It's not something I'm proud of
Or something I want
But I think it'll always be with me
The sudden feeling of breaking down
And wanting to reach for it
Knowing that it'll take the pain away
If only for a moment's relief
Maybe I'll grow and get stronger
But I also know that it will never leave
There will at some point be a time
When that is my first response
And I think that's what scares me