obstacles.

If God is everywhere, he is in every pedophiles basement.

Words that are stuck within my darkest depths.
A field filled with grey-ish opened graves.
Where bodies are tossed in ***** holes
no coffins, demons resisting to rest in peace.
Old lingering souls waiting to catch up to the present.
I make sure they're stuck in the past. Snuffed in the future.
They are trying to claw their way out to the surface.
Screaming in agony, in sheer madness they shout.
Their paranoid lust for hatred makes me think and doubt.
Shall I accept these feelings? Let them consume me?
Just to experience this drug, this ******, this twisted reality.
This twisted reality...
I have no words for it, I can't describe what I feel.

I'm disconnected, exit the Matrix.
Found out I'm not Neo, took shots from an Agent.
Now I lie cold in the dirt, in one of my opened graves.
A face that is shocked, eyes seeking truth.
Truth seeking eyes.
A mind that is mad. I'm mad that I mind.
Mad that I care. I care that I'm mad.
In a hazerdous environment
walking through pockets of 'Rad'.
My soul is humed, walking twisted
forward for you. Looking at the clouds that are blue
assuming it's true. Clouds that are blue?
I drop down in the cold of the blue.
and lie dead, unburied in an open grave.

Here I lie,
dead in the past.
Desperately clawing my way back to the present.
Hoping I don't get snuffed in the future.
Resisting to Rest In Peace.
Unburied in an open grave.
In the mind of a madman.

A sharp tongue with shark teeth
and a malicious smile with venomous saliva.
The reptiles eyes are like an alien planet.
It's soul lost within the depths of it's pupil.
It's like seeing tectonic plates shift
as they leave a black scar across a sandy red desert.
A reptile's eyes.

Dragon scales cover my skin.
For this world is filled with shattered hearts,
it is like stepping in broken glass,
I should protect myself from all your scars!

I've grown coldblooded from these cold emotions.
Icy stares and frozen thoughts.
Because your souls are trapped in arctic ice,
drifting in the same tides
every day of your cryogenic lives!

Witness the fiery eye that is the Sun.
It shines dimly behind radio active clouds.
Particles of chemical ash act like a mirror
spitting back solar rays in the face of God!
The arrogance that is man!
Earth radiates golden shadows
and the reptile is denied of heat.
I am forced to store my dragon's breath
inside the belly of my beast.

After soaring the sky the Desert Eagle drops mercilessly on the floor

This unshakable feeling wrapped around my heart
The clouds are dark
A tight straight jacket soaked
in an ounce of liquid "Lost"
Life has a tendency to rig a Spark
Lights flicker
Warmth, yet feeling a slight shiver
My mind's quiver empty,
as I let my last arrow loose
attached to a fishing line
wrapped around my neck
and tightened the noose
My last Lifeline

Those I miss most lie beyond my reach..
I hope my arrow reaches you..
I hope you'll find my lifeline..
And reel me towards you..
If not I'll die with a heart, hollow.
I guess that's fine too.

I woke up, aching pain in my heart.
Lingering tears and heavy drops of sweat
dropping from my pounding chest.
Soaking my sheets.
Another night where I got drunk...
"Bottled Sorrow", hundred percent.
I want to grab a knife
carve the pain out of my chest
but I don't want to die
So I accept the lingering death..

Six nightmares in one night, all about you.

I wanted to respond to his statement but I remembered I still had to call him.
-S.Y.

