but today the breeze penetrates my clothes
straight to the bone, shivering
without your warmth
the universe knows what today is
as if it were someway to make today one of mourning
my father's birthday
and
the day I learned you never loved me
the day I mourn the love of the men I crave
the day I mourn a love they are not capable of giving me.

your insecurities forced you out of place
you were no longer a part of me
balance no longer existing
the other pieces of me wavering
then i fell apart
falling, crashing to the floor

time passed
i rebuilt my walls
this time with your piece missing
i learned to restore balance
then you came back
forcing your block in the empty space it once occupied
it was time to play again

you ignite me and with every breath I come closer
against your lips is where I find my home
we are smoke, dancing in unpredictability
but
do you see my ashes falling
sacrificing my own skin for your pleasure
will I become your addiction?

I stopped drinking after I met you
you were more bitter than the wine
you burned more than the whiskey
you were more toxic than the *****
out of all the bottles lining the shelves
you were the hardest to swallow

they said I could do better but you are my best.