Saturninus

Saturninus Apr 18

It is the wind that upsets pages
Spills them on the floor
Both personal and impersonal

It is the spark blown from the fireplace
That catches and spreads
Unwelcome destruction

It inks itself through typeface
And bleeds through paper
Wet with rain

Until the tears dry
The fire abates
Wind settles
Ceases

Still

And I remember the sound of your name

Saturninus Mar 9

The Sound of Summer Thunder

I feel like the sound of summer thunder,
The thrum and rumble and force.
Like the crash of waves on rock.

I feel like the heat from a fire,
Burning and writhing and roiling,
The sun on an August day.

I feel like a stray bolt of lightning.
Like copper, electrical and manic.
The smell of ozone as an aftermath.

I feel like no words can describe,
I feel empty, I feel full, I feel tired.
So, I feel like the sound of summer thunder.

Saturninus Mar 8

Collision Course

If galaxies were a mood,
I’d probably be Andromeda,
On my way to collide with
The Milky Way traveling at
68 miles a second.
That’s 244,800 miles an hour.
I feel like I’m treading water,
Moving nowhere in an empty space.
Too fast, too slow, no, still too fast,
Moving, but not moving fast enough.
I am the world’s slowest collision course,
And it’ll still take 4 billion years,
To get where I'm going.

Saturninus Mar 3

A love poem prompted by watching shows together

I want to feel the beat of your heart on mine
Watching shows about people we’ve never known
And though we never will, they make us laugh all the same
Hoping and laughing and feeling
Searching screens and sound waves trying to reach beyond here
That liminal space between being and nothing
We press in and press together
Warmth unbidden but welcome
I support your head with my shoulder
And you support my heart with your soul

I don't remember writing this. I think I wrote it when my wife was on a reality TV kick and I decided that being with her was infinitely better than whatever was happening on the screen. Love is like that. Sometimes it ambushes me and all I want is to express it immediately. I have tons of these types of things written on scraps and half forgotten folders in my notes app on my phone. I hope you like it.

Saturninus Feb 23

It is an ever-fixed mark

You are stars in the evening sky,
Beautiful and radiant.
They make up your body,
The fabric of my universe,
Dipping and encompassing.
You do not alter,
But look on tempests,
Unshakeable.
You are all these things,
Fixed, constant, and true.
No man ever loved,
As I have - and will love you.

I wrote this for my wife on the occasion of her birthday. Sonnet 116 is her favorite poem. It was read aloud during our wedding.

Saturninus Feb 21

I’ve Heard It Said

I’ve heard it said that John Donne once claimed no man is an island.
Perhaps he’s right.
Though, I feel like an isolated star,
Billions of light years away, and
My light is the left hand of darkness.

I am connected in a constellation and a void,
Through visual and spatial networks of association.
I am contradictory states of being,
Dissociated, isolated, and whole.

I supernova, I collapse, and I birth anew.
I can’t feel the heat from your sun,
Yet, I can see the light that you emanate.
No star is a constellation, and yes, no man is an island.

I think that both can be true. You can be alone and feel alone. Yet you also cannot deny that you are part of something bigger, something greater. At least I choose to believe so.

Saturninus Feb 19

self-talk

i wish sometimes that i could
that i would
talk to myself in the mirror

i wish sometimes that i could

ask what it’s like to

have a conversation with myself
and get a straight answer.

i’d ask what the words mean
when i can’t make them work

except that they work

they make me bleed

unless my tongue stays tied
it unknots my stomach
it cauterizes
the self inflicted

words

i can’t hide them
from myself

how do you tell yourself
it’s enough to be enough or

okay, okay
i’m not okay

how do you look at yourself
and know that
the wounds
you carry with you

are self inflicted

are your words

I have to remind myself to be kind to myself. It often doesn’t work.