Aside from my own sadness
Present like a vibrating string
playing a sad melody from my Soul's voilin
Trying to resurface
past tears I've desperately
tried to hold within
There are fresh tears
Sorrow and pain that I'm lovingly
breathing in
My heart is crying
My heart is scrying
desperately closing in
to take away what's hurting you
looking for new sounds
attaching new strings
composing and further developing my play
on my voilin
Exploiting this bond that you and I both share within
Even though we have never met
Even though we will in time
You probably don't realize
that deep down inside
I'm crying these tears
that aren't mine
This bond
These times
where Life lives up to your name
I'll try to take at least a part of your pain
Even through this distance
I feel so close to you
This bond we share can never sever
Because we have already shared  
this moment of intimacy
we cry together

Steal my poems, all of them
For I care not where it goes
Spread them, claim that my words are yours
and I shall gladly witness
my thoughts being spread across the globe
Pour out my ashes
for every poem is part of my soul
Every poem
a desperate attempt to cleanse my thoughts
So spread my work
I will touch hearts where ever my feelings go
I know I am armed to the teeth
So be my arms dealer
and soon I will have the world within arms reach
Every person armed to the teeth
with stolen words they can barter,
ask questions, provide insight
that others can't see
Steal my work, please
Every poem will spark heat
Ignite and hearts beat
My children will fall free
For I am a lost tree

Aware of every string vibrating
as the violin plays a melody
resonating with my sorrow
the sound and sadness
dance with perfect symphony
synchronized with my heart
my soul shivers
my being captured
in these vibrating strings
the audience watches
simply observing this dance
but not a smile or sound
to be found
the audience tries not to give in
and therefor gave in
to the sad melody
sung by my soul

This world has gone silent.
Not dark, but silent.
This world has lost it's voice.
It still talks and chats.
But it can not speak.
This world is deaf.
It can still hear.
But it can not listen.
This world is blind.
It can still look and gaze.
But it can not see.
This world can not think.
For it has an abundance of thoughts.
This world can not give answers.
Because we ask no questions.
This world can not ask questions.
Because we get false answers.
This world has no beauty.
It is naked and barren.
Scarred and empty.

This world holds people.
Who can see and listen.
This world holds people.
Who can speak
without uttering a single word.
This world holds people.
Who can touch your heart.
This world holds people.
Who can fight and strive.
This world holds people.
Who love.
Therefore we are always victorious.

Sitting in my bed. Can't really relax.
Feeling a bit tense, aware of my heart pounding in my chest. Swimming in the depths of my sheets. Looking for you. I panic, where are you? I try to find you even though you've never been here. I try to rationalise, gather my thoughts and let go of this feeling of what I really want. This craving, this constant ache and desire to wake up next tot you. The dissapointment that the laws of physics and nature won't make this one exception tot bring you here next to me through supernatural means. They don't discriminate and treat us fair and equal.Even though I'm blessed for having you in my life and experience and feel the love you give me. I cherish it but I can't seem to feel at ease. You're not here in bed with me, it's incomplete. So I grab my phone and look at your pictures. Seeing you makes me feel calm. So I can finally sleep. Het back in touch with my feelings and I feel your presence accompany me to my dreams. I hope I'll wake up there with you next to me.

I need to ******* go to you..
I'm honostly sick of this ****..
World is a ******* small place..
so how can you be so far away?
other side of the globe..
but just an 8 hour flight?!
**** doesn't make sense to me.
Millions of miles away.
On the other side of the screen.
Messages sent take seconds.
I'm jealous...
Everybody knows everybody
six hands connect the entire world.
But I just want to hold yours.
And not let go.

I have already seen that beautifull smile.
That is only meant for me and me alone.
I have already seen that look in your eyes.
That is only meant for me and me alone.
I bet there are a million of other looks and faces.
That are for me and me alone.
Thank you for this wonderfull gift.
This gift that is for me and me alone.
I'll make sure to cherish it.
That is my gift, for you and you alone.

I'm going to take you on vacation one day.
To the most beautifull place on earth..[deleted]

Wait, that's not true the most beautifull place on earth would be right beside her

I'm going to take you on vacation one day..
To the most beautifull sight on earth..[deleted]

Wait, that's not true the most beautifull sight is seeing her...

I'm going to take you on vacation one day..
To the most...eh...hmm..

mezmerizing? no..
stunning? no..

