There's this part of me,
that longs to be alone

other people become weights
that are to heavy for me to carry

some people think I am an idea in their head,
this fantasy woman they made up somehow along the way
and transferred onto me when they met me
like I am a concept for them
to make them happy, to be the thing that they have always needed

when in reality
I am just me
and I get angry and I'm stubborn and impossible sometimes
I'm just a girl who is messed up too,
trying to find her place in this world,
just like you

She will be our daughter
with hair of finely woven copper
to match that of her father.
And as she drinks from her sippy cup.
Five feet off the ground.
I could never be so proud.
When she holds my hand with fingers the size of pencaps
I could never be so glad
When she wimpers in her sleep
I'll wonder what she's dreaming

Everything that gives
me pain
echos
in waves
I find myself
staring at
the wall
wishing to be higher
than the stars
and sky
being away
from it all
Maybe then I can
dream
of smooth milky
kisses
and sunny
baths
that leave my skin
tingling

Right now
I feel cold
Bones that sing
like a decrepit
abandoned home
Greasy skin
and wild curls that
are blacker than
any sober 2 am
morning

I wish to be
higher than the clouds
to swim in their
cottony pillows
oh how sweet