my heart erupts
in a volcano
of disappointment.

she's gone.
there was no lava,
no ground quaking,
just a thud then
hot flowing tears

it's more like I jumped
into the gaping hole
left in her absence.

lavender ribbons
from your hair
lay against
the pages
I love to read
so much
and as I turned
the pages
the smell
of your hair
makes me
love the words
even more
as I envision
our last touch.
Such was ours a
bittersweet
journey
which was so
impossible
for me to
disembark
because my darling
for me you were
a romance story
but for you I wasn't
even a bookmark.

sudden snakes in my brain
what a waste are my inaudible cries
mental welts i give myself
because i made you leave
now you hate me
**** my life
it's all just too hard to believe

inaudibly i crumble and fall into the dirt
don't bury me,  just leave me here
dead inside, inert
i died the day you left me
i'd never felt so hurt

hope in the shape of Zoloft
just isn't doing the trick
i read our chats over and over
and the flogging bud of failure
knowing how much I lost leaves
me feeling sick

you said i was toxic, maybe that's true.
i only know i've never loved anyone the
way i love you . my mental mosh pit, my
hodgepodge mind I feel so much that i'll never
say and the snakes in my brain will probably
never go away

The crowd
pushes in on me
from side to side
people I never
wanted to know
preferred to ignore
because there is
only you I am
waiting for.

You were always
the life
of the party
and even though
the musical din
bangs on and on
I hear nothing
I feel nothing
I  am left
all alone.

I keep wishing
these people
would dispurse
because being
surrounded
yet alone
without you
is definitely
the worst.

I want to wrap
loneliness
around me
like a blanket
because
now I see
that you're not
coming
back to me
so
there's only
silence now
there's no more
poetry.

someday...
I'm going to stop
adoring you
long enough to see
that you don't care.

someday...
I'll stop admiring
your pictures
with a wide eyed drool
and realize
you're talking about me
behind my back
and treating me like fool.

someday...
I muster up
enough self-respect
to see that I'm loving you
and you're laughing at me.

Flowers bloom under salmon pink sunsets
grass grows and runs away with itself
newly born baby birds fly or fall
Yes, spring is finally in the air but
why am I so unimpressed with it all?

I yearn for cold, the crisp cool wind
my tennis shoes rustling the leaves
as I walked to her house where
the main street ends.

Autumn is my Master who beckons
me to stand tall against the sometimes
bitter coldness that stays around and on
into the fall.

I can never do it all again
knowing what I know
bid time return, be young again,
going with the flow.

My youthful days are behind me now
well spent and wasted both
if I could do it all again would
there be some growth?

Would I do it all differently
a second time around?
or would I throw away again
the only love I ever found?

I can never do it all again
because I have a chicken-heart
even with a second chance
I wouldn't know where to start.