I'm going to take you on a vacation one day. And we're going to a place that's beautifull and amazing but none of it will match the beauty I see in you. I feel blessed as to how I perceive you and the warm glow that follows when I do or think about you. It's an ancient feeling, it's roots lie within the creation of my very soul yet it is a completely new experience. Familiar yet unknown prior before discovering. There was only one option for me, one thing to do. Surrender, I fell to my knees, head low. Victorious. Seldom rose higher, seldom felt more love surge within me. So I'm going to stay with you, I want to, I have to and I'm going to take you on a vacation with me. But just know that no matter what place we will visit or whatever sight I set my eyes upon none of it can match the beauty I see in you.

"We are brothers, not by blood but by will.
We ask not that we be born on the same day, but we request that we die on the same day"- Anonymous

A feeling of acceptance.  
Within these  four white walls.
Within this house.
Within this open air prison.
Rebellious.
Bound by night and day.
A slave of time.
Destined to follow the rules of nature.
Following the rules of space.
Rules that you can't break.
I abide against my will.
Rebellious.
Within the parameters of this atmosphere.
Within this solar system.
Within space and the infinite possibilities of what lies beyond.
Within infinity itself.
Am I, unimaginably small and
insignificant on a cosmic scale.
Yet within these white walls
I am rebellious.

This room could be painted pitch black
as far as I'm concerned
spend my nights in utter darkness
Alone..
Alone with my thoughts
My thoughts
Judgemental and self condemning my mind
My mind
Feeling depressed, angry I have to wake up at nine
At nine
I wake up praying that today I'll be brave enough to grab a nine
A nine
underneath my pillow, loaded, ready to take what's left of my time
My time
Desperate to make something of what's left.
What has left
is everything I cared for. But do I have the courage to die?
To die
is to grab the nine
the nine
now resting against my head
My head
splattered open as I welcome Death
welcome Death
now I know what it's like to die
to die
is leaving everything I have left behind
Left behind
Everything I forgot to cherish
Goodbye

Take further steps
and I'll crush you with relentless force
The tides of society are already against you
and I'll send forth a tsunami wave
which will end this war
but that is if you take further steps..

I'll be passive, not attack you
nor defend myself
I'll be the neutal man
completely honost
and you'll get crushed by truth
the truth to which you are oblivious
By doing so I'll take away your power to blame me
because I'll make it so I can't be blamed..
by doing absolutely nothing
you'll deal yourself a relentless blow
that is if you take further steps..
So please... please don't..

Shadows dancing on the walls
sitting in my new apartment
one candle lit
Perfect symphony
flame and wind
a show of passion and freedom
Gods of the two dimensional world

Shadows dancing on the walls
ballet of dread
shadows of bloodsplatters
ripped muscles, hair
limbs fly freely in the air
a witness to a ****** scene

Shadows dancing on the walls
distorted figures
a show of psychoses
Gods gather on the walls
they give me instructions
a witness of the divine

Shadows dancing on the walls
they suddenly stand up
a show of intervention
the shadows whisper:'we are you'
I respond:'true, I'm me'
the shadows vanish
a witness of self acceptance

These last few weeks..
I saw how Life forsake her
and Death embraced her
cold sweats freezes
her beautifull and soft skin
I have dreams
of where she would wake up mid night
tears and fear filled her eyes
every exhale is partly ice

I would grip my pillow tighter
and hug the woman from my dreams
send my love and comfort her
and make sure she feels at ease
I would pull her close to me
wrap my arms around her tight
I would tell her that it's okay
and that I'm there in the darkest hour of every night
and I will stay untill we bathe in the brightest of lights
I will not go anywhere, I won't run away
so please.. stay with me
my woman from my dreams

In a cell.. it has white cushions on every side
strapped in a straight jacket
the only freedom I have
lies within the depths of my mind
I'm a captive
They said I was utterly blind
therefore needed medication
to fix what was wrong inside

Outside I see people tripping out
bumping heads into the walls
and leave the spit drooling out of their mouth
People who twist themselves in weird ways
walking around aimlessly
in a way that they were maimed
some would talk to nothing
no one
or get scared because they see things
that aren't there
spirits they called them
some would cut themselves
relentlessly
as if their soul wanted to escape
so why am I here?
Because the insane became sane
the majority defines the definition
and now I'm stuck in a cell
What happened to this world?

