I always sleep with my back to the room
Because I feel sorry for the monsters
Too scared to come out from beneath the bed
Fear is perspective
As is goodness
So who am I to believe
That I'm not the monster above the bed

You never think you'll start.
And then you do, and you think you'll never stop.
Sometimes you just wish everything would stop.
But it doesn't. And it can't. You know that.
So you quit.
A week. A month. Maybe even two.
Yet slowly you feel this pressure,
This constant nagging of unspoken emotion.
Maybe you don't acknowledge it yet, but you will.
And then all of a sudden it all explodes.
You're standing there. Breaking down; again.
Drowning under it all.
So you take your pail, throwing water out of this sinking boat.
A desperate, meaningless attempt to stay.
Blade against skin

It's not something I'm proud of
Or something I want
But I think it'll always be with me
The sudden feeling of breaking down
And wanting to reach for it
Knowing that it'll take the pain away
If only for a moment's relief
Maybe I'll grow and get stronger
But I also know that it will never leave
There will at some point be a time
When that is my first response
And I think that's what scares me

skin stained red
heart turned black
mind full of white static
save me from myself

add a smile
a dash of laughter
some pink clothing
a heaping of friends
to show im ok
when im not really
but i cant let them know that
i cant break them
for them, i have to be ok
so i add a smile
a dash of laughter
pink clothing
and a heaping of friends

Do not be fooled
By pretty smiles
And pink nails
Fuzzy sweaters
And geeky laughs
Behind the smiles
The nails, sweaters, laughs
There are lines that tell my story
Of pain that no one has seen
Or could begin to discern
These lines that are hidden
Prove to me
That looks can be deceiving
In more ways than one

I used to think I was a failure
And a good for nothing
And one day
Those feelings got all too real
And they got the better of me
Til I learned that I'm not
The one thing I was good at
Was carving my picture
Into my skin
From the metal cause
And the scarlet effect
And the color was like nothing else
I am not a failure, I am a success
At carving my picture

And while some say
That the moon and sun
Are the examples of forbidden love
One never getting to see the other
I believe it is fire and ice
Both so passionate for each other
Yet when they meet for just a minute
They burn each other from the outside in

It starts off barely there
A miniscule dent
Made from the silver knight
It's slowly reddening
Forming a scarlet line
Eventually the drops will form
Raised ever so slightly

All around me
Are the ones called normal
Sound asleep in their beds
Dreaming their dreams.
Then there's me
So exhausted yet still up
At two A.M
Thinking my thoughts.

I always sleep with my back to the room
Because I feel sorry for the monsters
Who are too scared to come out from under the bed

And where can I run to
When it all gets too much
When the arguments start
When old memories come back
And where can I run to
When everyone knows everyone
When a place is needed
When the influence of everyone gets too strong
Where can I run to?

Because your either so happy
Or so depressed
And this up and down is slowly killing me
Never knowing what to expect
I start to think that I should leave for my own well being
Dad would take me
And I would still see you; I would still want to see you
But I'm scared of telling you this
Because I don't know how you would respond
Your so happy right now
And brother would bear the brunt
But I cant keep living back and forth
And up and down