in a small room, there are many souls
each one has a story unique to them
yet they don't speak of it
they do not see it
the stillness around them
as they occupy a room without a word
they don't question the quietness
almost embracing it
how can I blame them though
what purpose does it serve to tell your story
when its easier to stare at a phone
and bask in the thoughts you have
blissfully ignoring souls around you

I walk steadily one step at a time
yet my destination seems so far away
over and over I tell myself that my goal is walking alongside me
still, I look ahead trying to reach a goal that I can't reach
maybe I would chastise myself if the goal was unreasonable
somewhere inside me though it does not feel like such
no, it feels more like the starting line was too far back
but I'm too stubborn to accept it to lay down and allow it to stop me
so I walk steadily one step at a time

I often wonder the angle others see me
As they look at me from across the room
or stand next to me, making eye contact
do they take my gestures the way I mean them
is my true image reflected within them
I wonder if its me that they see
or if its the me who truly represents me
I hope that image is the same as mine
otherwise who would I be
from angles that I cant see

I sit at the beginnings of a new future
Yet to reach it I must openly defy my greatest fears
My body is torn, so I write
but to no one but myself
As I put off what I must confront
what I know is simple
I might be a single unit, but my dreams matter
so don't be scared, allow yourself to reach
speak your thoughts and the world will listen
or at least that's what I hope is true
It sounds ideal to me
since the world is lonely when you are the only voice you hear

My eyes are open so I see the shapes of the world around me
I can make out its colors and can hear the voices that laugh and cry
However, I don't know if others can see it reflected within my eyes
but I can feel it
the lack of empathy for their words
my apatheticness towards the vibrancy around me
the cold distant observation in the shapes that pass me by

Scars riddle my heart
Each one a mark of beautiful moments and tragic stories
Yet I find myself giving it away still despite it all
I suppose it's to say my heart yearns for the pain
I only wish my mind did as well
But maybe my heart knows what my mind does not
If so then I can only trust it hoping that it is right and I can handle what's to come

Time sits still for a tree along a tranquel Creek
While time rushes forward within it's waters
Along it's banks I sit with my feet in the water watching bits and pieces of the world flow in it
The trees watch over the waters as I lay on my back to watch the clouds that are oblivious to everything as they fly above us

My lover and I sit in cool flowing water
With are eyes closed basking in the sunlight
We hear around us dragons dancing Along the waters surface
And feel ourselves being carried away with them as they love and play

Strings glow in the sunlight but disappear in the shadows
When the wind blows you watch the string flow like waves appearing and disappearing within the light and for those who are unlucky enough to witness such beautifully crafted strings find it's creator a merciless god

a soft soul walks by
young still not understanding itself
they walk in a crowd  of souls
they are torn, broken, weak, strong souls
each leaving marks on the soft pliable soul
whos only hope is not to lose itself on the crowd

I often heard others desire to be a bird however I never like the idea of being at the mercy of the wind
as nice as it would be to be as sure-footed as a mountain goat it's nice that there are no mountains to impede me
as much as I wish to be carefree like a jellyfish there are times when I find it best not to go with the flow
still even with the luxuries of being human if I could change I would
because despite I can go against the current it's only by separating myself from others
despite the land I walk upon being flat and paved each step needs to be firm
and even though the wind doesn't hinder  it still carries the voices that give me pause

be still for just a moment allow yourself to breath
gather your thoughts and focus them onto yourself
ask yourself how did you get here
let yourself smile in those happy moments
grow the best you can from the sad
look into yourself find your pros seek out your faults
accept both change only what you feel you should
project that into the future
allow yourself to imagine the transformation you wish to see
take a step

the person you saw yesterday
is not the person you see today
and the person you meet tomorrow
will not be the person you see now

I feel ashamed to complain since I see those older who have lived threw more
I feel for the young who know nothing else
still though with every heartbeat, I feel the blades move through it
every breath serves to remind me that I'm drowning
my brain feels distant, scrambled like static noise
my legs quit
my voice stops
my muscles tighten till they cant no more
I cry in pain tears snot everywhere
no longer in control, my body convulses
all the while I'm aware as if an act I can quit at anytime
that's the torture not the pain nor the judgemental eyes
but the clarity of mind to know what you're doing  but no control to stop it

I know I think but do I hear
surely I do yet sounds can easily mislead
just how what I see can be just a trick of the eye
how an apple can be a potato
even touch that seems infallible can be fooled
surely however if I see, hear, feel, smell, and taste something it must be real
or maybe just a complicated illusion
at least I know I think right?

feel the beat
the beat of the heart
the beat of the drum
beat of the music
allow it to guide you
give you ground to walk upon
don't fear the rhythm it gives
trust your body to follow any beat you find yourself in

my thoughts are of the ocean and the beaches that form the shore
they are on the raindrops that soaked into the land or flowed beside the others forming the rivers
they are on the mountains the river flow through and the scars they leave as the river carries it to the sea
my thoughts are on the sand under my feet and the journey of which it took to arrive where I stand

I often wonder if one reads a poem and it feels akin to looking at oneself in the mirror then does one look away or think about what they see

My eyes wander
I would like to say it's innocent
However they always land upon a woman
I do not know if it's her beauty or charms
My eyes wander none the less
It leaves a sour taste in my mouth
As a man who believes in the sanctity of marriage
Who fears the punshiment of adultree
As a person who sees and hears those who cry out
Wishing for nothing more than not to be obectfied
Yet my eyes still wander

she said to me she loved me
I said to her I love you too
she innocently asked why
my first thought is everything
however, it felt cheap so I thought
My thoughts flow to her voice, hair, eyes, body, skin
but it all felt vain
so I thought of her
when she was there even at the worse times
but is that a real reason to love someone
So I thought of her habits the silence between us
unspoken words that will never be said
looking into her eyes
I say everything

stress is overbearing taxing
all emotions are forced through the filter built by it
if you could escape it you would
the only action is inaction trusting time will chip it away
there are times where that inaction only allows it to build
so one can only pray for the rain to wash it away

I fear what I don't know
I fear what I suppress
I fear not knowing what I suppress
I fear expressing it
I fear not knowing how to express it
I fear fear
I fear that there is nothing to fear
I fear that I don't know what I fear

I am slowly being driven mad
each decision is made for me
whether it be the clothes I ware
the food I eat
where I go
even the time I sleep
sure from time to time, I get to a bribe to keep me calm
but still just a bribe, not a choice
what am I supposed to do just keep breathing waiting
what I do know is when I'm older ill ware the brightest clothes
I'm going to eat unlimited snacks
and play all night with my friends

Seats were taken till there was none left
so they stood
All eyes on one man each for the same reason
justice
the man stood across from a judge
the judge stared at the man and asked a question
do you feel any remorse
the man gives a light laugh
should one feel remorse for being one's own self
no, no remorse can any of you watching say the same
have any of you ever asked yourselves who you are when not told too
I'm sure I will be deemed crazy
that will only be in the eyes of the many
for I will be the one to judge myself