Malice spreads slowly..
Oil crossing oceans..
Lightning strikes
Flames burn on my souls surface
Black Smoke
cloudy thoughts
poisonous..

Sickening
Trying to escape out of my body
listening..

...
Standing next to me, seeing my other half suffocate.
Black spots appear on my head and heart.
I scream for help but nobody can hear me
in this etherreal state
..
You look up to me
eyes pleading for help
You can see me?
she nods..
Can you hear me?
she nods..
Good, now listen to me..
she listens..

Stand tall, overpowering all
an essential part of your essence
as much as I am part of you
I am an alien when compared to what you are
an individual amongst individuals
I am all of me there is no one else
no other race, no brother or sisters
but my perants are different..

My character, arrogance
insatiable greed
I
reside in both the strong and the weak
I'm there seven days in a week
and when all of you die
I cease to exist

Burn up oxygen in the sky
the deadly diet for the Ozon layer
push bottled water for max profit
throwing plastic bottles in the oceans water
Let a kid get rich for inventing plastic fishing techniques
in the deep pacific
monopolise it, capatalise it
full shelves of salty ocean water in your local shopping district
use manipulation tactics
Commercials filled with communication riddles
that I use to talk to my inner sanctum.
Because I am inside all of you
a part of your essence
an alien inside you
born in the present
I am your Thirst for Progression
A mindset sickening.

Now I resolved that this place wasn't my home
accepted it, it was hard.. regretted it..
the descisions I made in my life
somewhere detested it
shredded, ripped
bogged down
heavy ****..

Didn't want to be bound by fear
decided I would at least be single for a year...

a week later
I met you here..
you crashed in here
cracks in my heart
you took your place in there
spreading your roots
strengthening my heart
ignited a spark
You took control
mending my thoughts and soul
and showed me the path
so I can make my way home

Now I face my fears
on solid ground I stand
No matter what I tell or think
you understand
you help me reflect, think back
and learn
that it's okay to yearn
express thoughts and the way that I show my love
You accept me...and help me accept me
For the first time I'm dealing with all my ****
so now I'm facing the dark
because you're the light shining through the cracks in my heart
Now I'm no longer bound by fear
Because there's no doubt in my heart that you are here

The place my drained soul hoped to find some rest
The place I hoped where light would still shine within my chest
Thought  I could settle here, finally relax
unwind from this emotional and mental stress
Living on a shred of hope
that I would stay with you untill my death
This place, where at one point my soul was ripped to shreds
My home left, I didn't blame her. No regrets..

After that..
I was sitting in this emtpy shell
a fragment, ancient remnant of what once was my home
Big place, no soul, just me and my old friend Alone.
The last piece of my old home, my loyal friend..
he had to see his pack go..
I was forced to let him go..I couldn't give him a home
I'm sure he also felt torn and alone..robbed of those he loved..

Struggling to take even the slightest step..
My brothers had my back..
made sure I kept breathing
held my thoughts in check
prevented me from falling into this emotional and mental death..
stood by me as I climbed from the depths
helped me cope with this loss and defeat
and were a crucial part in turning this negativity
into positivity
You know I love you guys
and I am forever gratefull...
I found my resolve, made a step
occasionally fell back
but that was okay..
I was on the road to at least try and find my new home

Present day, sitting in my living room, everything in organised chaos
past months have been a living Hell
now it's time to say goodbye to this empty shell
that was once my home..
I did shed a tear, shook hands with my friend Alone
May we never cross paths again..
Goodbye my friend..